Tears in the Rain
by winterangel06
Summary: Complete: John and Natalie Fic which starts after the Killing Club Murders.
1. Intro

**Title**: Tears in the Rain 

**Disclaimer**: I have nothing to do with ABC, OLTL, or the characters.

**Authors Note**: For the first few chapters there will be a lot of flashbacks, just to clear up things such as the KCK etc.

**Introduction**

Steven Phillips had known what he was up against when he accepted the job at Statesville prison. He was fully aware of the challenges that faced him regarding not only the inmates, but the other guards as well. Although Steven knew that being only a few days shy of his twenty-second birthday and still possessing his boyish good looks would not work in his favor, he still accepted the job, needing not only the money but also the experience.

So here he was, his second week on the job and still being assigned the more futile tasks such as filing and cleaning. Steven laughed warily as today's job happened to be a combination of both. Upon checking in for his shift, Steven had been given four manila file-folders of recently deceased inmates with the instruction to pack up their belongings and have them shipped to the next of kin. The first three had been no brainers. Two older men who had died from cancer, and another from old age, whose belongings were either shipped to their families or Salvation Army. It was the last one, however, which was giving him trouble.

John Doe (Vega, Cristian) – Cause of Death: Unknown

Sighing in confusion, Steven entered the cell and started to pack, deciding to worry about the file's ambiguity later. Paintings and sketches surrounded him, most involving a striking young redhead. Steven deduced that the woman in the art must have been the prisoner's wife, as there were a few sketches of her in a wedding gown, and realized how strongly the inmate loved her. Curious, Steven opened the file and looked down at the reason for imprisonment. It read "Murder: Victim - Tico Santi." The name sounded vaguely familiar to Steven, and he racked his brain trying to figure out where he had heard it before. Finally it came to him… the former mob boss who had terrorized Llanview. Steven sighed, suddenly feeling sorry for Cristian Vega. After spending what seemed like hours pouring over the artwork and carefully packing it away, he picked up a leather bound journal, gently tossed it on top of the art work and began taping up the box.

Assuming that the Mrs. Vega would want her husbands possessions, the young guard skipped to the back of the folder where it was customary to list the next of kin. However, there was none. Puzzled, Steven briefly considered asking his supervisor for help, but quickly pushed that thought aside, not wanting to prove what the other guards already thought about him.

He began flipping through the file, hoping to find something that would help him, until he came across a photograph of the redhead from the paintings. "Natalie Vega." She was beautiful, Steven thought, as he began to copy her listed address on to the box. To Steven, it was common sense. The file had the name Cristian Vega listed on it, so the inmate must have been Cristian Vega. Had Steven bothered to read the whole file he would have known the circumstances surrounding the John Doe, and Natalie Vega wouldn't be in for yet another horrible surprise.


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

_Three Months Later – Atlantic City_

Although the bar was crowded, it only took him seconds to find her, thanks to her vibrant red hair, which in the few months she had been gone had grown just past her shoulders. She was standing on the opposite side of the smoke filled bar near a pool table, with a cue in her hand getting ready to take her shot. Seeing her after all these months, and in that specific position brought back so many memories in John's mind, ones he had tried desperately not to think of during the lonely nights he had been left with. But actually seeing her made that task impossible. Memories of past pool games, and suggestive glances, along with their more intimate moments came rushing back to John as he took a seat and continued to stare intently at the red-head.

He watched as she took her shot and then proceeded to clear the table, finally sinking the eight ball. John couldn't help but smile. He had taught her well.

Her opponent however didn't agree. John watched as the much larger, now furious man took a threatening step towards her as she began to collect money from the nearby spectators. John sprang up and was about to step forward when he stopped, knowing that any chance he had of talking to her would be out the window if he interfered like this.

Natalie Vega forced herself to remain calm as she found herself backed up against the pool table, staring up at the man in front of her whose eyes were full of fury.

"I won fair and square," she told him, her voice cold, and much to her surprise steady.

"You lying, hustling bitch…. I oughta…." Within seconds Natalie managed to bring her pool cue up under his chin and shuffle her feet so she was in more of a defensive stance.

"Now you listen to me. See that man over there?" Natalie nodded toward the heavyset man behind the bar who had his attention on a television screen which was playing a hockey game. "That's Joe… this is his bar. Now, Joe doesn't like trouble in his bar. In fact, he goes to great lengths to ensure there's not any. His brother happens to be a police officer, so all you have to do is give me one good reason to use this pool stick, and he'll make sure your drunken ass is thrown in jail for a few days."

Natalie continued to stare up at the man, her gaze never wavering. After looking back and forth between Joe and Natalie, the man stepped back, mumbled something inaudible and made his way toward the exit.

Taking a deep breath to calm herself Natalie made her way back towards the bar but stopped as she noticed something out of the corner of her eye. Her eyes narrowed she spun around, hoping her mind was playing tricks on her, but it wasn't. Almost instantly, as if drawn together, her eyes met his, and the fear she had felt only seconds ago was suddenly replaced with hurt and anger.


	3. Chapter Two

Title: Tears in the Rain 

**Disclaimer**: I have nothing to do with ABC, OLTL, or the characters.

Chapter Two 

John watched as Natalie spun back around and angrily strode behind the bar, and began forcefully wiping down the counters in what he could only assume was an unsuccessful attempt at cooling down. John didn't hesitate, knowing her temper would only get worse if he let her stay up there and simmer.

"What part of stay the hell out of my life didn't you understand?" she snapped icily, as he took a seat at the bar.

"I really need to talk to you."

Natalie stopped what she was doing and glared at him. "I don't care what you really need, I want nothing to do with you." Natalie started to walk away but was stopped by Johns hand grabbing hers.

"I'm serious Natalie, this is really important."

Natalie stared at John, and noticed how grim and serious he looked. "Fine," she relented figuring that since he drove all the way to Atlantic City she may as well give him five minutes. "I get off in ten minutes. I'll meet you at your car, if you _need_ to talk to me so badly you can do it driving me home."

With that, Natalie turned and walked into the back room without another look at John.

Once safely away from the eyes of John McBain, Natalie leaned against the storage room wall trying to get control of her emotions. Feelings of anger, fear, and hurt were pouring through her as the tears threatened to fall.

After all that had happened, all that had been said and done, she couldn't forgive him let alone let him back in her life.

_Flashback_

_Two weeks. _

_Two weeks had passed since John had chosen to save Evangeline, leaving her behind to be finished off by a serial killer. First he broke her heart, then left her to die, not exactly the happy ending Natalie had hoped for. But, she was alive. Once again she had managed to escape the clutches of the homicidal maniac who had kidnapped her. Ron had been caught, and admitted to all the Killing Club murders, including the kidnapping of Natalie and Evangeline. _

_The shrill whistle of the kettle stirred Natalie from her thoughts and she made her way toward the stove not wanting to wake anyone. It was nearly three in the morning and Natalie couldn't sleep. It had been a week since she had been rescued… a week since her life had almost ended. However, it was thanks to Marcie that it hadn't._

_After the fire at the community center, Ron had taken Natalie to an abandoned theater on the outskirts of town, and left her secured in the building. During the time she was there, Ron had been picked up by the police, leaving Natalie alone in the cold, dark theater for nearly a week. Ron had refused to cooperate with the police; taunting them that Natalie would be dead by the time they found her. But, after days of pleading with her brother, Marcie had finally managed to get through to him and he had given her directions to the theater. _

_By the time Bo and John had gotten there, Natalie was nearly dead, as a result of not having eaten in almost a week. She had spent the next week in the hospital being treated for malnourishment, dehydration and a sprained ankle. _

_But, she had survived. _

_Natalie poured the hot water in to a mug added a tea bag and slightly limping, made her way back to the kitchen table, once again lost in her thoughts. Even though she had spent the last week convincing everyone around her she was fine, the truth was she wasn't. Being alone in that theater had brought back memories of her childhood… memories she had spent years trying to repress. Shivering, Natalie took a sip of her tea and looked around the kitchen. _

_Although it had been nearly four years since being accepted by her family, she couldn't help still wishing things had been different. That she could have lived the sheltered life Jessica had, always being loved and taken care of. _

_Sighing, Natalie stood up, just needing to escape the mansion and her thoughts. Not bothering to change, Natalie grabbed her keys and quietly exited into the darkness._

_After wandering around Llanview slowly and aimlessly, Natalie found herself at the Angel Square Hotel. Natalie shook her head hating the fact that she always found herself running to him, even subconsciously. _

"_I won't do it. I won't let myself get hurt again," she whispered to herself knowing that John had made his choice that night at the Community Center. Still silent, she entered the hotel, her ankle now bothering her, and slowly climbed the stairs to the roof. She just wanted to be alone, but someplace where she could still see Cristians statue. Even after all this time it still made her feel close to him. _

_Opening the door to the roof Natalie froze in shock realizing that she wasn't alone. Directly in front of her, with an equally shocked expression, was John. _

"_I'm sorry, I didn't realize anyone else was up here." Natalie said once she was able to find her voice. "I'll go." Natalie started to turn around when she heard him. _

"_Wait."_

_Natalie paused and slowly turned around to face him. He was sitting against the wall, looking at her – his expression curious. Natalie looked down and her face flamed, as she realized that she was still in her blue pajama pants, and tight white tee shirt. Instinctively, her hands flew to her hair, which was still pilled high on her head in a messy ponytail. _

"_Couldn't sleep either?" he asked, after staring at her for a few seconds. _

_Natalie shook her head, and once again moved toward the door, desperately needing to get away from him. _

"_Please don't go." _

_Natalie sighed and closed the door, moving back toward him. "Why not? You made your feelings perfectly clear that night at the Community Center."_

_John looked up at her, his face stricken, but she continued. "It's fine John… you can't help who you love."_

_With this, Natalie turned once again intending to leave, but John was too fast. Within seconds he was on his feet and gently grabbing Natalie's arm. Taking a deep breath he finally said the words which she had been dreaming about hearing for months. _

"_I love you." _

_End Flashback_

No, she couldn't go through that pain again. Pulling herself together Natalie grabbed her purse and jacket, ready to close that chapter in her life.


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three 

Sitting at the bar, seeing her after all these months caused John's mind to wander back to a simpler time… a time when it had finally seemed that he and Natalie had a viable chance at a future together.

_Flashback_

_John sighed in frustration. _

_They had finally caught the Killing Club killer and managed to get to Natalie just in time… yet John was miserable. _

_He hated himself for breaking her heart that night, hated himself for the pain he caused, and most of all hated himself for leaving her behind in the fire. _

_For the past week all he wanted to do was to run to the hospital, gather her in his arms and show her the effect that nearly losing her had had on him. But he couldn't. He couldn't let Natalie see how much she meant to him, how much he loved her, because if he did there was no turning back. _

_When he had gone back for her in the Community Center and found she was gone, it nearly killed him. He spent hours playing that scene over and over in his mind, seeing it in slow motion… beating himself up over it. _

_He had entered the gym of the Community Center and seen both Natalie and Evangeline wearing cheerleading outfits, hanging from the rafters. Quickly, he rushed to Natalie who was still conscious, untied her and moved to free Evangeline. When he got to her he found she was unconscious. Looking back at Natalie, John realized that she had a chance of making it out on her own, a chance which Evangeline didn't have. So, he did what any rational person would, grabbed Evangeline, yelled for Natalie to follow him, and rushed out of the burning building. It wasn't until he was safely out that he realized Natalie wasn't behind him._

_Setting Evangeline down, he had frantically run back into the burning building, but couldn't get back in to the gym as the flames had spread. It wasn't until Evangeline had regained consciousness that he had learned that Natalie had injured her ankle trying to escape and likely had been unable to walk. Needless to say, John had been a wreck until the news came that no body had been found in the Community Center._

_After that he spent every minute trying to get new leads on Natalie and spent hours sitting in an interrogation room with Ron desperately trying every tactic to get him to reveal Natalie's location until Marcie had finally managed to make her brother break. _

_He, along with Bo had rushed to that theater… stormed through the doors and found her there, still in the cheerleading outfit, barely breathing. John had gathered her unconscious body in his arms ands run screaming for the paramedics, refusing to leave her side until they had arrived at the hospital and Michael had taken her away. Then he had left, going back to his apartment and drinking the thoughts of her away. And he hadn't seen her since. Every day he called Michael for updates on her condition, as well as bugged Bo every second of the day as to how she was doing. But he refused to go see her, knowing that it had been his fault and hating himself for it._

_So here he was. Back in his office, trying unsuccessfully to concentrate on a cold case they were looking in to. But all he could think of was Cristian Vega. _

_Just thinking about him caused John to groan, mentally kicking himself for ordering that damn DNA test. It had been those results which had sealed his fate, ruining any chance he had with Natalie. John knew there was no way he could enter into a relationship with her knowing that it was her husband who was in jail, and not an imposter. _

_So instead, he had broken both their hearts and ensured that he spent the rest of his life miserable. _

_John continued to be lost in his thoughts until the insistent ringing of the phone brought him back to reality. _

"_McBain," he barked in to the phone, angry to be disturbed. _

"_Yes, this is him."_

"_He what?" John exclaimed, his eyes widening in shock._

_Much later that night John sat on the roof of the hotel a million thoughts running through his mind. _

_Cristian was dead. _

_The warden at Statesville had called, knowing that since John had been personally involved in the case he would want to know. The death had been sudden, it's cause remaining unknown. The ME at the prison seemed to believe that it had something to do with the programming, some sort of injection which had caused his body to shut down. _

_But, he was dead. _

_All day John had struggled with what to do. On one hand this was what he had wanted, his chance to be with Natalie with nothing standing in their way. But at the same time he still didn't know if he could do it… be with her and never tell her the truth. _

_John downed the rest of his beer and added the bottle to the accumulating pile, still not knowing what to do. _

_Due to his mounting frustration, and the effects of the beer, John looked up at the sky and yelled angrily, "Give me some sort of f-ing sign," looking down at his lap, he continued in a quieter voice. "God, Dad, Caitlyn, Cristian, whoever the hell's up there… help me out."_

_Suddenly he heard the door to the roof squeak open. Annoyed, John looked up, ready to yell at whoever had decided to interrupt his thoughts, but froze when he realized it was her. John remained silent, just staring at her. Her hair was a mess and she was in her pajamas, but to John she was stunning. _

"_I'm sorry, I didn't realize anyone else was up here. I'll go." Natalie said after a few seconds as she turned to leave. _

_Finally he found his voice. "Wait."_

_Natalie hesitated and turned back toward him. "Couldn't sleep either?" Once the words were out of his mouth John mentally kicked himself. Here he was, finally alone with Natalie, and that was all he could come up with. _

_She shook her head, and once again moved toward the exit. "Please don't go," he said, this time his voice desperate. _

_Closing the door, Natalie moved back toward him. "Why not? You made your feelings perfectly clear that night at the Community Center. It's fine John… you can't help who you love."_

_John felt as if he had been hit by a ton of bricks, and watched helplessly as she opened the door and made a move to exit. _

_It was in that instant that John made his decision._

_Jumping to his feet, he closed the distance between them and grabbed her arm. Surprisingly the words came easily. _

"_I love you."_

_End Flashback_

"Are you ready?" Natalie's cold voice made John snap back to the present. He nodded and wordlessly followed her out of the bar and into the cold December night.


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four _Present Day – Atlantic City_

Natalie wordlessly got in to John's car but spoke once he had pulled out of the parking lot. "I live around the corner from the old movie theater. Do you know where that is?"

John nodded. "I know it." He drive toward it trying not to think of the summers he had spent there as teen, running around town with Matt and Dan, Michael trailing at his heels.

Natalie turned towards the passenger side window and watched as small snowflakes began to fall. After a few minutes of silence she spoke, needing to know. "So who was it? My interfering brother or your clueless one?"

John glanced at her puzzled. "What?"

Natalie gave him an incredulous look. "Who told you? Rex or Michael?"

"Michael knew you were here?" John asked unable to keep the hint of jealously out of his voice.

Natalie ignored his tone, suddenly confused. "You are here because one of them told you right?"

John starred at her intently, "Natalie, what are you talking about?"

"Nothing," Natalie replied leaning back in her seat, a thousand thoughts running though her mind. When she had first spotted him in the bar she assumed he had somehow found out and come to confront her about it. But now, she began to worry. Why was he here?

"Make a left here. It's the third house on your right, Rob's out of town for the weekend so you can pull in to the driveway."

"Rob?" John asked, once again jealous.

Natalie ignored his tone and question as she got out of the car. John followed her up the walkway and waited as she got her keys out and unlocked the front door. Once inside the small house, John looked around curiously. Overall, it wasn't much, just a few scarce furnishings with hardly any pictures of mementos anywhere.

"Do you want anything? Tea? Coffee?" Natalie's voice was still strained, making it obvious that she wasn't happy about his unannounced arrival.

"Coffee's fine."

Natalie made her way down the narrow hallway and in to the kitchen, motioning for him to take a seat. John did so wordlessly and put the two large manila envelopes he had been carrying on the table.

As the coffee was brewing Natalie reached over and pressed play on the answering machine, wanting to stall whatever conversation they were about to have.

_"Hi, You've reached Robert Smythe and Natalie Balsom, neither of us is here at the moment, please leave a message and someone will get back to you."_

John looked up. Even though he had been the one to track her down and had found out she was back to using the name Balsom hearing her say it sounded strange. To him she had always been Natalie Vega.

"_Hey Nat, Its Michael. I just wanted to warn you that my idiot brother somehow found out where you were and is on his way there. I swear I had nothing to do with it. Also, Marcie and I have cleared her stuff out of the cottage so it's ready for you. See you soon."_

"Thanks for nothing Mikey." Natalie muttered under her breath as she deleted his message and started to pour the now- brewed coffee.

"You're coming back to Llanview?" John asked as Natalie handed him his coffee and sat across from him.

She nodded. "I promised Mom I would come home for Christmas. I'm going back to L.U in January to finish up my degree." Natalie took a small sip of her coffee. "Why are you here John?" she finally asked, sick of all the fake pleasantries.

John's face turned grim and he ran his fingers through his hair roughly. "About a week ago I started getting things delivered to me." John pushed one of the manila envelopes toward her. "Pictures of you."

Natalie's expression turned to shock as she slowly took the photos out and began to skim through them. There were pictures of her at work, out shopping, with Rob, and even some of her at home, sleeping, obviously taken outside her window.

Natalie looked up at John in terror, her discomfort at seeing him gone. "Was there a note? Do you have any leads?" she asked once she was able to find her voice.

John took a deep breath and pulled a folded piece of paper out of his jacket pocket and silently handed it toward her. Natalie unfolded the simple, typed note and skimmed it,

"_I see her when she's sleeping. _

_I know when she's awake. _

_I know if she's been bad or good… _

_I've got my eyes on her John and not even you can stop me."_

Natalie remained quiet, feeling sick to her stomach. Noticing this John continued to talk. "We tested for finger prints and had forensics do other tests on it but they all came back with nothing. So no, we don't have an leads." John looked down at the table ashamed that he wasn't able to give her anything else. "The assumption at the station is that whoever this guy is, he's after me… and just using our history to goad me into reacting."

"But?" Natalie asked, knowing John well enough to know something else was coming.

"But then we got these." John hesitantly pushed the other envelope toward her unable to meet her eyes.

Natalie quickly tore open the envelope and pulled out a few more pictures, gasping as she saw the first one.

Her face turning bright red she looked down at the table horrified. "Who else saw these?" she finally asked, unable to meet Johns eyes.

"No one."

Natalie looked up at him quizzically, her face still flaming. "They were never logged as evidence." He explained, still unable to meet her eyes.

Natalie once again picked up the pictures of herself and stared at them. In all three of them she was completely naked. One was taken as she was coming out of the shower, and the other two as she was getting dressed.

"He… he was… this close to my house?" she stammered.

John nodded trying to remain calm, even though deep down he was seething hating the fact that someone had violated her this way.

"You can destroy them, I just thought you needed to see them."

Natalie nodded, putting the pictures back in the envelope and looking down at her untouched coffee. Knowing that she couldn't let him see her fear and how bothered she was by this, Natalie raised her chin and stared coolly at him.

"Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I'll be back in Llanview sometime this week, so you can update me on any progress then." Natalie stood up and took both coffee mugs to the sink, turning her back on John.

He stared at her back, knowing that the wall he had worked so hard to break down, had yet again been raised. Defeated, he stood getting ready to leave. "Natalie, about what happened before…."

"Please just go."

John sighed in frustration and made his way back towards the front door but hesitated once Natalie opened the door motioning for him to leave. "I can't let you stay here alone."

"I'll be fine. Just go."

"I can't."

Natalie raised her eyebrows, not only exhausted but also exasperated. "What the hell do you plan to do John? Stay in your car all night?"

John flashed her his trademark smirk, "that's not a bad idea."

Her blue eyes flashing with anger Natalie slammed the door, shutting out John and trying to shut out the emotions which were rising in her.


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter Five 

_Flashback_

_Natalie was nervous._

_It had been two days since her rooftop encounter with John and she hadn't seen him since. Natalie had spent the next day at the hospital at Michael's insistence getting checked out and John had received a lead on some drug case the LPD had been working on. But both of them were scheduled to be back at work that day which is what made Natalie nervous. _

_Although she was excited to see John, part of her was worried that he would regret what happened that night, since in the past he had always seemed to push her away after getting close to her. _

_That night had been magical. _

_John had told her that he loved her, and then they had kissed. Nothing else had been said, no talk about the past, or Evangeline or even the fire at the Community Center. It had been perfect. They had stayed on the roof wrapped in each other's arms until sunrise, both relishing in the fact they were finally together. That was all she remembered. Sometime after sunrise sleepiness had overtaken her and Natalie had fallen asleep in Johns arms. According to one of the guards at Llanfair, John had driven her home and carried her to her room, making sure not to wake her. And that had been the last she had seen/heard from him. _

_Natalie took a deep breath and walked in to the LPD, forcing herself to look straight ahead and not towards his office. Moving slowly due to the injuries on her leg, Natalie sat down at her desk and threw herself in to working on sorting and filing the mountain of paperwork in front of her, amazed at the disorganization she saw. _

_Almost an hour had passed before John came out of his office looking tired and stressed. Natalie looked up from her filing and smiled at him, nervousness over taking her once again. John stopped, looked at her, then turned and walked back in to his office leaving a very confused Natalie staring after him. _

_Becoming angry she stood up and limped toward his office. Ignoring the shut door she barged in and glared at John who was now sitting behind his own desk. "What the hell was that?"_

_John grinned and stood up, making his way behind Natalie to close the door. "I wanted to get you alone." He whispered softly coming up behind her. Natalie slowly turned to face him. "And the only way to do that was to ignore me?" she asked raising her eyebrows, unsure whether to be annoyed or amused. _

_John nodded and closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to hers. All Natalie's fears and nervousness disappeared as she wrapped her arms around him. _

_After a few seconds of sheer bliss, John broke the passionate kiss and gazed down in to her eyes. _

"_Are you busy tonight?" he asked, still holding her close._

_Natalie shook her head. "Why?" _

_John remained silent, but Natalie understood. "Are you asking me out?" she questioned, a small smile playing on her lips._

"_You know I'm not good with words."_

_Natalie grinned. "Yes John, I'm free… but on one condition."_

_John looked down at her, his brow creased in worry. "What?"_

"_You do not even attempt to take me to the palace, the opera or anything that involves formal dress."_

_John laughed in relief thinking back to the year he had spent with Evangeline. "You've got yourself a deal." John told her leaning down and sealing their agreement with another passionate kiss._

_End Flashback_

Natalie turned on to her side and glanced over at the clock on her beside table.

3:47

She had been unsuccessfully trying to sleep for nearly four hours, but kept being flooded by the same memories that had been haunting her for months. Sighing, Natalie crawled out of bed and walked barefoot to her bedroom window which overlooked the street.

He was still there.

Natalie turned away from the window torn. Although she was still incredibly hurt and angry with John, Natalie couldn't deny that she still cared for him. Even after everything he had done, that hadn't changed – a fact which greatly upset Natalie.

She was also scared.

Those pictures had shaken her a lot more then she wanted to admit. Natalie had always prided herself on being alert and aware of her surroundings. It came from years of practice living in low rental areas with Roxy bringing home a different man each night. Yet, someone had managed to get that close, and she had been oblivious.

Shivering, Natalie picked her terry cloth bathrobe up from the floor and bundled herself up in it. She had come to Atlantic City needing to escape. After everything that had happened Natalie knew she needed to be alone and deal with her grief. So, that's what she had done.

Natalie had arrived back in Atlantic City similar to the way she had arrived in Llanview all those years ago – alone, with one suitcase and no where to go. Luckily, she had run into Rob, a friend from long ago whom she had unfortunately lost touch with. Rob had needed a roommate and Natalie had needed a place to crash, so it had worked out perfectly.

For the first month she hadn't worked, instead deciding to spend her time helping out at the local Community Center with troubled teens. Then, Joe had approached her. Before coming to Llanview Natalie had worked at his bar for almost two years, and Joe had hated losing such a great waitress. So, when his usual bartender broke his ankle, Joe practically begged Natalie too fill in, not wanting to go through the hassle of training someone new.

But tonight had been her last shift and Natalie planned on heading back to Llanview and getting her life back on track. Knowing what she had to do, Natalie made her way down to the kitchen and put on another pot of coffee.


	7. Chapter Six

Goin-Crazy, Chelsea, Robin and Becca – Thank you so much for your reviews. All Feedback helps! 

A big thanks to **Nala23** for her multipue reviews – its readers like you who really keep me motivated!

And another big thanks to **Becca** for all her help with this story! You've been wonderful!

Chapter Six 

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Startled, John jolted awake to find Natalie tapping on the passenger side door. Leaning over the seat, John manually unlocked the door and opened it for her.

"You were sleeping?" Natalie asked as she climbed in to the passenger seat, carefully balancing a steaming mug of coffee and some blankets. "Good job protecting me."

Ignoring her sarcasm John looked over at her. "What are you doing out here?"

Natalie passed him the coffee and thrust the blankets at him. "I don't feel like waking up and dealing with a frozen carcass. Here."

John wrapped himself up in the blankets and held the hot mug in between his hands desperately trying to warm up. "Thanks."

Natalie continued to sit in silence for a few minutes staring straight ahead, something obviously on her mind. But John didn't push her, experience having taught him she didn't respond well to being questioned.

Finally she spoke. "Am I in danger?" She asked nervously, traces of fear evident in her voice.

John hesitated, unsure how to answer. Finally he decided to go with honesty, having learned his lesson in terms of trying to protect Natalie. "I don't know." He paused for a moment unsure how to proceed. "But I do know I won't let anything happen to you."

"Why are you doing this?" she spoke softly, still unable to meet his eyes.

Unsure of how she meant the question, John answered the best he could, "Natalie… you know why." Taking a deep breath John continued knowing he was stepping on shaky ground. "Can we please talk about what happened?"

Natalie shook her head furiously. "I can't do this." Instantly, she was out of the car and heading back toward the house.

"Damn it." John muttered under his breath, hating how horrible everything had turned out. Taking a sip of the coffee Natalie had brought him, John let his mind wander back to when everything had been ruined.

_Flashback_

_John had just stepped out of the shower when he heard the front door to his apartment slam shut. _

'_Natalie…' John thought smiling as he quickly wrapped a towel around himself and made his way toward the main room. _

_John and Natalie had been together for three months now, ever since the night they had run in to each other on the roof of the hotel, and things were going great. The relationship came naturally; likely due to the many years both Natalie and John had spent wanting something to happen. John had even given Natalie a key, this time giving it out on a permanent basis, a large step for John. _

_No one in Llanview had been surprised when they started dating, most just flashed him or her a knowing smile and congratulated them, but there were others such as Rex who continuously commented on the amount of time it had taken them to reach this point. Even Evangeline – who was now seeing Kevin - had wished them well._

_As he entered the room, he found Natalie sitting motionless on the edge of his bed. Before John could even manage to get a greeting out, she was on her feet flying at him. _

"_Tell me this is a lie John, some sort of sick joke," she yelled waving leather bound journal, which had been hidden from view. "Tell me that you have no idea what they are talking about. Tell me that, that man was an imposter and not my husband." Tears were now pouring down Natalie's face as she found herself on the verge of becoming hysterical. "Tell me that the man who was killed in jail wasn't my husband, and that I didn't give up my last chance at happiness."_

_John stared at her motionless, unable to speak knowing that nothing he said could make it any better. But for Natalie, the silence was all she needed. _

_Wham. _

_John staggered backwards, her punch having come out of nowhere. "I hate you." Natalie screamed as she moved toward him, getting ready to strike at him again. _

_Straightening himself up, John turned to look at Natalie, his eyes full of regret. "Natalie I…" _

"_How could you?" Her eyes were full of fury, hysteria replacing her earlier rage. "How could you put me through this? Because of you I had to mourn my husband all over again. I beat myself up over allowing what I thought to be an imposter in my bed." Natalie paused trying unsuccessfully to control herself. "You saw how devastated I was, yet you let me continue to be consumed with grief, and self-hatred. How could you do that to me?"_

_John began to speak slowly, unsure of how to explain. "He begged me to keep it a secret. He wanted you to move on with your life." _

_Natalie spun around to face him. "So that's Cristian's excuse, now where's yours? What was it John, the guilt you felt over Las Vegas? Did you feel you still owed him in some way? Or was it the fact it gave you the ability to lead me on a little more? You know, get_ _my husband out of the way, then pull me around so that when things with Evangeline didn't work out you still got to have poor, lonely Natalie around for a good fuck."_

"_That's not fair Natalie," _

"_Really? I think it's perfectly accurate John. All you have ever done is lead me on. 'I'll always be here for you,' 'You can count on me,' and all the other lines you have used over the past few years."_

"_It wasn't about sex Natalie, You know that…"_

"_Oh so then it was guilt?" She interrupted. "By keeping his secret you make everything up to him. Well what about me John? What about our supposed friendship? Our new relationship? I guess that was out of guilt too… and by allowing my husband to rot in jail like he wanted, you were able to get his wife in bed." Natalie took a deep breath, tears still streaming down her cheeks. "Tell me John, do you even love me?"_

_John looked at her pained. "Natalie, you know I do."_

"_Then how could you do this to me?" She yelled spinning around and walking toward his desk. "People who love each other don't keep secrets like this. I gave you my body, heart and soul, and this is what you do?"_

"_Natalie, I…"_

"_I don't want to hear your excuses," she shouted grabbing the empty coffee mug that sat perched on his desk, and hurling it at his head. John managed to duck, and the ceramic mug hit the wall shattering into pieces. "I am sick of your excuses. When you felt responsible for Cristian's death in Vegas, I did everything in my power to forgive you for your involvement and even went as far as reassuring you that you weren't to blame." Natalie paused, and stared at him, her eyes cold. "This time, you are to blame. Because of you an innocent man died in prison. Because of you, I lost my husband AGAIN. Because of you, I have to grieve for the third time. There will be no reassurances or forgiveness this time, because you are to blame."_

"_Natalie," John tried once again, coming toward her and gently grabbing her arm. _

"_Don't touch me." She hollered tearing herself from his grasp and throwing the door open. Instinctively John started to follow her, but realizing he was still clad only in a towel stopped and quickly pulled on a pair of jeans. _

"_Natalie wait." He yelled, rushing from the room and taking the stairs two at a time. Reaching the first floor, John noticed Natalie had stopped and was leaning against the wall, doubled over with her face twisted in pain._

_Alarmed, John rushed to her side. "Are you okay?"_

"_Stay away from me." She cried once again, suddenly clutching her stomach._

"_What the hell is going on here?" Hearing Rex's voice, John turned toward the hotel entrance where the younger man stood, just having entered the hotel._

_Once John moved Rex was able to see Natalie who now was all but laying on the ground, sobbing. "Natty," Rex called pushing past John and getting to his sister's side. "What happened?" He asked, briefly turning his attention to John._

"_Keep him away from me." Natalie yelled. Rex leaned down and scooped Natalie up in to his arms. Starting to move back toward the entrance. _

"_Where are you taking her?" John asked following Rex outside the hotel. Rex ignored John and gently helped a sobbing Natalie get in to the passenger side of his car. "Rex," John grabbed the other mans arm, forcing him to look in his eyes. _

"_Listen McBain, I don't know what the hell happened with you and my sister. All I know is she doesn't want you around and I am taking her to a hospital. Now get the hell off of me."_

_Reluctantly John let go of Rex, knowing that he wouldn't let anything happen to her. "I'll meet you at the hospital." Not wanting to waste time arguing, Rex jumped in to the drivers side and sped off towards the hospital. _

_End Flashback_

The memory of that day had been torturing John for months. He still didn't know how she had found out about Cristian, or where the journal had come from. He had followed Rex to the hospital and sat there for hours, waiting for word on Natalie.

But none came. Rex wouldn't speak to him, Michael avoided him and no one would let him get near her. Finally he had cornered Michael.

_Flashback_

"_You have to tell me what's going on with her Mickey." _

_Michael stared frostily at his older brother, "No I don't." _

"_Mike, I need to know she's going to be okay."_

"_She'll be fine, no thanks to you. How could you do that to her man? Not tell her about Cris?"_

"_Don't start with me Michael." John warned, not in the mood for one of his brother's lectures._

"_I will start with you. Natalie Vega is a wonderful person, funny, kind, caring, not to mention absolutely gorgeous, and for some reason she fell in love with you. You have led her on for years, treated her like crap at times, and even left her to die in a fire… yet, she still loves you. And you do this to her." Michael shook his head. _

"_Michael please." John begged needing to know how she was._

_Michael remained silent for a few seconds, seeming torn. Finally he spoke. "If I tell you, you have to promise to leave Natalie alone, at least for awhile."_

_Although puzzled by his brothers concern for Natalie, John nodded. "She will be fine. She suffered a severe anxiety attack brought on by stress. She needs time."_

"_Anxiety? Natalie? Are you sure? Natalie's strong."_

_Michael suddenly became defensive. "Anyone can have an anxiety attack. I have patients to tend too."_

_Michael turned and left, leaving a confused John in his wake. _

_End Flashback_

The thought of an anxiety attack worried John, something so unlike Natalie. And yet he had caused it, caused the strongest woman he'd ever known to break and shatter before his very eyes. He promised Michael he would stay away, and he did, but not for his brother, for her. He couldn't bear the thought of hurting her again, of damaging that fragile wild spirit he loved so much. So John had spent the next few days holed up in his apartment waiting for the rest of Llanview to get wind of what he had done, waiting to be punished. But, no one came, no angry former friends, no devils collection payment for his sin. No one, except Rex.

_Flashback_

"_Open up McBain. I know you're in there." _

_John staggered toward the door, suddenly feeling the effects of the Jack Daniels he had been drinking. Throwing open the door, John waited for Rex's fist to connect with his face. But it never happened. Instead Rex just pushed past John and closed the door. _

"_I would like nothing more then to beat the shit out of you for what you did to my sister, but I promised Natty I wouldn't. I am here to tell you two things. Number one, aside from Michael and myself no one knows what you did. Natty wants it to stay that way. Despite wanting the rest of Llanview to see you for the jerk you are, she doesn't want Antonio and Carlotta to go through the pain you put her through."_

_John remained silent, feeling as if he had been punched. _

"_Secondly, Natty has left town. She doesn't know when or even if she will come back. She wants you to stay the hell away from her. Don't go looking for her, don't try and contact her - nothing."_

_Without waiting for John to say anything, Rex left the apartment, once again leaving John all alone. _

_End Flashback_

Tap. Tap. Tap.

John was once again startled out of his thoughts by the sight of Natalie, this time at the driver's side window. John couldn't help but think of how beautiful and natural she looked, standing outside in the snow. John rolled down the window, trying not to seem too hopeful.

"There's a couch inside, it's yours if you want it." That was all she said before turning and walking back toward the house. John quickly turned off the car and followed her, happy to be free of the cold.

It wasn't much, but maybe it was a start.


	8. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Around eight o'clock the next morning, John awoke to the slamming of a car door. Immediately alert, John stood up and moved beside the large bay window and remaining hidden from view, looked out on the street. John watched as a tall young man made his way up the driveway, and paused in front of the doorway looking at his surroundings cautiously. Then, the young man ducked down, lifted up the side of the welcome mat, and grabbed a shiny metal object, which could only be a key.

Alarmed, John moved from his place at the window and crept toward the hallway, making sure his gun was in place. Within seconds, John heard the sound of a key in the lock, and watched as the door swung open. Keeping himself out of view, John waited as the man quietly shut the door and began to move up the hallway.

"Freeze." John shouted as he whipped out his gun and aimed it at the stranger before him. "Who are you?"

Startled, the younger man stopped and gave John a confused stare. "Who am I? Who the hell are you? And why are you in my living room?"

Slowly it clicked in to place. The roommate. John withdrew his gun and placed it back in to his holster. "You must be Rob."

"That still doesn't explain who you are or why you are in my house."

John opened his mouth to explain but closed it as Natalie walked into the living room looking annoyed and disheveled, clad in her pajamas. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Red, do you know this man?" Rob asked turning his attention to Natalie. "Because he just pulled a gun on me."

"John!" Natalie exclaimed shooting him a murderous look. Natalie sighed. "I'm sorry Rob, this is Lieutenant John McBain from the Llanview police department."

Recognition flashed in Rob's eyes, and once again John found himself waiting for angry words on Natalie's behalf, but like before nothing came. "Your Red's cop friend, the one that saved her life." Rob walked over to John and offered him his hand. "It's great to meet you."

Although surprised that he was receiving such a warm reception, John shook the other mans hand, concluding that Natalie had also kept Rob in the dark regarding what had happened between them.

"Sorry about that. I saw you take the key from under the mat."

Rob smiled in understanding. "Oh that. I was in such a rush I left my house key here last night. But why are you here?" Rob turned to look at Natalie, his face concerned. "Is everything okay Red?"

Natalie shook her head. "We have a little bit of a situation."

"That sounds serious. I haven't had a chance to eat yet, how about you fill me in over breakfast? John would you like to join us?" Rob asked, ushering Natalie toward the kitchen.

Ignoring the look Natalie shot him, John smiled. "That sounds great."

"My train leaves in a few hours so I am going to go get ready and finish packing." Natalie stood up from the table once they had finished eating. "Please refrain from pulling a gun on anymore of my friends." She said frostily, glaring at John, obviously still upset that he hadn't left yet.

Once Natalie was out of earshot, John turned his attention back to Rob. "So how long have you known Natalie?" John asked suspiciously, the cop in him needing to make sure this Rob guy wasn't suspect, and part of him needing confirmation that there wasn't anything going on between them.

Oblivious to John's accusatory tone, Rob grinned. "Since we were kids." Letting out a small chuckle, he continued. "We were in the same class in first grade, and on the second or third day, a bunch of us boys were playing soccer at recess. So, Natalie came up to us and asked if she could play. Naturally this was a big offence to us boys, who at the time hated girls, so I stepped forward and told her so." Once again Rob let out a small laugh. "I stupidly said something along the lines of, 'We don't play with girls,' And if that wasn't bad enough I added, 'Go back where you belong, playing stupid dollies with the other girls.'"

John smiled; he could only imagine Natalie's reaction to that. "What did she do?"

Rob smiled sheepishly. "Tackled me to the ground and started to beat the shit out of me."

John burst out laughing, finding it easy to picture a younger Natalie. "That doesn't surprise me." John remarked.

"Yeah, we both ended up spending every recess and lunch hour in the office for a month, but we became friends. Actually stayed pretty close up until graduation, even dated for awhile."

"What happened?" John's voice came off cool, but deep down the earlier feelings of jealously were starting to resurface.

Rob's eyes narrowed. "Seth."

Although he hadn't been around to actually meet Seth, John hated the guy, having heard stories about how he had hurt Natalie.

"Natalie and I remained best friends up until senior year, then we started dating. It was the first serious relationship for either of us, but things were going great. Then graduation came, and I got a scholarship to University of Michigan. Seth used this to his advantage, prying on Natalie's insecurities."

Rob paused and looked at John. "Although Natalie always appeared to be strong and independent, deep down there was this little girl inside of her, which was terrified of being abandoned. Seth used this fear, and managed to convince her that was what I was going to do. So, she broke up with me, and the two of them eventually headed off to Llanview. Seth and I had never gotten along, so I guess it was out of spite. You never know with that guy."

"What guy?" Natalie's voice came out of nowhere, startling both men.

"I was just telling John how we met." Rob replied quickly, not wanting Natalie to know they had been discussing Seth.

Natalie broke out into a wide grin. " Oh, the time when a girl kicked your ass on the playground?"

Rob laughed. "You were always getting me into trouble Red."

"I was not." Natalie protested. "You're the one that got us arrested."

Unable to help himself John watched jealously as the two of them continued to bicker back and forth. For what seemed like the zillionth time, John found himself regretting everything that had happened and everything that he had caused.

"Aren't you going back to Llanview John?" Rob's voice startled John out of his thoughts.

He nodded.

Robs eyes narrowed in confusion. "So why doesn't Natalie just go back with you? Saves her time and money. Plus, ."

Natalie offered Rob a fake smile, once again grateful he wasn't able to read her as well as he once could. "I had thought about asking John, but he promised his mother he'd visit her while he was in the area."

"But didn't you live with his mother for awhile? I'm sure she'd want to see you too Red." Rob persisted, still oblivious to Natalie's discomfort and Johns growing amusement.

"Yeah Natalie, I'm sure my mom would love that." John said, earning a murderous glare from Natalie.

"I wouldn't want to intrude. Plus, I don't mind the train."

"But Red, is it safe? You said it yourself, someone may be targeting you. What if that someone follows you on the train?"

"I'll be fine Rob." Natalie replied trying not to let her frustrations show. "John, tell him I'll be fine."

Johns face turned serious. "Actually, I agree with Rob on this."

Natalie sighed as she found herself out of excuses. "Fine," she snapped angrily. "Let me get my stuff." Fixing John with one last steely glance, she made her way back toward her bedroom.

One Natalie had left the room, Rob turned back to John. "I really hope you can get over your commitment issues."

Confused, John shot the man a questioning look. "Commitment issues?"

Rob nodded. "Natalie explained to me that you guys had dated for awhile, but it didn't work out because of the loss of your fiancé. Natalie is an amazing woman, and I can tell you still care for her. For both your sakes, I hope you can work through those problems."

Suddenly it all made sense. This was the story Natalie had told people about their break-up, which explained why most residents of Llanview had been shooting him looks of pity for the past three months.

John nodded uncomfortably, unsure how to respond. But, Ron continued speaking oblivious to John's discomfort.

"You know I was surprised to hear Red had gotten involved with a cop, she's always had a problem with authority."

John couldn't help but smile as she flashed back to all of the messes she had managed to get herself in despite

Upon reaching her room Natalie shut and locked her bedroom door, then leaned against the wooden frame, needing a few seconds to compose herself.

Although Natalie had known that she was bound to run into John once she was back in Llanview, she had taken comfort in the knowledge that it would be in passing, and never more then a few minutes of polite conversation. But, seeing him after all these months was a lot harder then she had expected.

Natalie realized now, that despite everything John had done she wasn't over him, but also knew he had caused her too much loss for her to forgive him.

'_I can't go through that pain again.' _Natalie thought to herself as she subconsciously put her hand on her stomach.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

_Flashback_

"_Congratulations!" Michael said, pulling a dazed Natalie into a hug. Natalie broke away from his grasp and nervously started pacing the small examining room. _

"_This is wonderful." Michael continued, oblivious to Natalie's reaction. "I'm going to be an uncle. Your about three months along, so you'll be due around March."_

_Natalie whirled around to face him, looking like a dear caught in headlights. "ho…how did this happen?" _

_Michael laughed. "Natalie, if I need to explain that to you…" Michael trailed off seeing Natalie's angry glare. "Whoa….aren't you happy about this?_

_This is all John needs." Natalie collapsed in to one of the vinyl chairs, tears welling up in her eyes. _

_Confused, Michael grabbed another chair, moved it across the room and sat down so he was facing Natalie. "What do you mean?"_

"_John and I have only been together for three months, Mikey." Natalie said as if that explained it all. _

"_So?" Michael pressed, still unsure of the problem._

"_So, I don't want to scare him off." Natalie yelled, frustrated at how clueless Michael could be sometimes._

_Michael looked at her incredulously. "Natalie, that's crazy. John loves you, hell he's always loved you."_

_You and I both know that when John feels trapped, or scared he pushes people away. Do you honestly think he's going to be overjoyed at the news of a baby?" Natalie looked up at Michael, saddened. _

"_Yes I do." Michael's voice was serious. "Natalie trust me, John is going to be thrilled." _

"_You really think so?" Natalie's voice was hopeful. _

"_I am positive." Michael pulled her towards him. _

_End Flashback_

Natalie awoke with a start, the memory still fresh in her mind.

"Pull off at the next exit," Natalie shouted as they passed the sign warning of an exit. Confused, John did as she said and got in to the exit lane.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly, concerned.

Natalie just shook her head, unable to speak memories still flooding her mind.

A few minutes later, John pulled in to the parking lot of a coffee shop. Immediately, Natalie was out of the car and running inside. Sighing, John turned off the car and followed her inside.

Natalie closed the bathroom door behind her, grateful that it was a single washroom. After locking the door, Natalie made her way toward the sink and splashed some cold water on her face. Taking a few deep breaths, she tried to relax.

The memory of that night had been haunting her for months, and no matter what Natalie did, she couldn't escape it.

_Flashback_

_After leaving the hospital, an excited Natalie made her way to Llanfair wanting to change in to something nicer before meeting John at his place. Talking to Michael had really helped reassure her and now Natalie couldn't wait to tell John about the pregnancy. _

_As Natalie entered the house, she noticed a large box on the foyer table. Natalie dropped her keys in to her purse and curious, made her way over to it. It was addressed to her and had various postage stamps over it. Looking the box over Natalie's breath caught in her throat as she noticed the original sender – Statesville prison. _

_Slowly, she stepped away from the box trying to calm down. Why had this been sent to her?_

_Knowing that Vicki or Jessica could be home any second, Natalie lifted the box and carried it upstairs toward her room, not wanting to have to deal with their questions. Placing the box on her bed, Natalie just stared at it for a few minutes, unsure how to proceed. _

_Finally, curiosity got the better of her. "It's just a box." She told herself as she grabbed a pair of scissors from her desk. "I've moved on… I am happy with John." She thought to herself. Slowly Natalie started to open the box, dreading what she may find. The last thing she wanted was another gift from that imposter. Once she had managed to cut through the layers of tape, Natalie lifted the flaps and found a small white envelope on top. Tearing it open, she unfolded the note and began to read,_

**_July 15th 2005_**

_**Dear Mrs. Vega**_

_**Here are your husband's belongings. Once again we express our condolences for your loss.**_

_**Statesville Prison** _

_Natalie let out the breath she had been holding, suddenly relieved. _

_The monster was dead._

_Smiling Natalie ripped up the generic note and tossed it into her wastebasket. Obviously there had been a mix-up at the prison and they had sent her the imposter's things without realizing their mistake. That didn't bother Natalie, as she was just happy the nightmare was finally over. _

_Natalie once again lifted the box, ready to take it out to the garbage bins. However halfway across the room, she lost her grip on the box and it fell to the ground. Annoyed, Natalie once again began to lift the box but stopped when something caught her eye. _

_Trembling, Natalie once again set the box down and re-opened it. With shaking hands she pulled off the protective cover and pulled out the painting. Her face stared back at her. _

"_No, this can't be possible." Natalie said to herself still staring at the painting. _

_Carefully setting the painting down, Natalie madly began rummaging through the box, needing something to prove it wasn't possible. She stopped as she noticed a small, brown leather journal peaking out from under a shirt. _

_With shaking hands, Natalie picked up the journal and sat down at the desk. Taking a deep breath, she began to read. _

**_February 27/05_**

_**Its been two weeks. Two long, shitty weeks. Damn that asshole McBain, if he had just left everything alone it wouldn't be this way. Not knowing who I am would have been a hell of a lot better then knowing I have a wife and family who loved me. **_

_**Ever since McBain came in waving those damn DNA test results in my face, my memory has been coming back. Today I remembered our wedding, and even picked up a paintbrush for the first time in weeks. **_

_**I painted Natalie. **_

_**McBain better keep his word and never tell Natalie who I really am. The only thing keeping me going is knowing that she's safe and will be able to someday be happy. **_

_**As much as it kills me to admit it, she really is better off thinking I'm dead. **_

_Sobbing, Natalie closed the journal unable to read anymore. _

_End Flashback_

Eventually her grief turned to anger, and Natalie had stormed across town to John's apartment to confront him. All the earlier happy thoughts about the pregnancy and their future were gone. She completely lost it, yelling, hitting, and even throwing things at him. It wasn't until she was halfway down the stairs that she noticed the sharp, stabbing pain in her abdomen.

_Flashback_

"_What the hell is going on here?" Rex's angry voice filled Natalie will relief. Her brother was here. Natalie watched as Rex ran over to them, pushing John away. "Natty," he said, his voice and eyes scared, as he saw the state his usually strong sister was in. Once again John moved toward her, but Natalie clutched Rex. "Keep him away from me."_

_Seeing the anger and fear in his sister's eyes, Rex gathered her in his arms and made his way toward the exit, without another look at John. After he had helped her in to the car, Natalie noticed the small trail of blood that was running down her legs. _

_By the time Rex managed to get away from John and was back in the car, Natalie was hysterically sobbing, "Not my baby." Noticing the blood, Rex started the engine and sped toward the hospital, trying to remain calm for Natalie's benefit._

_End Flashback_

Although Rex had managed to get her to the hospital in record time, she had miscarried. Even though she had just found out about the pregnancy hours earlier, the miscarriage combined with John's betrayal had hit her hard. Despite the objections of Rex and Michael, Natalie had checked herself out of the hospital early the next morning and rented a room at the Palace, not wanting to see or speak to anyone. She had Rex make up some story for Vicki and Bo.

That was how she had spent her last night in Llanview. Early the next morning, she had begun making preparations for her speedy departure from Llanview. She had told everyone the same story; things with John hadn't worked out because she couldn't compete with a dead fiancée and that staying in Llanview would just be too hard. They all bought it as it was no secret how scared John was when it came to commitment. As much as she had wanted to tell everyone the truth and have them see John for what he really was, Natalie knew there was no way she could put Antonio and Carlotta through that pain.

Natalie had desperately wanted to tell her mother the truth and get some insight and advice, but knew that Vicki had enough to deal with since Jessica's battle with DID had come to light. At the time, Jessica had been in St. Anne's, undergoing many rounds of therapy to help cure the disorder. So, Natalie had stepped back knowing Jessica needed their mother more then she did.

Packing only a suitcase, Natalie had taken off to the train station where she had caught the first train back to A.C.

Taking a few more deep breaths, Natalie once again tried to push the memories aside. Seeing John after all these months had caused all those feelings resurface, and Natalie wasn't sure she could deal with it.

She emerged almost twenty minutes later, barely acknowledging John. Not wanting to push her, John wordlessly followed her back to the car.


	10. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

After their impromptu stop at the coffee shop, neither of them spoke. John knew something was bothering Natalie, but didn't push it. As much as he wanted to just pull over and force her to talk this out, he knew he couldn't risk alienating her with everything that was going on. Although he knew and understood that Natalie would probably never forgive him, John wished he could have a chance to explain why he had done it. He was also worried, wondering what had happened back there. Up until that point the drive had been fine, despite Natalie's silence. But now, she remained cold, staring straight ahead.

Finally, just as they hit the 'Welcome to Llanview' sign, she spoke.

"You can drop me off at the cottage." Her voice was icy, her eyes continuing to stare straight ahead.

Concerned, John looked over at her. "You're staying there? Do you really think that's a good idea with everything going on?"

Natalie laughed bitterly. "If this guy is as dangerous as you think, I'm sure he'll find a way to get to me, no matter where I am."

"That's not the point Natalie. Someone out there is targeting you, and –"

"Are they though?" Natalie cut him off.

"What?" John asked, frustration creeping into his voice.

Natalie's eyes narrowed. "How are you sure I'm the target?"

John stared at her incredulous. "The guy followed you and took pictures..."

"And then proceeded to send them to you. If I was the target why wouldn't they contact me? Tell me John, have you played God in anyone else's life lately? Kept some other wives from their husbands?"

John sighed ignoring her comment. As much as he hated to admit it, she did have a point. He had been co caught up in his worry for Natalie's safety he hadn't stopped to consider the other possibilities. John made a mental note to check and see if anyone from his old cases had been released from jail lately.

"Listen… regardless of who this guy is after or why, just be careful. If you see or hear anything out of the ordinary I want you to call me."

Natalie remained silent.

After John had dropped her off, Natalie let herself in to the cottage unaware of what awaited her. Back in November when she had started to consider coming back to Llanview, she had called Rex and asked him to get the cottage ready – but she wanted it changed. She had considered selling it, but couldn't bear too remembering how happy she had been the day Vicki had given her the deed. So, she had asked Rex to re-paint the living room and buy a new bedroom set, hoping to escape some of the memories those two rooms held. However, Natalie was unprepared for the total transformation the cottage had gone through.

Stepping in to the foyer, Natalie was amazed. The hallway and living room had both been re-painted and refurnished, this time with her in mind. There were simple colors and patterns, no flowers or antiques in sight. Natalie spent the next few minutes excitedly moving from room to room anxious to see what awaited her, unable to believe the amount of work Rex had gone too.

"You like it?" Rex asked coming up behind her in the master bedroom.

"Rex!" Natalie threw her arms around her brother and hugged him tightly. "I missed you."

Rex hugged her back, happy to have his sister home. "I missed you too Natty."

"The cottage looks amazing Rex. How did you manage this?" Natalie asked, still in awe over the transformation. The room had been painted a light mint green, with cream colored furniture. It looked amazing.

"Your mom and Jess helped a lot."

"Mom did this?" Natalie questioned, thinking about Llanfair abundance of flower printed furniture, and antique tables.

Rex nodded. "I was surprised too. She really seems to know you Natty."

For the first time in months Natalie smiled widely. "I'm glad to be home."

She watched from a distance as Natalie and Rex left the cottage, smiling to herself at how easy this had become.

When Natalie had been in Atlantic City, it had been hard to keep tabs on her, as frequent absences would begin to arouse suspicion and increase her risk of being discovered. So, she had settled on three day trips to do the job. Taking just enough pictures to start off with.

But now Natalie was back in Llanview, and that made it much easier for her and opened up so many more opportunities.

She waited until both Natalie and Rex had pulled out of the driveway before striding to the door and pulling out a key. This was the perfect opportunity to have a look around and see what other resources were at her disposal.

"Now that she's back, I can get both her and Johnny right were I want them." She thought to herself as she closed the door behind her.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

Hesitantly Natalie let herself into Llanfair, unsure of what she would find. Since leaving Llanview Natalie hadn't seen Jessica, and was worried about what awaited her despite both Vicki and Clint's insistences that Jessica had been integrated.

"Mom? Jess? Kevin?" Natalie called out as she looked around in amazement at the abundance of Christmas decorations. It was only the first week of December, yet the entire place resembled something out of a Macy's display window.

A young man with blonde hair appeared in the doorway of the living room startling her. "You must be Natalie." Grinning, he held out his hand. As if sensing her confusion he added, "Jess has told me so much about you."

Natalie smiled as it clicked in to place. "And you must be Nash. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Natalie followed him back in to the living room and took a seat on one of the overstuffed sofas. "Where is everyone?"

Nash smiled. "Jess went to drop off an article at the Banner, and your mom wanted to stop over at the carriage house and talk to Kelly about something. Jess is running a little late, so Vicki insisted I wait here. I'm sorry if I startled you. "

Natalie shook her head. "It's fine. Actually, I am glad we have a second alone. I need to know, how is Jess doing? And I mean the truth, none of that bullshit Antonio used to feed us."

Nash couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. He could tell the fiery red head sitting across from him was tough, and didn't take any crap. Nash couldn't help but admire how upfront she was when it came to her twins well being.

"I wouldn't lie to you Natalie. You're her twin; you have every right to know what's going on with Jessica. She's doing much better. There have been no reappearances of Tess, and the doctors are confident the personalities have integrated. The only concern right now is that Tess never revealed what caused the split in the first place. However, Jess is still going to weekly therapy sessions at St. Anne's and the doctors feel they are close to finding out what caused it."

Natalie let out the breath she had been holding. "So, there's nothing I need to be prepared for?"

Nash laughed. "Well, she did she mention her excitement at having you back since it gave her someone to go Christmas shopping with. Does that count?"

Natalie smiled. This guy was exactly what Jessica needed.

"Listen Natalie, Jess mentioned you were married to Antonio's brother… I hope there are no hard feelings about what happened."

Natalie shook her head. "Absolutely not Nash, I just want Jessica to be happy. And in my opinion, the minute Antonio shacked up with that whore Layla is when he became undeserving of Jess." Natalie groaned thinking about having to run into either of them. "Are they still together?"

"Is who still together?" Jessica's voice broke in.

"Jess!" Natalie exclaimed, crossing the room to pull her sister into a hug. "I have missed you so much."

Jessica gripped her sister tightly as if holding on for dear life. "Oh Natalie," she whispered. "You have no idea how hard these few months have been without you."

Natalie pulled away, her eyes brimming with a few tears. Although getting away from John had been her main reason for leaving, Natalie was ashamed to admit part of her had felt there was nothing left for her in Llanview. All the Buchanan's had been rallying around Jess and Natalie had once again felt like the outsider who wasn't really needed. Seeing how happy her sister was to have her back made Natalie realize how wrong she had been.

"Oh Jess, I am so sorry…"

Jessica pulled her in for another hug. "It's okay. I know what happened with John. You're here now and that's all that matters." Breaking away, Jessica led Natalie to the sofa. "So I see you have met Nash. So what were you guys talking about when I got here? Is who still together?"

Natalie and Nash exchanged a guilty look both unsure what to say. Finally Natalie spoke quietly. "Antonio and Layla."

Jessica laughed. "Oh you're not going to believe this Nat; Antonio is still with one of the Williamson sisters, just not Layla."

Natalie's eyes widened in shock. "No way."

Jessica nodded still smiling. "Yeah, him and Evangeline. You should have seen the huge catfight those sisters had at the Palace. It was awful. Anyway, Evangeline and Antonio took Jamie and relocated to New York. As for Layla, no one knows what happened to her."

"Or cares for that matter." Nash piped in, remembering his own encounter with that awful woman.

Natalie laughed in relief, happy to know that aside from John, there wouldn't be any more unpleasant encounters.

"Nash and I were going to head to the Palace for dinner. Do you want to join us?" Jessica asked looking down at her watch.

Natalie shook her head. "I am going to wait here for mom. You guys go ahead."

"Okay but you're coming to Grandpa's tonight right? For the Buchanan tree decorating party?"

Natalie grinned. "I wouldn't dream of missing it."

"Okay, how about if afterward I go home with you so we can catch up?"

"Sounds good."

John slammed his fist down in frustration sending files flying everywhere. "God dammit." he yelled, as he stood up and began gathering the papers strewn around his office.

"Bad news?" Bo asked as he entered the room and began helping his chief of detectives pick up the papers.

John sighed angrily and motioned for Bo to take a seat. "It's this damn stalker case. On the way back to Llanview, Natalie pointed out that this could have nothing to do with her and be about me." Frustrated, John roughly ran his fingers through his hair. "So I made some calls and checked to see if anyone I had put away had escaped, or gotten out on Parole. There's nothing. So I still have nothing."

Bo nodded. "John, you have ran the letter and pictures multiple times for prints, tested the envelopes for DNA and now this. You have done everything you can. You just have to wait it out, see if this guy contacts you again."

Once again John slammed his fist down on the desk. "This is Natalie's life we are talking about. What the hell am I supposed to do, just sit back and wait until he does something else to her?"

Bo's eyes narrowed angrily. "Natalie is my niece and the closest thing I have to a daughter. Of course I know the risks. But John, there is nothing else you can do. If you continue to sit here and throw papers around you run the risk of missing something if he does contact you."

John took a deep breath trying to control his anger. "I'm sorry Bo. Not being able to do anything kills me."

Bo watched the younger man try and control his emotions. He still remembered the night Natalie had showed up at his apartment to tell him she was leaving town.

_Flashback_

_Bo opened the door, shocked to find his niece standing on the other side. Wrapping his robe tighter around him, Bo ushered her in, noticing Natalie's red rimmed eyes and disheveled appearance. Bo led her over to the sofa and took a seat next to her, waiting for her to speak._

_Finally she did, seeming to be on the verge of tears. "I am so sorry Uncle Bo, I know you took a chance on me, and I am letting you down, but I just can't, I have to do it."_

_Confused, Bo tried to keep up but she was talking rapidly and not making any sense. Usually Natalie was the strong one, so to see her like this worried Bo. _

"_Shhh, take a deep breath… Good, now speak slowly. What do you have to do?"  
_

"_Leave Llanview. I can't, I just can't stay here, not when he's here. I just can't." And with that Natalie broke down, and Bo held her as she sobbed. _

_End Flashback_

Once Natalie had calmed down, she had explained that John and her were over, because John still couldn't commit to her because of Caitlyn. Bo's instincts told him there was more to the story, because in Bo's eyes, John had moved on long ago and was obviously in love with Natalie. But, Natalie had insisted, and Bo stopped questioning it. Knowing it was what she wanted people to believe, Bo had gone along with it and never mentioned it to John. But, now with Natalie back and in possible danger, he couldn't help himself.

"Listen, for the past three months I haven't said anything because Natalie asked me not too, and because frankly it wasn't my place. But, with everything going on I have to. I'll be honest with you John, I saw the way you looked and acted with Natalie when you were together, and even now the way your acting knowing she could be in danger. I have been married enough times to be able to tell that you were in love with her and still are. I never bought all that crap about you being unable to commit, and her competing with a dead woman." Bo fixed John with a steely gaze. "This leads me to believe you did something stupid, and in the process, managed to screw up the best thing you had in your life. And now, you're trying desperately to protect her and at the same time make it up to her. Well John, you're not going to be able to do that by sitting her and obsessing about what you don't have." Bo paused as he stood up. "Now that being said, I am going to drop this and you won't hear another word about it from me. Do whatever you can to protect my niece and that means not driving yourself crazy to the point you screw up and miss something."

"Okay Bo."

Bo turned and walked toward the door, but stopped and looked over at John once more.

"Oh and John, if Natalie does actually forgive you for whatever you did and take you back and then you screw it up again, I swear I won't stop Pa from going after you like I did last time."

With that, Bo left the office, leaving John with a lot to think about.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

After leaving Llanfair, Natalie nervously made her way her to Asa's. Not only was she going to be seeing everyone after months away, but Clint was here and it had been years since she had seen her father. Even after four years in the Buchanan family, at times Natalie still felt like an outsider. Kevin, Jess and Joey had grown up with these people and been loved unconditionally – something Natalie wasn't sure applied to her.

Natalie had enjoyed being reunited with her mother and was happy to see how relaxed and well her mother looked. Jessica's DID combined with Natalie's sudden departure had at first taken their toll on Vicki. But, now she looked happy and seemed overjoyed to have her daughter back. They had spent dinner catching up, Natalie telling Vicki about her time in Atlantic City, and excitement over going back to school, and Vicki sharing her hope about the romance her and Clint were slowly re-embarking on. Natalie had considered telling her mother about the pictures John had been sent, but decided against it not wanting to ruin what has been a wonderful night. Natalie did however; promise herself that if there were any new developments she would tell Vicki, knowing that it would be better coming from her, rather then Bo or John.

Natalie pulled in to Asa's long winding driveway and sat in the car for a few moments thinking. John. Even thinking about him briefly caused everything to come flooding back. Although she hated herself for it, she wasn't over John. Natalie had spent over a year loving him before they got together and unfortunately those feelings didn't just disappear after what he did.

Natalie sighed.

Thinking about Cristian was still hard. Hundreds of times over the past three months Natalie had opened the leather bound journal and tried to force herself to read it all the way through. But, she never made it past the first page. It brought back too many memories of that night.

Tap. Tap

Natalie was startled from her thoughts by a tapping at her window. Seeing her father's concerned face peering in at her, Natalie smiled. Quickly she unbuckled her seat belt and jumped out of the car.

"Dad!"

Clint pulled his daughter in to a tight hug, happy to have her home. Now that he was back in Llanview, one of his top priorities was becoming closer to Natalie.

"Its great to have you home darlin', what in the world are you doing sitting out there thought? It's starting to snow."

Natalie grinned, still finding herself unable to get over her fathers light Texas accent. "I was just heading inside. It's so great to see you Dad."

Clint smiled and held out his arm to Natalie. "Well we don't want to hold up this reunion. Let's go."

And for the first time since Natalie's wedding, she happily walked hand in hand with her father, grateful to be at home.

Natalie poured herself another glass of eggnog and looked around. The evening was going great, and had surprisingly turned out to also be a welcome home party for her. She really was happy to be surrounded by her family. Once she and Clint had entered the mansion, everyone took turns coming over to hug her and tell her how happy they were she was back. At first it was a little overwhelming, but Natalie got used to it.

In the past hour that she had been there, Natalie had managed to get caught up on all the Llanview happenings. Bo and Nora were officially back together, their previous problems behind them. When Natalie had a minute alone with Bo, he had told her, "There is nothing like almost losing someone to make you realize how much you love them." Natalie was happy for them, even through her and Nora had had their differences, Natalie knew she was a great match for her uncle. Plus, Nora didn't seem to have any hard feelings either, so it seemed that their problems were also a thing of the past. Natalie also got a chance to see her and mother and father together and was excited to see how happy they were. They both deserved it after everything they had been through.

As Natalie took a sip of her eggnog, she tried to push the pang of jealously that hit her. Everyone, except her, was coupled off, happy and in love. As much as she was happy for her family, she couldn't help but think of John and how months ago she had envisioned them here together celebrating the holidays.

"_Don't do this to yourself Nat,"_ she thought to herself as she took another sip. Seeing that Asa was walking toward her, Natalie pushed her thoughts aside and smiled warmly at her Grandfather. "Hey Grandpa, the tree looks amazing."

"It does, doesn't it?" Asa grinned at his granddaughter. "I'm glad you're home Natalie. There is something I want to talk to you about." Asa motioned for her to follow, as he made his way toward his study. Natalie wordlessly did so, wondering what her grandfather wanted. Asa was a wonderful man, who although could be a little scary and unorthodox, always had the best interests of his family in mind. However, Natalie and him had never become close. When he'd first found out she was actually a Buchanan and not just some scam artist, he had tried to shower her with lavish gifts and money, trying to buy her acceptance into the family. But by the time she came around and was ready to be part of the Buchanan's, Asa was up to numerous schemes – including his kidnapping of Blair. Despite all that, Natalie knew her grandfather would always be there for her, as in his eyes, there is nothing more important than family.

Once in the office, Asa closed the door behind them and took a seat across from her. "So, you back for good?" He asked, leaning back in his chair and studying his granddaughter.

Natalie nodded.

Asa smiled. Although he loved all his grandchildren the same, Natalie held a special place in his heart. A small part of it was because she was his biological granddaughter and to Asa the Buchanan blood meant something. That didn't mean he loved Kevin, Joey and Jessica any less, it just made Natalie special. The larger part was because of Natalie's upbringing. Asa knew what it was like to grow up with nothing, and have to learn to depend only on yourself, something which Natalie had obviously learned from a young age. She was tough, feisty and despite a few small judgment errors in the past had a good head on her shoulders. Asa also admired the way she insisted on working for a living and had put all her money away in trust for her children.

"You know, out of all my grandchildren you're the most like me."

Natalie couldn't help but laugh. "Why? Because I'm the only grandchild that's managed to get into the messiest situations that have Uncle Bo ready to strangle me?" she quipped.

Asa grinned. "That too." Asa paused for a moment realizing how proud he was of her. She had come a long way from the scheming brat who had stormed in to Llanfair demanding the Buchanan name and money.

"I have a proposition for you."

Natalie groaned. "Grandpa if this is about B.E, I've told you a thousand times I'm not the business type. I really couldn't care about mergers and kissing clients asses."

"No it's not about B.E, well not exactly. Ever since news of that merger leaked and Jessica's multiple personalities went public, our stocks have been down. Kevin and I decided we needed to do something big, and give back to the community in some way in order to present a kinder softer Buchanan Enterprises." Asa held up a hand to stop Natalie from interrupting. "Now, as I am sure you heard from Vicki or Jess, the Love Center has been falling apart so, Kevin decided, and I agreed, to buy it and run a non-profit organization for troubled teens and young adults. Good, Kevin you're here."

Natalie turned her attention to her older brother who just entered the room. Smiling, he took a seat beside her. "You can finish explaining the details of the center."

Nodding, Kevin started. "It's really great Nat. We're doing a complete overhaul on the building, adding some dormitory style rooms and private offices. We plan on keeping the original Love Center area for the gym and basement, so that it can act as a drop in center for local teens that need small things such as someplace to go, computer access, homework help. And we are doing the additions so it can also accommodate those with larger needs such as food, shelter, medical assistance, and therapy."

Natalie raised an eyebrow. "B.E is doing non-profit work?"

"We're providing the money." Asa said flippantly.

"And you're going to watch the stock soar when the word gets out in a carefully orchestrated PR campaign run by Kelly. What do you need me for?" Natalie asked, not bothering to hold back the grin that was spreading across her face. She understood her Grandfather pretty well.

"We want you to run it."

"Me? I wouldn't have the slightest idea how to do something like that." Her eyes widened in shock.

"Yes you do. You're tough, no one intimidates you. Who looked after Matthew when the whole Coulson thing was going down? Who stood up to Nicki Smith when she was trying to ruin your life? Who committed perjury in order to win back Llanfair? The way I see it there no one else in this family is better suited for the job." Asa stood up and poured himself a glass of Bourbon from the side table. "We're not expecting you to provide medical care, just run the place. Dr. Jamison and Michael McBain will be there a few times a week and some social workers. Kelly will do the fundraising."

"So what exactly would my job be?" Natalie asked, still unsure what Asa was asking her.

"Exactly as I said, you would run the place. You would oversee the hiring and firing of staff."

"Act as someone these teens can talk to outside of their therapy. Help them line up jobs, or homes. Run youth programs, basically whatever you think would work. Natalie, the key to business is delegating. Take the skills you don't have and find someone else to do them, but at the same time take your skills and put them to use." Kevin jumped in, trying to help her understand.

"I have enrolled at L.U for the winter semester. I wanted to finish up my degree."

"I know, your Pa mentioned it to me. We're just starting construction, and won't be ready for opening until July or August. Which means you can get your degree and start work right away." Seeing Natalie's hesitation, Asa moved back toward the door. "Take some time, but not too long. You're not going to get a better offer."

Natalie followed the two of them out of the study, there conversation weighing on her mind.

When they got back in to the living room, the party was starting to break up so Natalie made her way over to Jessica. "You still coming back to my place?" she asked her sister.

Jessica's eyes lit up, "Of course!" she replied.

After they had made their goodbyes and were in Natalie's car, Natalie spoke. "I am dying for a burger. Wanna stop at Rodis?"

"Detective McBain?" The rookie officer shyly poked his head in the office.

"Yeah?" John barked, still going over files from some of his previous cases.

"I have that information you requested, the files on Natalie Vega."

John motioned for the rookie to enter the office. "Thanks Officer…" John looked up at the rookies tag, "Officer Collins. Just leave 'em there."

Officer Collins remained standing there for a few seconds, before gathering up the nerve to speak.

"Uh.. Sir. I took the liberty of also pulling up old police reports and articles from both The Banner and The Sun, on Mrs. Vega. It's all there in the files."

John glanced up sharply at the young officer in front of him. The officer taking this look as one of annoyance quickly began to explain. "Since it's a stalker case I thought it might help to see what other information this person may have at their disposal. Maybe one of the articles has a picture or some information about Mrs. Vega that would have provoked this."

"Thanks Collins. You can go."

Once the officer had left the office and shut the door firmly behind him John pulled at his hair. "The rookies are doing a better job then I am," he thought to himself. Of course, there was nothing in the newspapers articles he didn't already know about Natalie Balsom Buchanan Vega. And there was nothing that was coming to mind from any of it.

Frustrated, John stood up, John grabbed his leather jacket and headed toward the door. He needed to take a break from this. Pulling out his cell phone he dialed.

"Hey Mikey… want to meet me a Rodi's for a beer?"


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve**

John took a sip of his beer and waited for the lecture from his brother. Over burgers and beer, John had filled Michael in on the events of past twenty-four hours starting at the beginning, after strong arming Michael into promising to keep his mouth shut about the stalker.

After Natalie left town, John and Michael didn't speak for days because John went out of his way to avoid his brother. After learning that John had been taking his vacation leave and that no one had heard from him in days, Michael became concerned and paid his brother a visit only to find him drunk and miserable.

_Flashback_

"_Whaddya want?" John slurred standing in front of the door. "Go away, leave just like they all do. I don't need any of you." _

_Michael peered in to the apartment his concern growing. There were empty beer and whisky bottles strewn around the room. Pizza boxes, and take out bags were thrown in a pile and numerous pictures of Natalie were piled on the coffee table, spilling onto the floor. He saw more on the unmade bed. _

_Michael pushed past his brother and entered the apartment. "John, what the hell are you doing to yourself?"_

_John kicked the door closed, almost losing his balance in the process. "Nothing matters. She's gone. Just like dad, and Caitlyn, gone and never coming back." John took another swig from the bottle. "Everything I touch dies." _

_Michael sat down beside his brother and asked the question that had been on his mind for days. "Why did you do it John? Why did you keep that from her?" _

_Between gulps of whiskey John answered, "Because I didn't want to lose her." _

Michael had spent the rest of the night emptying all the alcohol in John's apartment and forced his brother to sober up. John had told Michael everything, how Cristian made him promise to keep his secret and how John knew the brainwashing and torture had turned Cris violent. Although, Michael was able to understand why John felt it was the right thing to do, and hadn't held it against him, he never told John about Natalie's miscarriage. Part of it was his professional obligation, part of it was out of protectiveness for Natalie and his brother.

_End Flashback_

"John you have to give her space." Michael took a sip of his beer.

"That's not possible Mickey with a stalker on the loose."

Michael opened his mouth to say something but stopped when he spied the familiar head of fiery red hair entering the bar.

"What?" John asked, now looking around the room to see what had caused Michaels reaction.

There eyes met across the room, and John watched as Natalie expression hardened. She broke the gaze, turning her head to whisper something to Jessica who had come up behind her.

"I mean it John, space." Michael said loudly, breaking John out of his thoughts. "Yeah, Yeah, I heard you."

Slowly Natalie strode toward them her attention fixed on Michael. "Micheal, its great to see you." She leaned down and planted a kiss on his cheek, her lips lingering there for a few seconds.

John's eyes narrowed jealously and he wanted to wipe that satisfied smirk off his brother's face.

"It's great to have you back Nat. Hey Jess." Michael pretended to be oblivious to John's anger.

"How are things at the hospital?"

"Good. I hear you're going back to L.U? That's great, Natalie."

Her back was still toward him and John was growing angrier by the second. Angry at her, angry at his brother and most of all angry at himself.

"Listen Michael, I am glad I ran into you. Grandpa was just talking to me about the non-profit center B.E is working on, and mentioned you're going to be working there. I was hoping we could meet and talk about it."

"So then you accepted his offer?" Michael smiled.

"Not yet, I'm still thinking it over, but was hoping to get your insight."

"Sure. Call me later this week and we can do lunch. Maybe head to the diner for mustard covered fries," Michael responded, winking at her.

"Bye Michael." Natalie laughed.

"Bye, Michael. Bye, John." Jessica said following her sister up to the bar.

"What the hell was that?" John growled once they were out of ear shot.

"What was what?"

"You were flirting with Natalie."

"I was not." Michael laughed enjoying his brother's anger.

"Call me this week? Mustard fries? And that wink? What the hell was that for?" John took another sip of his beer trying to control himself. "What offer is she talking about?"

"Listen John, Natalie is my friend. I'm not just going to let you pump me for information..." The shrill beep of Michael's pager interrupted them. Glancing down at it he stood up from the table. "I'll be back in a sec."

After Michael disappeared outside to make a call, John got up and walked over to the bar. "Can I talk to you for a second?" He asked, ignoring the dirty look Jessica was shooting him.

Natalie started to refuse but John leaned over and whispered, "Its about the case."

Sighing Natalie turned to Jessica and asked if she could give them a minute alone. Shooting John another dirty look, Jessica turned away muttering something about calling Nash.

"Okay, what?"

"I've been called out of town on a case and will be gone for a few days. If you get any calls or anything sent to you I want you to call me."

"Fine. Are we done?"

Reluctantly John nodded, and watched as she grabbed the take out bag walked away.

"Oh, this is going to work out wonderfully," he thought to himself as he watched Natalie storm away from John and back towards Jessica. Taking a small sip from his Gin and Tonic, he smiled, hoping that she had managed to gain entry to the cottage today and get what he had requested.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Chapter Thirteen **

The next few days passed quickly as Natalie spent most of her time catching up with Jessica, Rex or her parents. She had also met with Michael and went over his ideas for the B.E community center and decided to accept Asa's offer. Natalie had met with Asa, Kevin and Kelly early in the week and made it official. Asa and Kevin were happy to hand the project over to the women and get back to their profit-based companies. Kelly and Natalie had been meeting frequently to bounce suggestions off one another and finalize the plans. It was more fun than Natalie had imagined and she really liked working with Kelly.

Natalie had been so busy working and catching up with her family that she hadn't really thought much about the whole stalker thing. But that all changed on Wednesday night as Natalie went through her mail and saw the red envelope with her name typed across it. There was no postage or return address, it just read "'Natalie Balsom Laurence Buchanan Vega."

Shaken, Natalie immediately dropped the envelope and spent the next few minutes staring at it. There was no reason anyone would use her full name, let alone include the name "Laurence." It was from him.

Grabbing a Ziploc back from one of the drawers, Natalie slipped the envelope in it and grabbed her purse.

She knew what she had to do.

John was reading the information Officer Collins had managed to dig up on Natalie for the umpteenth time. He was still amazed at the things he didn't know about Natalie. Things that hadn't been important to the FBI or Flynn, things she had never told him. He learned how she was suspected of pushing her stepfather out a window thanks to her mother's alter, that she was suspected of arson, that Cristian had saved her from being raped by Mitch Laurence. As he read his admiration for Natalie grew. He was in the middle of the police report taken after she almost had her heart cut out Laurence when he heard the knock on the door.

"Come in," he shouted angry for the interruption, but was surprised when Natalie walked in and without waiting for an invitation sat down.

"I got this in the mail." Natalie passed him the oversized Ziploc bag. "I didn't open it."

"How do you know it's from him?" John asked before glancing down at the envelope.

"It has no postage or return address and look at the way it's addressed.

Opening one of his desk drawers, John rummaged around for some latex gloves. Finding none he stood up. "I'll go get some gloves and we'll open this." Once he was out of the office, Natalie took the opportunity to look around. Noticing the Sun's logo, Natalie grabbed a handful of the printouts shocked at what she saw. Quickly shed thumbed through them, and was filled with shame and rage. "Why the hell was he looking at these?"

When John re-entered the room Natalie fixed him with an angry glare. "What the hell is this?"

"I needed to go over them for the case." John sat down.

"You needed to go over them? Why? This is all in the past John, it's over and done with. There's no need to go over it." Her voice was beginning to rise.

"I just need to get a better handle on your life in Llanview, see if anything sticks out. Anything that may have pissed someone off enough to do this."

Natalie sighed. She hated thinking about the messes she had managed to get herself into, as they made her feel stupid and weak for not knowing any better. Lowering her voice she spoke, "In future, if you need to know something about my past could you just ask me, rather then consulting the paper run by the uncle who tried to kill me? There may be a little bias there."

"Fine." Happy to have prevented another argument, John cleared the papers off his desk and slid the gloves on. Carefully he slipped the envelope out from the bag, and began to open it. Natalie watched as he slid out a standard Christmas card. Opening it up he began to read aloud,

_Natalie, _

_  
"Think of all the fun you've missed  
Think of all the fellas that you haven't kissed  
Next year you could be oh so good"  
_

_Merry Christmas Natalie … _

_Have you been a good girl this year? _

_I don't think so, or else you would have told Johnny your little secret._

John's brow furrowed at the last part. "Secret? What secret?"

Natalie tried desperately to hide her shock by telling herself_ that there was _ no way this guy knew about that With a surprisingly steady voice she replied, "I have no idea."

John felt around in the envelope and pulled out a picture. Placing it on the desk they studied it. It was from the other night when they had run into each other at Rodis, when John had told her about going out of town.

"How could he have taken a picture without us knowing?"

"It's actually not that hard now that cell phones and MP3 players have cameras built right in them. Rodi's was crowded that night, all he would have had to do was hold up his cell phone like he was checking the time and press the button." John explained angrily, angry that Bo may have been right – he was going to miss something because he was too involved. "Do you remember anyone suspicious? Anyone who was staring at us, you were facing them."

"No."

"Neither do I." John slammed the photo onto the desk.

"This is sick. Why the hell would someone do this?" Natalie took a deep breath, as much as she was trying to hide it, she was shaken up by this.

John turned his attention back to the police reports and newspaper printouts. Gesturing toward him he carefully chose his words. "You've run in to a few messy situations since moving here – is there anyone you could think of that may have held a grudge?" The question had to be asked. Noticing Natalie's angry glare he held up his hands in defense. "Hey, I can just keep reading these." He said it lightly but Natalie's icy expression made if clear she didn't take it that way.

Without warning Natalie reached over and grabbed the stack of articles and began to whip through them. "Jen Rappaport, dead. Ben Davidson, dead. Mitch Laurence, dead. Flynn Laurence, dead. Seth Anderson, gone. Stephen Haver, dead. Paul Cramer, dead. Hayes Barber, dead." Throwing them back down on the desk she looked back up at him. "Does that help?"

"Natalie -"

"No John, don't Natalie me. All of this is over with."

"What about Seth?"

Natalie glanced at him confused, beginning to play with a piece of string hanging from her shirt she spoke softly. "What about him?"

"Would he do something like this?"

"No."

"How can you be so sure?" She answered too quickly, and John could sense this was a touchy topic for her.

"Because Seth is a scam artist, not a stalker." Natalie paused. "As I said before, how do we even know this about me?"

"These were sent to you."

"So? The original pictures were sent to you and obviously he knew you'd see this card or else he, or she, wouldn't have put in some cryptic bullshit about some secret." Natalie leaned back in her chair. "The way I see it this could all be about you. Hayes targeted Evangeline and I because of our relationships with you and Haver targeted me and killed Caitlyn for the same reason." Once the words were out of her mouth she instantly regretted them.

"That's true." John's voice was quiet and laced with pain.

"I'm sorry, John. I shouldn't have…"

"No. You're right. You, Evangeline and Caitlyn were targeted because of me. But we can't assume that this time isn't about you. That there isn't something in your past that could lead us to whoever is threatening you. And it might be Seth."

Natalie stood up and glared down at him. "I'm telling you that it's not Seth and every other person in my past is dead! Including my husband who you didn't have the…the decency to tell me about so I could give him a proper burial. All while you enjoyed me in your bed and told me you loved me."

"I meant it when I said I loved you," John said quietly

Natalie laughed bitterly. "If you'd really loved me, you would've had enough faith in us to tell me the truth. Then I wouldn't have had to found out by a fucking box full of my husbands things." Natalie could feel herself getting worked up even though she knew it was to damned late for a scene. Or maybe it was just overdue.

"Nothing has changed John. Nothing. I still hate you and I will never forgive you for you did. You can rot in hell for all I care. I will come to you if I get contacted again and if we need to discuss anything pertaining to this case, but that's it. Once this sicko is locked up, stay the hell away from me." Without even waiting for him to respond Natalie strode out of the office, not letting her tears fall freely until she was out of the building.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Chapter Fourteen **

The next few weeks flew quickly and without any more contact from the stalker. Natalie easily resettled back in to life in Llanview and her family. She hadn't seen John since their fight at the police station, he was staying away from her like she had asked. She was relieved not to have to suffer through awkward encounters which brought up all the painful memories, because she couldn't bear to relive them.

Immediately after returning home that day, Natalie had called Rex and Michael telling them both about the most recent note and demanding to know if either of them had told anyone about the miscarriage. They had both assured her they hadn't and Rex pointed out it could just be come tactic to distract John. As much as Natalie wanted to believe that part of her had an awful feeling there was more to it then just a tactic.

It was now December 20th, and only a few shopping days remained before Christmas. Natalie knew her and Starr needed to get a move on it if they wanted to avoid the massive crowds at the mall. Opening her jewelry box she grabbed her watch. As she was closing the lid, an empty space caught her eye.

Her wedding rings were gone.

Quickly, Natalie opened up all the compartments in the box, and was checking the area on her dresser when Starr appeared.

"Natalie, we should get going." Starr whined, annoyed it had was taking her cousin so long to get ready.

"Starr, have you seen my wedding rings?" Natalie asked distractedly as continued to search.

"No."

"What about the other day when you were borrowing that necklace?"

Concentrating, Starr thought back to that day and shook her head. "No, they weren't there. When was the last time you saw them?" she asked trying to be helpful.

Natalie tried to remember. "A few weeks ago, when I first moved in. I thought I put them in here."

"Everything always turns up when you're not looking. They're probably in one of the boxes you haven't unpacked or at Aunt Vicki's. I'm sure you'll find them, but can we please go?"

Natalie nodded, still distracted. Closing her jewelry box she grabbed her purse and jacket and ushered her cousin out of the room.

Natalie spent the entire shopping trip with Starr mentally retracing her steps since moving back into the cottage. The last time she remembered seeing them was weeks ago when she first arrived back in Llanview and had set her jewelry box up on her vanity.

"Natalie… Natalie..." Starr's voice interrupted her thoughts. Turning her attention on to her cousin, Natalie forced a smile. "Yeah?"

"You weren't listening to a word I said," Starr said angrily as they left the bookstore they had been in.

"I'm sorry Starr; I'm just worried about those rings."

"I'm sure you'll find them."

"Find what?" John asked coming up behind them.

"What are you doing here?" Natalie's eyes narrowed.

John held up the shopping bags he held. "Christmas shopping. I was just coming out of that store when I overheard Starr. What are you missing?"

When Natalie didn't answer his question, Starr took it upon herself too ignoring the look Natalie shot her. "Her wedding rings. She thought they were in her jewelry box, but they aren't."

John looked back at Natalie, the detective in him assuming the worst "Is this true?"

"It's no big deal, they'll turn up." Shifting her shopping bags to the other hand, Natalie put a hand on Starr's shoulder. "Come on Starr, I still have a millions things to buy." The two of them walked off together, neither of them playing attention to John. That didn't bother him, but the missing rings did. Natalie didn't lose things, especially not things that were important to her, he knew she wouldn't have just misplaced them. John hoped he was wrong because if his suspicions were right it meant that not only did those rings fall in to the wrong hands, but that someone had access to the cottage. As he was walking back to the parking lot, he made a mental note to call Natalie in a few days and see if they had turned up. In the meantime, he would have some extra patrols past the cottage and check into her security system.

He followed her cautiously, leaving a large space between them as he wasn't concerned about losing track of her since he knew where she lived. He had been watching her from a distance for days and knew that she lived alone without a boyfriend that could possibly show up and ruin things. He smiled to himself, remembering how easy it had been to swipe the key from Roxanne once she was drunk enough.

Despite the distance between them, he could see clearly the bright red hair that peeked out from under her woolen hat. Although up close the hair color wasn't a perfect match, from afar it did the job nicely. Her eyes however, were all wrong, but he kept telling himself it wouldn't matter once he was finished with her.

Fingering the gold rings in his pocket, he licked his lips in anticipation. Tonight was the night.

"I think we made out pretty well don't you?" Natalie asked Starr as the rode the elevator up to the Manning penthouse.

"Do you really think Aunt Vicki will like the picture frame I got her? It's really flowery."

"Have you seen Llanfair?" Natalie laughed.

The cousins exchanged matching grins. "Thanks for letting me pick my own Christmas gift Natalie. I promise to act surprised when I open the outfit."

Natalie laughed and gathered up some of Starr's bags as the elevator doors opened. Before Starr even had a chance to dig through her purse Blair opened the door.

"I thought I heard you two laughing." Blair smiled, happy to see her daughter smiling again. Since they had found out Ginger was Margaret's niece, Starr had been miserable. But now that Natalie was back and spending time with her cousin Starr's mood had improved.

"Wow, you bought a lot." Blair exclaimed helping Natalie with some of the bags. Natalie laughed. "I think your daughter takes after her Aunt Dorian."

After both women helped Starr carry her purchases to her room, Blair pulled Natalie into the master bedroom. "I'm glad you're here Natalie, I just got the bridesmaid dresses back and wanted you to try yours on."

Blair and Todd had decided that they were going to attempt another wedding this New Years Eve and had planned an event bigger and more extravagant then all their previous weddings put together. Starr was the maid-of-honor, with Kelly, Adrianna, Jessica and Natalie as bridesmaids.

Smiling, Natalie excitedly took the long black dress Blair handed to her, unaware of the horror occurring across town. As Natalie gently slipped the silky fabric over her body, He was roughly forcing the wedding rings on to the woman's motionless hand.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Chapter Fifteen**

Beep… Beep… Beep…

John groaned as the shrill sound of the alarm clock filled the room. After laying there for a few minutes he finally rolled out of bed, knowing he had to be quick if he wanted to get to the station by 7:00.

After taking a quick shower and dressing in his trademark black, John grabbed his jacket and keys ready to leave, but stopped when he noticed the folded piece of paper that had been pushed under his door. Assuming it was another note about the rent going up; John carelessly reached down and opened it, unprepared for what it read.

_**Merry Christmas Lieutenant, **_

**_I know it's a few days early, but I left your present in room 314. I hope it's one of your most memorable gifts yet. _**

_**Enjoy, **_

Overcome with terror, John felt as if his heart had stopped. Whipping out his cell phone he dialed furiously, praying that she would answer.

Ring… Ring… Ring…

With each additional ring John found himself losing it.

Ring… Ring…

"Hello?" Natalie's sleepy voice finally rang out.

"Natalie?"

"Yeah… John, is that you?"

John let out the breath he was holding, his heart still racing.

"John? It's 6:45 in the morning. Why the hell are you calling me at 6:45 in the morning?"

Ignoring her tone John cut her off. "Natalie you need to listen to me, I want you to stay at the cottage until you hear from me okay?"

"Excuse me? You call me at 6am to tell me what I can and can not do? Where the hell do you get off…"

"Just do it." John yelled in to the phone before he hung up on her and called the police station requesting back-up.

After making sure his gun was fully loaded, John slowly made his way down to room 314 and knocked loudly. After knocking a few times without an answer, John drew his gun and using only two fingers, tried the door.

It was open.

Slowly, he inched the door open with his foot, keeping both hands on the gun. "Hello?" he called once again. Once the door was fully open John's drew in a sharp breath, thankful he had managed to get in touch with Natalie before witnessing the horrible sight in front of him.

She was laying face-down on the sofa, her red hair fanned out around her. From where John was standing both the length and cut of her hair appeared to match Natalie's. As John replaced his gun and inched forward, he realized that the black silk robe the woman was wearing was identical to the one he had given Natalie when they were together.

John took a few deep breaths trying to calm down before the backup arrived. This woman looked so much like Natalie it was unsettling. Whoever was doing this was obviously dangerous and trying to make a point. Knowing he had to call Natalie and fill her in, John started to turn around, but stopped as he noticed something sparkling from the woman's left hand.

It was Natalie's rings.

John felt the rage boiling inside of him as he confirmed that the son of a bitch had access to her house.

Hearing the arrival of the other LPD officers, John went out into the hallway to meet them.

Natalie was just starting to fall back asleep when her phone rang again. Glancing at the clock she saw it was now 7:08.

Groaning, she picked up the phone ready to give John a piece of her mind. "What the…"

She was cut off by John. "I have sent Officer Collins over there to escort you to the police station. He should be there any minute."

Natalie sat up, pulling the covers around her. "What? Why? What's going on John?"

"Not now. I'll meet you at the station as soon as I can."

"I am not going anywhere until I get some answers, McBain."

"Natalie for once could you just shut up and stop arguing with me. If you're not downstairs when Officer Collins gets there, I'm giving him permission to arrest you and put you into a holding cell until I get there." Without letting her respond, John hung up on her for the second time today.

Furious, Natalie stormed across the room and quickly pulled on a pair of faded blue jeans, and an oversized L.U sweater. Just as she finished pulling her hair up in a pony tail she heard the loud knock coming from downstairs.

Grabbing her purse and went down to meet Officer Collins.

It wasn't until nearly noon that John managed to get back to the station. Much to John's shock, the victim had been ID'd as Ginger Foley, Margaret Cochran's niece. They had found no evidence of forced entry and the cause of death had been ruled strangulation. The CSI team was still there, but so far they had nothing. Whoever had done this, knew what they were doing. He hadn't told any of the other officers about the note he received because Bo believed it was best for now to keep the stalking thing under wraps. As much as they trusted the guys on the force, both John and Bo didn't want to take the chance that the papers got a hold of the stalking case.

As John opened the door to his office he was surprised to find Natalie sitting at his desk using the phone. He had assumed she would be furious at having been left in the dark and had prepared himself for a fight.

"Does January 7th work for you?" Natalie jotted down notes, oblivious to John's entry. "Good. Let's meet at the Palace hotel around noon. I am also going to ask Dr. Michael McBain to attend the meeting just so you can get a feel for what he will be handling."

John cleared his throat, wanting to catch her attention. She glanced up, seeming surprised to see him.

"Sorry Anna but I have to deal with another matter. If something comes up between now and our meeting, just give me a call, but if not, have a wonderful Christmas. Thanks Anna."

Natalie hung up his desk phone and stood up so John could sit at the desk. She moved to one of the other chairs and sat down, folding her arms across her chest. "Well?"

"What was that all about?" John asked, the mention of his brother's name having made him curious.

Frustrated, Natalie ignored the question. "Could you please tell me what the hell is going on? I have been here for five hours John, and no one is telling me anything. You're treating me like a goddamn child and I don't like it."

"Then stop acting like one." The stress of the morning was taking a toll on John and he was close to his breaking point. "Can't you just leave things alone and trust that I have your best interests at heart?"

Natalie opened her mouth to speak, but John cut her off not in the mood for another fight. "I know you hate me and can't stand to be in the same room with me, but this is serious."

Natalie leaned back in her chair, noticing how tired and stressed John looked. "What happened?"

John took a deep breath unsure where to start. "This was pushed under my door this morning," John pushed a copy of the note across the desk. Natalie picked it up and stared at if for a few minutes. "314 was the room I shared with Paul." John nodded, that detail had also crossed his mind.

"That's why you called me. You wanted to make sure I was okay?" she asked, calmer now.

"Yeah," John said softly, remembering his panic early this morning. "This is what I saw," John handed Natalie one of the crime scene photos just so she would understand how serious this was now.

Natalie gasped in shock as she saw the sight John had been subjected too. "It… It looks just like me…" Natalie said horrified. "Why would someone do this?" She looked up at him, her hands trembling as she held the photo.

John ran his fingers roughly through his hair, "I don't know Natalie. The fact that this guy wanted me to see this and believe it was you, which makes it seem like this is about me, but..." John paused.

"But?" she asked, sensing there was something else he wasn't telling her.

"But the black robe she is wearing is yours."

"He… he was in my house?" she asked, her eyes wide with terror. Suddenly something clicked and she looked down at the photo again. "Oh God, not my rings?"

"Yeah."

"That ring was a symbol of my marriage, my love for Cristian, and it was used as part of a sick twisted game." She angrily wiped at the tears that had begun to form in the corners of her eyes.

"I know, and that's what makes me think it's not just about me. Those rings made it clear there is something else going on here. Something about you. Maybe Cris."

"But what? Who would target both of us?"

"I don't know, but I think it's best if you stay at Llanfair for the holidays. I'm going to send some officers over to see if they can find anything at the Cottage - fingerprints, fibers, hair. You also need to have your locks changed. Your alarm codes changed."

Natalie nodded numbly. Seeing how upset she looked John stood up. "Come on, I'll drive you to the cottage so you can get some things together."

Too worn out to argue, Natalie wordlessly followed.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Chapter Sixteen**

As Natalie packed a suitcase to take to Llanfair, and gathered up all her Christmas shopping, John checked all the windows and doors to see if they had been tampered with. By the time John made it to the master bedroom, Natalie was nearly finished.

"Nothing seems to have been tampered with." He told her hesitating in the doorway. "I am going to need to know who has keys."

Natalie stopped packing and sat on the edge of her bed. "When I first moved in I gave copies to Mom, Jess and Rex. Then Roxy and your mom moved in, so they would have keys." Natalie paused, her eyes widening. "John the whole love crew team lived here, any one of them could have held on to their copy."

John looked at her in disbelief. "You never had the locks changed after that?"

"There was no need to, Marcie and her family moved in right after that."

"That means pretty much anyone could have had access to a key?" John shook his head frustrated. "Okay, who has been in the cottage lately? Any deliverymen? Door-to-door salespeople?"

Natalie shrugged her shoulders. "Not since I've been home. Rex and my mom had the entire place redone. You would have to ask them which painters they used and what store the furniture was delivered from."

John pulled out a notebook and made a few notes even though he knew none of the information would lead him anywhere. With all those keys floating around it would be next to impossible to track them down, especially since 5 of the people had either left town or been murdered.

"All right, I am done," Natalie said gathering up her luggage.

John entered the room and began to help her but stopped when he saw a black leather journal peaking out from under the bed. Stopping, he bent down to pick it up wanting to make sure it was hers and not another message from the stalker.

"Natalie is this yours?"

Natalie looked at him in horror. "Don't touch that," she yelled grabbing the journal from his hands and holding it to her chest. "You have no right to even hold it."

John stood up and tried to apologize but Natalie wouldn't listen. Continuing to hold the journal protectively she picked up her bags and left the room, leaving a confused John in her wake.

Neither of them said anything the entire ride, both having too much on their minds. It wasn't until they had pulled into Llanfair's driveway and Natalie was getting out of the car that John spoke softly.

"I never meant to hurt you."

Natalie was silent for a few seconds. "You completely destroyed me John. For the first time in a long time I was truly happy and all that was shattered." She didn't look at him.

John remained silent, knowing there was nothing he could say that would make it better.

Sighing, Natalie got back into the car and shut the door. "But as much as I want to hate you John, I can't, especially not with everything that's going on." Natalie turned to face him. "As much as it terrifies me to admit it, this is pretty serious. We are going to need to be able to work together if you have any chance of catching this guy."

"Which means?"

"It means that despite what happened you have my full cooperation. Just as long as you let me know what's going on."

"So where does this leave us?"

"I don't know John. To be honest, I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive you for what happened. But I won't let it get in the way of this case. Of your job."

"Will you at least let me explain what happened?

Shaking her head Natalie began to get out of the car. "No. That chapter in our lives is over." Shutting the door, Natalie walked up the pathway to Llanfair trying not to cry.

She had said so herself, that chapter was closed, but instead of feeling like a weight had been lifted of her shoulders she felt heartbroken.

"Natalie! I was hoping you would drop by today." As Vicki went over to embrace her daughter she noticed the tears streaming down her cheeks. "Darling? What's wrong?"

Seeing her mother's concerned face, Natalie broke down and began to sob uncontrollably.

Worried, Vicki ushered Natalie into the living room and shut the doors to ensure privacy. Vicki took a seat beside Natalie, and wrapped her arms around her, holding her as she cried. Overwhelmed by this, everything came pouring out.

Through her sobs, Natalie gave her mother the short version about the pregnancy, how she had found out about Cristian, the fight with John, her miscarriage, and finally about the stalker and the murder that had taken place at the hotel.

Through it all, Vicki stayed surprisingly calm and continuing to stroke Natalie's hair without saying a word.

Once everything was out Natalie began to calm down, feeling like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Even though she had been haunted by the memories of that night for months, Natalie had never allowed herself to break down or grieve over her loss. As usual, she had bottled up all that pain, never confronting it.

Pulling away from her mother, Natalie began to wipe away her tears and waited for Vicki to say something. Vicki remained silent for a few moments, still trying to digest everything. For once in her life, she was at a loss for words.

"You are moving back in to Llanfair." Vicki said firmly, after a few minutes of silence.

"Mom…"

"I mean it Natalie. You are staying here until this over."

Surprised at her mother's forceful tone, Natalie nodded in agreement. She had grown up without any real parental figure and still found herself surprised when Vicki used the "this is not up for discussion" tone.

Vicki stood up and started pacing the room, her earlier calmness begging to fade. "I don't understand who could do something like this." Turning away from Natalie, Vicki blinked away tears knowing she needed to stay strong for her daughter. "Natalie, promise me you will be careful. No running off to try and find this guy, no scheming with Rex. Promise me you are going to let Bo and John handle this."

"I promise." Natalie said softly, and for once she actually meant it. Even though she wouldn't admit it, Natalie was scared. He not only managed to get close enough to her to take pictures, but had also gotten into her home undetected. Natalie knew that whoever was doing this meant business and obviously knew what they were doing.

Vicki smiled weakly at her daughter and sat back down. As much as she was worried about this stalker mess, Vicki knew that it was the situation with John that needed to be dealt with. "Darling, why didn't you come to me sooner? No one should have to go through all that alone."

"Rex was there."

"I wish you had come to me."

"I know I should have, but I couldn't. I just wanted to run away and hide from everything and everyone. I'm sorry." Natalie looked down at her hands, ashamed to meet her mother's eyes.

Reaching across the ottoman, Vicki took Natalie's hand and squeezed it. "You're here now and that's all that matters. Now, about what happened with John…"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Darling, you have every right to be hurt and upset with John, but have you actually talked to him about what happened?"

Natalie shook her head. "There's no reason to. I will cooperate with him on this stalker case, but after that is over will go back to avoiding him."

"But will you be able to do that? After everything you two have been through, all those years of friendship."

"John and I were never friends," Natalie said softly. "I was either hating him or in love with him. Never was it just platonic." Natalie paused trying to force the memories away. "I'm not going to continue to be angry or spiteful toward him, but I don't think I will ever be able to trust him again. Not after what he did."

"Natalie, John has always gone above the call of duty to protect you. In the past he has proven himself to be a very honorable man. I really think you need to give him a chance to explain."

Just as Natalie was once again going to disagree, Jessica's voice called out, "Mom?" Seeing this as a way out of the conversation, Natalie smiled at Vicki. "Thanks for everything mom, but I am going to go unpack my stuff." Standing up, Natalie quickly kissed Vicki's cheek, and opened the doors. "Hey Jess, Mom's in here."

Jessica smiled warmly at her sister. "Hey Natalie, what are you doing here?"

"I am going to be staying here for awhile," Natalie said pointing at her luggage. "You know, spend the holidays with my family."

"That's wonderful isn't it, Mom?" Jessica asked her face lighting up. Vicki nodded, understanding that Natalie wanted the stalker thing kept under wraps. "It certainly is."

After talking to Jessica for a few minutes, Natalie excused herself saying that she needed to go unpack. Once she was upstairs and in her old room, Natalie flopped down on the bed the conversation with her mother weighing on her mind. In the past, whenever Natalie had had a problem and gone to Vicki, her advice had been prefect. However, this time she wasn't so sure.

Getting up off the bed, Natalie walked back over to her bags and gently picked up Cristian's journal. Going back over to the bed, she sat holding it, debating on whether or not to force herself to read it. As much as she wanted to, part of her was scared. This was all she had left of her husband, and Natalie wasn't sure if she was ready to face whatever was in it.

Taking a deep breath, Natalie began to open the book but was interrupted by a knock at the door. Natalie quickly stuffed the book into the drawer beside the bed and called out, "come in."

Jessica's head poked in. "Mom and I are going to bake Christmas cookies. You want to come and help?"

Natalie was about to decline, but seeing the childlike excitement on her sister's face, she changed her mind. "Sure, Jess." For now, the past would have to wait.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Chapter Seventeen**

Nothing. It was the day after the murder and John still had no leads. The CSI team hadn't found any fibers, prints or DNA in the hotel room besides Ginger's, and had also been unsuccessful when examining the cottage. This lead John to believe this guy wasn't just dangerous, but also a professional.

John had spent the morning going through the crime scene reports and faxing everything pertaining to the case over to Daniel Griggs, an old friend at the FBI who was a profiler. John was just about to start looking into who still had keys to the cottage when his phone rang.

"McBain," he barked into the phone, angry at the interruption.

"John, its Rob Smythe, Natalie's friend from Atlantic City."

"Sorry. Hi Rob, what can I do for you?" John asked, puzzled why Natalie's friend was calling.

"Something happened early yesterday morning that I thought you should be aware of. Someone broke into my house. Nothing of value was taken, and everything was mostly untouched, except for some personal stuff."

This got John's attention. "Personal stuff?" he asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Yes." Rob confirmed. "There are a few boxes in the basement which are full of old photos and home videos from my childhood. The police had asked me to go through the house and take an inventory of what had been taken. All of these boxes had been opened, and, every single picture of Natalie has been taken, along with the tapes."

John quickly pulled up the report from the coroner. "What time did this happen?" he asked, a sinking feeling coming over him.

"I left around 9:00pm and got back shortly after 1:00am."

John glanced back down at the report, his suspicions confirmed. After getting the name and number of the officer who had responded to the break in, John hung up. Once again he read the report.

"Based on the body temperature, time of death occurred between 11:00-11:45pm."

Natalie knocked softly on John's office door before opening it. "Sorry it took me so long, the roads are a mess." Natalie pulled off her coat and shook the snow out of it before taking a seat. "What happened?" she asked easily picking up on his frustration.

"I got a call from Rob."

"Rob?" Natalie repeated. "My Rob?"

"Early yesterday morning someone broke into his house." John said, pushing aside the pang of jealously he felt. "The only things taken were old pictures and videos of you."

"But you said Ginger was killed late Tuesday night or early Wednesday morning. The drive from A.C to Llanview is at least three hours."

John opened the M.E's report. "Time of death was roughly between 11:00 and 11:45."

"So someone is working with him?" Natalie asked, trying to mask her fear.

Putting the file down, John rubbed at his eyes. "It looks that way. I just don't get this. Why would they break in to Rob's just to get old pictures? That's a hell of a long way to drive."

"Because those are probably the only pictures of me around," Natalie answered her voice soft and laced with pain. "Roxy never owned a camera, not that there were any events for her to capture. Rob's mom on the other hand was crazy about documenting his childhood and was always taking pictures of birthday parties and class performances." Sighing, Natalie shook her head. "Those pictures are the only evidence that show Natalie Balsom ever existed."

John wished he could go over to her and pull her into his arms. Natalie hardly opened up about her past, but on the rare occasions that she did, John couldn't help but be amazed at the woman she had become. "We're going to catch this guy Natalie. I faxed over the file to a buddy of mine at the FBI. Hopefully he should be able to form a profile and get it back to me."

"I just don't get it, why would he take those pictures?" Natalie flashed back one of her criminology courses she had taken at L.U. "If this guy is stalking me why would he go after pictures of me as a kid? I have a whole box full of recent pictures like my wedding, my welcome home party, and other various family events. Isn't that what stalkers typically take?"

John nodded. "Yeah, plus stalkers typically work alone. Plus, this is getting really personal, first the rings, now the photos. I know I have already asked you this, but think – is there anyone at all that would want to do this? Someone you have had a run in with?"

Closing her eyes, Natalie thought about it. "Honestly John, the only people that come to mind are Evangeline and Layla."

"I already checked into that."

"Are you serious?" Natalie asked unable to believe the thought had crossed his mind.

John nodded. "Evangeline was always jealous of you because it was obvious that I cared more about you than her, especially after I saved you first. She may have seemed all fine with us getting together, but she wasn't. She kept showing up at the station with excuses of a case we had in common and even after you left town pretty much threw herself at me."

Natalie bit back a smile, secretly loving the humiliation Evangeline must have felt. "Did you find anything?"

"No. Evangeline and Antonio are still living in New York and she was just hired at some big shot law firm, plus her alibis check out. Same with Layla who's back in L.A and working at some strip club."

This time Natalie couldn't help but grin, happy to have her mind taken off the case for a few minutes. But her smile soon disappeared as she thought more about the case. "Other then that John, there's no one else. As I said before, everyone else is dead."

"Now that we know there are two of them you need to be extra careful. That means no going anywhere alone and avoiding deserted places like Angel Square."

"All right." Standing up, Natalie began to put her coat on. "I have to get home, Mom's going to worry." Natalie began to head out the door. "Thanks for filling me in John," she said sincerely before exiting the office.

In the warmth and comfort of his rental car he watched as she left the police station and walked through the snow toward her car. He had known she would come here. He grinned as he thought about his plan, so far everything was working out well.

It was pitiful how predictable Natalie and John were. He knew once he got John's attention with those photos, John would stop at nothing to protect Natalie. And then the body! Oh, how he wished he could have seen the look on the Lieutenant's face when he had first walked in and seen her red hair sprawled out around her.

Oh how he hated John McBain, but he took comfort in knowing it wouldn't take much more before he could move into the next phase of his plan.

It was quite simple. All he had to do was send her a few more notes and she would be back in John's arms. Then once all was forgotten between John and Natalie, he would make sure John found out about Natalie's little secret.

And John, John was so predicable he would blame himself and push himself far away from Natalie. John never dealt well with the whole self-hatred thing and always turned to Whiskey. This would give him his opportunity to reclaim what was rightfully his – Natalie.

And, it also left John alone to deal with even more guilt – enough to finally destroy him.

'_Oh yes,'_ he smiled as he backed out of the parking lot and back toward the house he was renting._ 'Everything was working out perfectly.' _


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Chapter Eighteen **

"I don't think there is any more room under this thing." Natalie grumbled to Jessica as they tried to fit their gifts under Llanfair's Christmas tree.

Jessica laughed. "It's mom's fault you know, she invites everyone to come celebrate Christmas here." Jessica passed Natalie another wrapped present. "Rex and Roxy are coming right?"

Natalie nodded as she took the gift from her sister's hand. "Next year I am suggesting we do a Secret Santa, this is just ridiculous."

"Well that was the last one." Jessica said getting up from the floor and brushing herself off. "I still can't believe it's already Christmas Eve. So much has happened this past year."

"Yeah," Natalie replied as she started to get up from the floor, but stopped when something caught her eye. Laughing, Natalie reached under the tree and grabbed one of the largest fruitcakes she'd ever seen.

"What are you laughing at?"

Natalie shook her head still smiling. "Nothing."

"Lieutenant?" The police department receptionist called out as she knocked on the office door.

"Yeah?"

"This was just dropped off for you sir," she said as she handed him a large bag.

"Thanks Shelia," John said as he took the bag from her. Once the receptionist had left the office, John carefully examined the bag, worrying that it could be from the stalker, until he noticed the familiar writing on the envelope.

Smiling slightly, John opened the card and began to read,

_John_

_Try not to let this case ruin your Christmas, _

_Natalie_

After putting down the card, John reached into the bag and laughed as he pulled out a large fruitcake his mind flashing back to his first Christmas in Llanview.

_John: Ho, ho, ho. _

_Natalie: What are you, Santa Claus? _

_John: Yeah, I'm Santa Claus, and I bought you a present. _

_Natalie: Fruitcake. Gee, just what I always wanted. _

_John: Yeah? You always wanted fruitcake? Good because I brought you a whole bunch. _

_Natalie: Where in the world did you get all of those? _

_John: Down at the station. Every cop gets at least three he doesn't really want. I don't know. All this time, I thought there was just this one fruitcake in the world that everybody was passing around. _

Still smiling John grabbed his coat and stood up. Pulling out his cell phone he began to dial.

"Hey Mikey, what are you doing for Christmas Eve?"

_O' Holy night, the stars are brightly shining  
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth  
_

Natalie smiled as she watched the entire Buchanan family gathered together celebrating the holidays. This is what Christmas was all about. Despite all the hard times this year had brought her for a little while Natalie felt at peace. In that instant she wasn't thinking about John and Cristian, or worrying about the stalker, she was just thankful for what she did have – a loving family.

_Long lay the world  
In sin and error pining  
_

Hearing the low ring of her cell phone, Jessica went over and picked up her purse, worrying it could be the Banner with some emergency. Motioning to Nash she would be back in a second Jessica made her way out to the foyer and dug through the mess. Pulling out her small, silver phone, Jessica flipped it opened and caught it just in time.

"Hello?"

_'Til He appeared and the soul felt His worth_

Mitch Lawrence smiled to himself as he heard his daughter's voice. Leaning over he held the phone up to the tape recorder and began to play the tune he had recorded just for her. Once it finished playing, Mitch leaned back in his chair and brought the phone back to his ear.

"Michelle, is it safe?"

_The thrill of hope,  
The weary world rejoices  
For yonder brings a new and glorious morn  
_

Suddenly Jessica snapped to attention and began to walk toward the quiet of the Kitchen. Quickly, her eyes never wavering she answered, "Yes father?"

_Fall on your knees  
Oh, hear the angel's voices  
O' night divine  
O' night when Christ was born  
O' night divine  
O' night,  
O' night divine  
_

Mitch smiled to himself. "Phase two needs to be put into effect. Make sure you get those things I asked of you tonight when Jessica is asleep. Is this understood Michelle?"

_O' Holy night, the stars are brightly shining  
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth  
Oh...  
_

Jessica mechanically nodded. "I understand. I am to get those things from Natalie when Jessica is asleep."

_Long lay the world  
In sin and error pining  
'Til He appeared and the soul felt His worth_

Leaning back over, Mitch began to play the same recoding until it finished. As he brought the phone back to his ears, he heard the click on the other end.

_The thrill of hope,  
The weary world rejoices  
For yonder brings a new and glorious morn  
_

Hearing the click, Jessica snapped out of it and closed her phone. Smiling to herself at how quickly the staff the Banner freaked out about small matters, Jessica let herself back into the living room and rejoined her family. Noticing her sister was all alone Jessica crossed the room and joined her.

_Fall on your knees  
Oh, hear the angel's voices  
_

Mitch smiled to himself as he took a sip of Brandy. Everything was working out perfectly. The brain washing he had done on Jessica during his last time in Llanview was working perfectly, and no one was the wiser. Looking across the room at the framed photo of Natalie, Mitch grinned to himself, knowing that she would soon be his.

_O' night divine  
O' night when Christ was born  
O' night divine  
O' night,  
O' night di...divine_


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**Chapter Nineteen**

Another Christmas in Llanview came and went, and New Years Eve quickly began approaching. Everyone in the small town was busy talking about Blair and Todd's upcoming wedding, as some secretly hoped it would be as eventful as their others. To Natalie, the time just flew by as she was busy with re-enrolling at L.U, attending meetings for the community center, as well as running last minute errands for Blair. In fact, Natalie had found herself worrying less about the stalker as she was too caught up in everything to stop and think about it.

But, that all stopped on the morning of New Years Eve, when John showed up at Llanfair.

"Come on in," Natalie said, opening the door wider and moving to the side so he could pass her. "I'm just getting ready for the wedding," Natalie said motioning to sweatpants and t-shirt she wore, and then to her hair which had been pulled back in an elegant twist.

John nodded. "That's why I am here. I need to talk to you about the wedding."

"Okay," Natalie motioned toward the living room. "Jess and Mom are at the Palace helping Blair. We can sit in here."

John followed Natalie into the spacious living room and took a seat, not even bothering to try and get comfortable. "I don't think you should attend the wedding," John said bluntly as Natalie took a seat.

"What?" Natalie looked across at him in confusion. "John I am one of the bridesmaids, I have to attend."

John wordlessly reached into his pocket and handed her a note.

Carefully, Natalie unfolded it to reveal a copy of a hand written note.

_Lieutenant McBain, _

_Don't you enjoy the celebration of New Years Eve? I do – think about it, it is one special day to reflect on your hopes and dreams for the coming year. Have you thought about yours? I have a feeling that ours are of a similar nature – possibly involving a beautiful red head? _

_Well, whatever yours are, I am fully aware of mine and intend to make them come true. New Years Eve is always a wonderful night for new beginnings. _

_I do hope you had a wonderful Christmas, because I have a feeling the New Year will bring you nothing but sorrow. _

Natalie remained silent, just staring motionless at the letter she held in her hands. After a few seconds she snapped out of it and handed the letter back to him.

"I am going to the wedding," she said firmly.

"Natalie…"

She held up a hand to stop him. "John, I am not going to run my life around this guy anymore. I am going the wedding."

John took a deep breath, trying not to get angry. Sometimes Natalie's stubbornness could be infuriating. "Fine, but I am going with you."

"John that is ridiculous. Every member of my family will be there, including Uncle Bo. Don't you think that's enough people looking out for me?"

"No," he replied as he shook his head. "Natalie, if I can't stop you from going to the wedding then you're not stopping me from looking out for you. What time does it start?"

Natalie rolled her eyes. "The wedding starts at six." Natalie sighed in frustration, trying to remember her promise to cooperate. "I have to be there at five. I'm driving over with Jess and Mom."

John nodded and stood up. "Okay, I'll see you tonight." He looked her in the eye letting her know he wasn't kidding.

Natalie walked him through the foyer and opened the door for him. As he was leaving she spoke, "You do realize you have to wear a suit right? You know tie, jacket, the whole bit."

John smiled. "You're worth it kid," he said turning away before Natalie could respond.

John's breath caught in his throat as Natalie began to make her way down the aisle. She was absolutely stunning. Natalie wore a long black, silky halter dress that showed off every curve on her body. Her hair was swept back just as it had been when he had seen her earlier. Throughout the entire ceremony, John's eyes were glued to Natalie, his concentration suggesting it wasn't just because of the case.

Much to the relief of the Manning family the wedding went off without a hitch and the reception quickly jumped into full swing causing the night to fly by.

Natalie was having a wonderful time, despite the note John had received. As much as she hated to admit it having him there was helping her to relax and enjoy herself. She spent most of the night dancing, moving from her father, to her brothers, Bo, Nash, and even once with Michael – a dance which she noticed John did not look pleased about. Actually, Natalie and John didn't even encounter each other until close to midnight, when they bumped into each other at the bar.

"A beer, please," they both said in unison.

"What, no Champagne?" he asked, unable to keep from smirking.

Natalie stared at him incredulously. "Have I ever struck you as the Champagne type?"

Grabbing his beer John took a sip and gave her the once over. "I don't know, you are looking like quite the heiress tonight," he replied, his tone joking.

Natalie rolled her eyes. "Notice anyone suspicious?"

John opened his mouth to speak, but closed it when Natalie suddenly pulled him away from the bar. Realizing they were now on the dance floor he looked down at her in confusion.

"Roxy is making her way over here," Natalie said looking over his shoulder. "Here, talk to me as we dance – that way she won't come over."

Happy to comply, John took her hand and began dancing with her, making sure they remained a safe distance apart, as he didn't want to cause another argument. "I told my mom and Rex what was going on but I don't want anyone else to know. Jessica, Kevin, Roxy – they would all over react and I don't need that right now," Natalie said, breaking him out of his thoughts. "So, anyone suspicious?" she repeated as she took a second to glance around the room.

"Nothing so far. I don't know, I just have this gnawing feeling that something isn't right. The stolen wedding rings, pictures from Ro, and the letters he has sent me, all make it seem like this is all about you. But, then when I consider the letters and pictures he has sent me, and how he directed me to Ginger's body and made sure to set it up so it looked like you it really seems like this is becoming more about me." Sighing, John shook his head. "I honestly don't know what this guy's agenda is and that scares me, especially since we know he is working with someone."

"Could it be about both of us?" Natalie asked, trying not to notice how close they had become.

"I considered that but it doesn't make sense. As you pointed out, aside from Layla and Evangeline everyone else is dead."

Seeing how frustrated John was, Natalie smiled and spoke softly. "You always win out over the bad guys John, this time is no different."

Surprised at Natalie's tone, John opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by the beginning of the countdown. _"Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six!"_

"_Five!"_

They stopped dancing.

"_Four!"_

John looked down at her oblivious to everything else around them.

"_Three!" _

Natalie stared back at him.

"_Two!"_

Instinctively, John leaned forward and pulled Natalie toward him capturing her lips with his.

"_One!" _

Although temporarily stunned, Natalie kissed him back.

"_Happy New Year!" _


	21. Chapter Twenty

**Chapter Twenty**

"_Happy New Year!"_

Hearing the joyful shouts which were occurring around them, Natalie quickly pulled back from the kiss and moved away from John as she began pushing through the massive crowd, moving toward the doors which led to the terrace. For a few seconds John remained there motionless, shocked that Natalie had kissed him back, shocked that she had run off.

Snapping out of it, he made his way over to the doors and slipped out into the cold, night air. Natalie had her back toward him and was leaning on the stone railing of the terrace looking out at the grounds in front of her.

Hearing John approach, Natalie spoke without turning around, "You shouldn't have done that."

"You kissed me back."

"That was a mistake." Natalie's words were soft, but her voice firm.

John shook his head. "I don't believe you." John reached out and gently grabbed Natalie, pulling her into another searing kiss. After a few seconds he pulled away and looked into her eyes. "It's not a mistake."

Shaking out of Johns grasp, Natalie turned away from him again, suddenly conflicted. The friendly banter at the bar, the dance and now the kiss, it was all too much for Natalie. "John… I… can't…"

But he cut her off. "I love you Natalie."

In the entire time they had been together she had heard those words only once – the night on the roof when they had first got together. After that, nothing. Natalie had been able to accept that John was uncomfortable with the words, and it never became and issue between them. Until now. Hearing John say them now, after everything that had happened just made Natalie angry. Taking in a shaky breath she turned back toward him.

"It's a little too late for that John," she snapped bitterly. Sighing, looked up at him. "We were supposed to be friends John. How could you keep something like that from me?" she then asked, her voice softer.

"He made me promise not to tell you." Noticing Natalie was shivering, John took off his suit jacket and draped it around her shoulders. "He didn't want you to waste your life waiting for him. He wanted you to be happy."

"And like I told you before, those are Cristian's reasons. I asked for yours." Natalie shook her head sadly. "You know what, forget it John. You couldn't possibly understand how violated I felt thinking I had let a total stranger in my bed, or how much I hated myself."

"I'm sorry," John said.

"The last conversation I ever had with my husband involved me hitting him and screaming that I hated him and wished he was dead. Can you even begin to imagine the guilt I feel over that? Because I don't think you can." Natalie turned away. "All I have ever asked, is why you did this, why you kept this from me – but all you've done is hide behind Cristian's shadow and feed me his excuses."

Natalie turned back toward him and fixed him with an intense stare. "Well John, you're out of luck because he's not here and I don't care what his reasons were. What am I supposed to think John? That you were doing the honorable thing?" Natalie could feel herself starting to lose her composure but she refused to run away. "Because, if that's the case, and you actually thought that you were doing the right thing, then I can't believe anything that comes out of your mouth." Natalie took another shaky breath. "Because if that was the right thing, then I am left to assume that you never loved me, but instead were doing the noble thing in looking after the poor widow whose life you ruined." By now, Natalie's voice had broken, as tears were falling freely down her cheeks.

"Natalie, I…"

"No John, I don't want to hear anymore excuses and lies." Natalie began brushing the tears from her cheeks. "John, you can't have love without honesty and that's something you've never been able to give me."

"Please…"

But Natalie wouldn't listen. Turning around she made her way back into the Palace and once again pushed through the crowd. John began to go after her but was blocked by Rex who roughly grabbed his arm and stopped him. "Leave my sister alone."

"Stay the hell out of this Balsom." John said angrily, breaking free of his grasp. "This is between Natalie and I."

"Like hell is it." Rex yelled as he threw his arm back and threw a punch so hard; John stumbled backwards on to the ground. "I have had just about enough of you ruining my sister's life. First you get her mixed up with Flynn and nearly get her killed. Then you spend almost two fucking years rejecting her as you make out with Kathryn and shack up with that bitch Evangeline. Then, once you finally get together and my sister is happy, her world comes crashing down on her because of more of your lies." By now, Rex was riled up. "All you do is ruin Natalie's life. You always shatter her hopes, her dreams and her happiness. And it was because of you she lost the baby." The words were out of Rex's mouth before he even realized what he was saying.

Knowing that he had screwed up, Rex quickly began to back up toward the Palace, needing to get to Natalie before John did. "Just leave my sister alone McBain." Rex quickly threw open the ballroom doors and took off in the direction Natalie had.

As he stood up and brushed himself off, Rex's words were repeating in his mind, "because of you she lost the baby." John remained motionless, horrified. Suddenly, it all made sense - Natalie's hospitalization after their fight and her sudden departure. Needing some sort of confirmation, John unsteadily made his way back in to the Palace and through the crowd seeking out the one person who could give him this.

Seeing Michael sitting alone at a table, John went over and sat down.

"John..."

"Was she pregnant Michael?" John abruptly asked his expression and tone forceful.

Michael looked up at his brother in shock, "what?"

"Rex just accused me of being responsible for her losing a baby." John replied, his voice low.

Michael groaned. "What an idiot."

"So it's true…." John stared down at the table, a mixture of emotions running through him. Noticing his brother's expression Michael spoke, "John… it's not your fault – the argument you had isn't the reason Natalie lost the baby."

John looked up, his face now stricken. "She had just found out about Cristian, we were fighting… all that stress…."

"John it's not your fault." Michael repeated.

"It was my fault," John said standing up. "I have to get out of here."


	22. Chapter Twenty One

**Chapter Twenty-One **

In the early hours of 2006, Natalie rushed home from the Palace and locked herself in her bedroom, knowing what she had to do in order to start the New Year. After changing into a pair of grey sweatpants and old LPD tee-shirt, Natalie grabbed Cristian's journal from her bedside table and began to read. It only took her a half hour to finish it and once she had, she let it drop on to her bed and started blankly at the wall, allowing her mind to process what she had just read. Her suspicions had been confirmed.

Part of the reason Natalie hadn't wanted the glimpse into the innermost thoughts of her husband, because deep down she knew that John was right, the man that had come back and subsequently gone to prison was not the sweet, innocent, loving Cristian she married. The journal had confirmed that, it showed just how much her husband had changed and how violent he had become. Although there were some entries where he wrote about the memories of their first encounter and wedding, for the most part Cristian's thoughts were dark and angry. At one point he had even expressed hatred toward Carlotta for giving birth to him, and toward Antonio, wishing he had just been able to kill him like he had been ordered, holding both of them responsible for everything that had happened to him. Although prepared for the journal to show this dark side of Cristian, Natalie hadn't been prepared for the later entries regarding her which came off possessive, as they went into detail about how he would kill anyone who tried to come between them, including Jessica, Rex and even her mother.

For the first time since finding out the truth, Natalie found herself grateful that Cristian had ended up in prison, as she was now able to admit that no matter how much help she tried to get him, nothing would have been able to bring the old Cristian back. Armed with his knowledge, Natalie felt her anger toward John dull and she knew what she had to do. Picking up the journal she walked over toward the lit fireplace and threw the book in. She watched at the flames ripped through the pages, destroying everything she had just read. The man who had written that journal had not been her husband regardless of the DNA proof. It was a New Year, and a time to move on.

Moving away from the fire, Natalie went over to her closet and pulled down a small duffle bag. After throwing a few clothes into it, she pulled out her cell phone.

John numbly let himself into his apartment and crossed the room in a daze. Finding out Natalie had been pregnant with his child and had miscarried had hit John like a ton of bricks. He found himself overcome with varying emotions, anger at Natalie for not telling him, grief over the loss of child, and most of all guilt, as he held himself responsible for the loss.

Dropping his keys on the coffee table, John loosened his tie and made his way over to his small kitchen area and grabbed an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels. Moving back over to his couch, John sat down ready to fall into his usual habit of drowning his pain, but groaned as he heard the annoying beep of his cell phone alerting him to waiting voice mail. Though tempted to ignore it, John knew it could be regarding the stalker, so he reached into his jacket pocket and grabbed his phone, wanting to just get the message over and done with so he could get back to his drink. Pressing 1 for the message to play, John was shocked when Natalie's voice filled his ear.

"_John it's Natalie. Listen I have decided I need to get away for a few days and am heading up to grandpa's cabin on Lantano Mountain. I have my cell phone if you need me." _

Swearing under his breath, John jumped up from the couch and grabbed his keys.

Natalie looked out the window for what seemed like the hundredth time. The blizzard that they has been forecasting all week was just beginning to hit making it nearly impossible for Natalie to see more then five feet in front of her. For the first time since arriving at the cabin, Natalie was filled with uneasiness as she worried that maybe this hadn't been the best of ideas considering the stalker.

Just as she was debating whether or not to call John again, she heard the sound of a car pulling into the driveway and then a door slamming. Thoughts of the stalker got the better of her and for a second Natalie remained frozen in fear until she saw it was John making his way toward the door. Not surprised to see him, she crossed the living room and made her way toward the door just as he began to knock loudly, yelling out, "Natalie, it's John. Open up!"

Natalie silently opened the door and remained motionless as she pushed past her and made his way into the cabin. After she had closed and locked the door, John whirled around and fixed her with a steely stare, his eyes flashing. During the entire ride up there his anger had been slowly boiling, but seeing her caused it to erupt.

"Are you out of your fucking mind? There is a psychotic murderer after you yet you decide you need some bloody R&R and head up to an abandoned cabin in the woods during what is being predicted as the worst storm in the past 25 years?" Reaching over John grabbed Natalie's shoulders and gently shook her. "What if he had been following you and got here before me? This is without a doubt the stupidest, idiotic thing you have ever done, and let's face it Natalie, there are hundreds to choose from."

Breaking away from his grasp Natalie turned away and strode toward the kitchen not wanting John to see how shaken she was. Although she had expected this reaction, seeing his anger and hidden fear, Natalie knew he was right – she hadn't been thinking.

Way beyond frustrated with her, John peeled off his jacket and followed her into the kitchen ready to continue giving her a piece of his mind, but stopped as he noticed two place settings set at the table.

"I made Mac and Cheese," Natalie said as she grabbed the pot from where it had been warming on the stove and carried it over to the table where she proceeded to dish it out onto the plates. "I figured you didn't get a chance to eat much at the wedding considering you were watching me like a hawk."

"You planned this?" John asked his voice unintentionally harsh, realization dawning on him.

Ignoring his question, Natalie walked over to the fridge and pulled out two beers, then handed him one. Noticing that he was still dressed in his suit, Natalie pointed to the back staircase in the corner of the kitchen. "There are a bunch of old sweatpants and tee-shirts upstairs that Kevin and Joey have left here over the years. You may as well get changed, because based on the weather we may be here for awhile." She tried to turn away from him, but John gently grasped her hand.

"Natalie did you plan this?" John asked, his voice calmer.

"We need to talk."

John shook his head unsure whether to be amused or frustrated. "So instead of coming over to my apartment or inviting me to Llanfair you lure me up to an abandoned cabin in the middle of a blizzard?" Letting go of her hand, John raked his fingers through his hair. "Seriously Natalie, sometimes I have no idea how your mind works." Though John was annoyed over this, deep down he knew most of his anger and frustration was stemming from his guilt over finding out about the miscarriage.

Slightly sheepish, Natalie looked down at the floor. "I admit, maybe it wasn't exactly the smartest idea, but I had no choice." Taking a deep breath, she lifted her head and met his gaze. "Every time that night gets brought up I run away…"

"So you figured if we were stuck here, you wouldn't be able to?" John finished for her, understanding where she was going with this. "Still Natalie, didn't you even stop to consider how dangerous it could be, going off on your own like this?"

Natalie smiled weakly. "You know me – act first, think later." Natalie placed her hand over John's. "I'm sorry, I should have thought about that." Letting go of his hand, she walked over to the table and sat down. "John, I don't want to fight with you anymore. Can you just save the lecture for later?" Finally getting a chance to really look at her, John was shocked to realize how weak and drained she looked. Nodding, John forced a smile and pushed away all feelings of frustration. "Mac and Cheese, huh? Sounds better then any of that fancy food they served at the wedding." Sitting down across from her John lifted his fork and began to eat.


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

**Chapter Twenty-Two **

After spending the entire meal in silence, Natalie finally began to speak as she stood up and began to clear their plates from the table. "You should go upstairs and change… it really does look like we may be here awhile," she said, pointing to the heavy snow which continued to fall.

John nodded as he wordlessly made his way upstairs, happy for the distraction. It would be an understatement to say he was confused – confused as to why Natalie had wanted him up here, as well as to what he was feeling. A small part of him was angry and frustrated at Natalie, not only for her thoughtless action of taking off to the cabin, but also for putting an end to his planned night of sitting in his apartment wallowing in guilt as he nursed a bottle of Jack Daniels. Even though John knew he had to be here to keep Natalie safe, for the first time in his life he found himself wishing he could be as far away from the redhead as humanly possible. Seeing her just brought up all the self-hatred and loathing he felt, despite Michael's insistence that there were other contributing factors. But none, in his mind, could be as important as her finding out the truth about Cristian. Back then he had been able to wallow in alcohol, this time there was no escape.

Knowing that he would rather get whatever it was over with, John quickly pulled on the old sweats he found in the closet and made his way back downstairs. He found her sitting perched on the edge of the large stone fireplace, staring into it motionlessly.

"Hey," John said softly choosing to remain standing in the door way.

Turning to face him, Natalie offered a small smile. "So I guess you're wondering what was so important I needed to lure you here?"

John nodded. "But listen Natalie, it's late and I am really not in to mood for another fight. They never seem to get us anywhere and…"

"I'm sorry."

John's eyes widened. Though he had been expecting her to interrupt him, he never thought it would be for an apology.

As if sensing John's confusion, Natalie continued. "Tonight I was out of line. The stuff I said about you never having loved me and hiding behind Cristian was uncalled for."

"It's alright." Uncomfortable, John raked his fingers through his hair hoping that this conversation would now end. Having her sit there and apologize to him, actually looking remorseful, was killing him. After what he had done, he deserved her hatred.

"No John it's not alright." Natalie said as she stood up. "I finally understand it now. Cristian helped me do that."

"Cristian helped you?"

Natalie let out a small laugh, realizing how crazy that sounded. "Yeah… he did." Taking a deep breath she stood up and began to pace in front of the fireplace. "After Cristian killed himself the prison made a mistake and sent all his belongings to me. At first I was terrified thinking the imposter was trying to contact me, but once I read the standard condolence letter sent from the Warden, I was filled with relief – relief that that chapter of my life was over, relief he was never getting out, and most of all relief that he has suffered as much as I had."

"Natalie…" John held up a hand to stop her, not wanting to hear any more.

"No… for weeks you have been telling me we need to talk about this and you've been right. As I was throwing out the box, I noticed an oil painting sticking out. Unable to ignore my curiosity, I pulled it out and saw a painting of me – it was then I knew that there had been no imposter, that that man really was Cristian. Then I figured out you knew." Taking another shaky breath, Natalie turned to him. "I needed you to know this so you can understand why I went after you the way I did that night. Part of me was devastated, furious over finding out that way,but mostly guilty over those initial feelings of relief."

"Natalie, I don't deserve any explanation. What I did was wrong, and if anything I should be explaining my actions to you."

Natalie smiled softly. "No you don't, because I get it. Cristian kept a journal when he was in prison, it was one of the personal effects sent to me and something I could never bring myself to read… until tonight." She shook her head sadly. "The journal proved to me what I knew deep down, that man was not the Cristian I married. The entries were so dark, so violent and even possessive that all those initial feelings of relief came flooding back despite my knowing he was actually my husband." Natalie met his eyes in a hard stare.

"You have no idea what that is like. To actually feel relief that the person I once loved was dead, was one of the worst feelings I have ever felt, but, at the same time it was freeing." Looking away, Natalie paused for a moment.

"Once I felt relieved he was gone, once I was finally able to face everything else and realize I had it all wrong I realized it wasn't Cristian that you felt obligated to, it was me. It was hard to see that John because ever since Vegas you'd taken on the role of my protector. No matter what mess I managed to get myself into, or who was after me, you moved heaven and Earth to make sure I remained safe."

"Natalie, you're not just some obligation!" John said, his temper beginning to flare.

"I know I'm not, now, but at the beginning, after Vegas I was. Then we became friends, practically best friends, and that obligation was gone. But you never left that role of protector, even going as far as digging up the grave of a judge to prove my innocence. What I was finally able to realize tonight was that you were able to see the darkness, anger and violence in Cristian and you knew that he was beyond help. You weren't protecting him or feeling obligated to him, but as usual you were just protecting me. And now I have to thank you for that. And to apologize for…"

"There was more to it then that!" John interrupted, then paused, once again searching for the words. "Natalie, don't put me up on this pedestal and praise me because knowing Cristian had changed and was dangerous was only part of it."

Natalie remained silent, her eyes urging him to continue and John found himself unable to meet her gaze.

"Yes, I did think Cristian was dangerous. I saw how possessive he was becoming and how angry he seemed and I worried about your safety. When I found out he wasn't an imposter all I could think about was how he had tried to kill Antonio. Any brain washing that can successfully turn someone against his own family in that way is typically irreversible. So then I started thinking about you, and what if he turned on you in that way. I knew he was beyond help, and didn't want you to get caught in the crossfire." John took a deep breath. "But, at the same time I didn't want you to be with Cristian… or anyone for that matter because…because I was in love with you." The last was said in a rush, but he looked her in the eyes.

Noticing the look of shock spreading over Natalie's face, John quickly continued. "I was lying when I made it seem like I had realized I was in love with you after you had been kidnapped by Hayes. The truth is Natalie, I think I have been in love with you since the night I walked in to my hotel room and found you on my bed with a bomb strapped to your chest."

"But… but you kept denying it," Natalie finally said.

"I know, I wasn't just denying it to you, but also to myself." Talking about his feelings never came easy to John, but now that he has started he knew he had to continue. "Ever since you walked into Crossroads I was attracted to you. Here you were, this smart, beautiful, strong, sexy woman who easily stood up to me and could put me in my place in seconds. And even though I was furious, I couldn't help but admire the way you refused to throw the pool tournament in Vegas because it's actually what I would have done. As time went on and we became friends, that friendship was important to me because for the first time in years I was actually smiling again." John began to pace the room, unable to look at her.

"When Caitlyn died, a huge part of me died with her and it wasn't until you came along that I was actually happy again. But, my fear of going through that pain was too much and I ignored those feelings. I managed to convince myself I wasn't in love with you, and hooked up with Evangeline to prove it to myself, to you."

"You did a pretty good jobl," Natalie said softly unable to stop the painful memories from the past from overtaking her.

"For a split second after Cristian admitted to being an imposter I felt relieved, glad that I still had a chance with you. Pretty selfish of me I know, but it was how I felt. Then I got the DNA tests back and he made me promise not to tell you. I tried to get him to tell you, even sent you down to visit him hoping you would, but he couldn't and you didn't want to listen to a word he said. And I, well I wanted you to have chance at a life, marriage, kids, happiness rather then sitting around waiting for him. And I wanted to be apart of that life."

Now that it was all out, John moved over to the couch opposite Natalie and took a seat. "So don't praise me and thank me for doing the honorable thing because part of the reason I kept you from your husband is because I wanted for myself." Bracing himself for Natalie's anger, John squared his shoulders and finally met her eyes, which to his surprise did not look angry.

the above seems too wordy, he repeats himself and tells too much of the story. I think the last paragraph is very succinct and it might be most of what he says

"I love you." The words were out of her mouth before she even knew what she was doing. Hearing John finally admit his reasons for keeping the secret made Natalie realize that John was a huge part of that future, not just the past she wanted to put to rest.

Knowing it was her turn to talk she stood up and went to sit beside him on the couch, taking her hands to his face and forcing him to meet her eyes. "I never stopped loving you."

Looking into Natalie's eyes, John found all thoughts of guilt and blame over the miscarriage fade and become replaced with happiness. Needing to kiss her, John began to lean in but was stopped by Natalie gently pushing him away. "There's something I need to tell you," she began hesitantly. "Something I should have told you months ago… John, the reason I ended up in the hospital that night was because…"

"You miscarried," John finished for her, his voice tight.


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

Natalie's face took on a combined look of shock and horror as John interrupted her. "You knew?" she asked quietly, as she struggled to keep her tears at bay.

John nodded wordlessly. Suddenly overcome with both guilt and blame, he stood up and moved to the other side of the room, needing to put some distance between them. "After you took off from the Palace, Rex cornered me and told me I was responsible."

"That fucking idiot," Natalie muttered under her breath as she stood up and moved toward him. "John," she began as she placed a hand on his shoulder. But as if burned, John recoiled from her touch and turned away from her. "I don't blame him; he was just sticking up for his sister. Hell if I had a sister and some guy made her go through that, I'd have done a lot worse, a lot sooner."

Seeing where John's mind was going, Natalie grabbed his arm and pulled so that he was facing her. "You're not responsible for what happened, John."

Finally meeting her eyes, John let out all the anger, frustration and guilt which had been building up inside of him. "Like hell I'm not… it all comes back to that damned secret! You didn't need that extra stress, I was responsible for that."

"No, you weren't." Natalie's voice was firm, but held a hint of sadness. "When I found out I was so hurt, and so furious that I let myself get all worked up and basically flew in to a rage. All I could think of was me, and how I had been wronged… I never stopped to think about the sake of our baby." Taking a shaky breath Natalie bowed her head. "At first I blamed you… I was so angry and I needed someone to be mad at, but after the anger began to fade there was only myself to blame."

John's expression softened as he saw how pained she looked. Fighting the urge to go to her, he continued to listen. "I had been in AC for about 3 weeks before your brother found me."

John's head jerked up in surprise. "Mikey tracked you down?"

Natalie nodded. "He had been calling me every few days, making sure I was alright – both physically and emotionally. And I guess once I shifted the blame from you onto myself, he got concerned. Was at my doorstep within 48 hours." Natalie let out a wary laugh. "I still don't know how he managed to find me – I had gone back to using the name Balsom to avoid being found. Anyway, he showed up carrying a take-out bag full of fries with mustard." John remained silent, not giving her any indication as to what he was thinking.

"So we ate, made polite small talk, and then the miscarriage was brought up. I hadn't wanted to talk about it, tried to get him to leave but he wouldn't have it. As a friend he made me talk about it, he listened as I went through all my feelings of guilt and then held me once I broke down. Once I had gotten it all out, he went in to Doctor mode and started reciting statistics and facts of miscarriages." Natalie finally looked up into John's eyes. "Michael forced me to realize that stress played a very small role, if any. It could have happened for any number of reasons, all of which were beyond my control. He also talked to me about other cases he had seen – miscarriages in the eighth, even ninth month, and babies that had been stillborn or born seriously ill. I'll be honest, by the time Michael left, I didn't feel much better. But as the days and weeks went by I really started to think about what he said, and even thought about what Jessica must have felt losing Megan. Looking at things that way, I realized that although it was one of the most painful things I have ever had to experience, it could have been worse, and a lot of people have gone through worse. After seeing it this way and really thinking about what Michael said, I realized I couldn't let this guilt take over my life… I wasn't to blame, and John, you're not either."

"But…"

"But nothing. John I love you, and want us to have a future together, but in order for that to happen you have to let go of any guilt you're feeling." Natalie edged closer to him, "Do you want that future?" she asked softly before gently pressing her lips to his.

Wanting to show her he did, John moved closer and edged her mouth open with his tongue.

Natalie let out a small moan as the kiss became deeper, and John felt himself harden. Suddenly overcome with desire he pulled her closer to him and slipped a rough hand under her baggy sweatshirt and after realizing she was braless, began to tweak her left nipple. Breathless, Natalie pulled away and giving John a coy smile, lifted her arms above her head. Noting the playful desire in her eyes, John grabbed the sweater and roughly pulled it above her, exposing her milky white breasts. Just seeing her here in front of him after all these months had John's eyes darken with desire. God, he had missed her.

Taking her hand in his, John pulled Natalie back toward him and once again captured her lips with his. As the kiss intensified, John flipped their position so that Natalie lay on her back. Breaking away from the kiss, John began to move his mouth lower – first kissing her jaw, then neck and downward until he reached her breasts. Gently he took one of her hard nipples in his mouth and flicked his tongue over it, enjoying the sound of Natalie's moans and the feeling of her fingers gripping at his hair.

Unable to take this torture, Natalie pulled him back up toward her and roughly tugged at his sweatshirt, needing to feel his bare chest against hers. Once he was naked from the waist down, Natalie allowed her hands to roam over his back, and pressed up against his body enjoying the feel of his rock hard cock pressing into her. As his mouth attacked hers, Natalie found herself growing increasingly wet and firmly grabbed the band of his borrowed sweatpants and yanked both them and his boxers down at the same time. "I need you in me now," she moaned as she used her legs to push the rest of the pants off her and then began to shimmy out of her own. "Right now."

Now naked John propped himself up and looked down at her. "Are you sure?"

Nodding, Natalie managed to kick her pants aside and wrapped her legs tightly around him.

Just being able to feel her wetness pressed up against him, and smell the scent of her drove John crazy, and within seconds he had lifted Natalie off the couch and laid her gently down on the floor.

For a few seconds he just gazed down at her naked form, thankful for the second chance he was getting. "I love you," he said softly.

Seeing the raw emotion on John's face brought tears to her eyes. "I love you too," she said pulling him down toward her. "Make love to me John."

John's eyes filled with passion as he brought his lips and body crashing down onto hers. Feeling John's hands roaming her body, Natalie moaned loudly and her legs instinctively parted. Seeing her reaction drove John crazy and he began to grind his body against her, enjoying the way his cock glided over her moist center. Natalie, matching his movements spread her legs wider, allowing him to slip inside her.

He started off slow, gently thrusting in and out of her allowing them both to enjoy the sensations, but as Natalie's moans got louder indicating she was close to an orgasm, he found himself speeding up knowing once she came he wouldn't be able to take much more. He thrust into her faster and harder and began to moan himself as Natalie moved her hips in motion with him. "Oh…. God…. John…" she cried out, before the orgasm took over and left her shuddering with pleasure. Feeling her body buckle beneath him, John let himself go before collapsing beside her.

They remained silent for a few minutes, as both of then basked in the afterglow of sex, until finally Natalie spoke as she cuddled closer to him. "Despite all my anger, I really did this miss this."

John smiled. "So have I."


	25. Chapter Twenty Four

**Chapter Twenty-Four **

The month of January passed quickly for the residents of Llanview, and before anyone knew it February had approached them. John and Natalie had returned from the cabin back together and happy, something which surprised no one. Since almost no one in Llanview had known about the Cristian thing, getting back together hadn't been too much for a hassle, and most people seemed genuinely happy for them, except for Rex. After finding out his sister and John were starting over, Rex took it upon himself to have a talk with John, one that left John with another black eye and the promise of more to come if he ever hurt Natalie again.

A few weeks into the New Year, John and Natalie moved into the cottage together, a move which although sudden and a slight shock to their friends and family, thrilled them both. Natalie had begun her final semester at Llanview University and spent almost all her spare time working on plans for the Love Center. Though Natalie had originally been hesitant to accept the job from her Grandfather, she was really getting into it and could not wait until they officially opened in May. John was just as busy, as the New Year had brought a slight increase in crime to the usually tame city. As for the stalker… there was still nothing, nothing that is until the morning before Valentines Day.

Monday morning had been slow and John had spent most of it in his office working on paperwork. He had planned to get it all done and then leave early in order to get some shopping done. Though he was far from the romantic type, John wanted to make Valentines Day special for Natalie. Tuesdays were the one day Natalie didn't have class and John had managed to get it off, so whatever plans he was going to make he needed to do it soon.

Just as he was putting on his jacket and getting ready to leave, there was a knock on the door and Shelia peeked in. "I just wanted to drop off this card that came for you Lieutenant in case it was from Natalie." John smiled. "Thanks," he said as he took the card from her. After she closed the door behind her, John looked down at the card, his smile vanishing as he saw "Lieutenant McBain," written in the familiar script. Shrugging off his jacket, John sat back down at his desk. His face now grim, John slipped on a pair of latex gloves and carefully opened the fire engine red envelope, then reached inside and pulled out a red and white card which read, "A Valentines card for my special friend…." Trying to contain his anger, John took a deep breath and opened the card.

_Dear Lieutenant,_

_First off let me start by wishing you a Happy Valentines Day. I had really been hoping that you would have a chance to enjoy this overly commercialized holiday celebrating love and friendship, but I fear my news will put a damper on whatever celebration plans you have in mind. See, a while ago I made reference to a secret being kept from you by the beautiful Natalie and feel that since she appears to have let you back in her life you deserve to know the truth behind her abrupt departure from town. You see John, the real reason she left town all those months ago wasn't because she was upset over the fight you had, or you inability to commit, it was because YOU killed your unborn child. Yes, I hate to admit it but it is true… the two of you were about to become parents – oh, you should have seen her face the day she came out of the hospital with her wonderful news, she looked so happy and excited. It really was a wonderful sight to see. But, then you had a ruin it by telling her that same day you still were unable to commit, unable to love her. What horrible pain she must have suffered hearing that… in fact it was enough that I found myself almost feeling sorry for her. _

_I really don't understand Lieutenant, why everything you seem to touch dies? First your father, then Caitlyn, then Kathryn, and now your own child. It really makes me wonder how much longer until Natalie is added to that list, especially now that she actually decided to take you back despite the loss you've caused her. _

_Once again, I do wish you a Happy Valentines day._

Letting the card drop from his hands John leaned back in his chair, and waited for his heart to stop pounding. He knew he had to call Natalie in, make sure she was aware of this new development, but before he did that there was someone else he wanted to talk to.

John leaned back in his chair and watched quietly as Dr. David Ryan studied the file on the stalker. Dr. Ryan was a renowned criminal psychologist with the FBI, and one of the few psychologists John trusted. After spending all morning on the phone, John called in dozens of personal favors and managed to get an appointment with the doctor that afternoon. The most recent card had shaken him more than he would like to admit because it made him realize this guy had an intimate knowledge of Natalie, one that went back much longer then he had ever imagined.

After Dr. Ryan finished looking over the file John took the card he had just received and extended it toward him. "I haven't logged this as evidence because it involves something incredibly personal between Natalie and I, something I know she would prefer not to be made public."

Giving a slight nod of understanding, Dr. Ryan took the card from John and took a moment to study it before handing it back. "So I take it you already knew about the miscarriage?"

John shifted in his chair and cleared his throat. "Yeah, Natalie's brother let it slip last month – she and I talked about it and were able to move past it. But the weird thing is everything else in there isn't true. The break-up was over something a lot more serious and the whole bit about me being unable to commit was only what Natalie fed to her family and friends."

The doctor's brow furrowed in concern, and he took another minute to skim through the file. "That is weird because right away I can tell you this guy is meticulous. It is obvious that before making any move he carefully thinks it over and weighs every possible outcome just as if he is playing a game of chess."

"And Natalie and I are the pawns?"

The doctor nodded. "But, obviously he miscalculated here. First off, he is obviously getting his facts about your relationship from someone close to Natalie, because it is very unlikely that he himself is close to her. The way he talks about he suggests this is someone watching her from a distance and not someone currently involved with her everyday life. It is likely that whoever the source is, he or she is close to either you or Natalie because otherwise he wouldn't have any use for them, as this is a guy who would normally work alone."

"So then this is about Natalie?"

"Not necessarily. The notes to you about watching her and the way he speaks of her show that he is definitely fixated on her, and in my opinion, she is his endgame. However, the anger directed at you leads me to believe this has something to do with you as well, almost killing two birds with one stone type of thing." Dr. Ryan paused for a few moments, before something occurred to him.

Quickly he took out the first note which had been sent with the photographs of an unsuspecting Natalie and read it aloud. _"I see her when she's sleeping. I know when she's awake. I know if she's been bad or good… I've got my eyes on her John and not even you can stop me." _

"Tell me John, what did you do when you got this note?" The doctor asked meeting John's eyes.

"I tracked Natalie down to Atlantic City and told her about the note and pictures."

"And she came back to Llanview with you?"

John nodded. "She had been planning on coming back anyway."

"And then he started to send her stuff as well and managed to gain access to her home correct?"

"Yes."

"How long after New Years Eve did you and Natalie get back together?"

The question threw John and he felt himself grow defensive, "It was New Years Eve, but I don't see how this is relevant."

"It is quite relevant John." Dr. Ryan flipped through the file until he pulled out a copy of the note John had received on New Years Eve and read that one aloud.

"_I have a feeling that ours are of a similar nature – possibly involving a beautiful red head? Well, whatever yours are, I am fully aware of mine and intend to make them come true. New Years Eve is always a wonderful night for new beginnings."_

"That note was worded in a way suggesting he was planning on taking Natalie that night wasn't it? At least that's what you thought. Tell me John, do you still tend to hole up with a bottle of Jack Daniels and grow angry at the world when things don't go your way?"

"This isn't about me," he snapped angrily.

"But it is. Three months after Natalie leaves town he sends you pictures of her. He had already tracked her down and could have gone after her right then and there, but he didn't – he sent you pictures and a note. Your first response – get Natalie and head back to Llanview. Then he starts sending stuff to both of you, steals from her, and leaves the body for you – all of which kept bringing you together. Then he sends you a note on New Years Eve, which suggests he is planning on going after her that night. You watch her like a hawk, the closeness gets to you both and you manage to get over whatever problems you were having. Then you don't hear from him again until the morning before Valentines Day when he sends you a card which drops the bomb about the miscarriage."

"Wait a second; are you trying to suggest that the whole time this guy was trying to get us back together? No offense Dr. Ryan, but I find it unlikely the psychopath we're dealing with is a romantic at heart," John responded dryly.

"He wasn't getting you back together in order to play matchmaker John. It was all part of his plan to make you both suffer. Everything he has done so far has been well thought out, every move carefully planned, every reaction anticipated – until now. The one thing he can't control is the unpredictable nature of human beings – he never once considered the possibility of you finding out about the miscarriage."

John took a few minutes and thought about what the Doctor was saying. As much as he hated to admit it, it actually made sense. Alarmed he blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Do you think I should pull away from Natalie?"


	26. Chapter Twenty Five

**Chapter Twenty-Five **

"No, absolutely not. If you do that, he wins. He wants you to pull away from Natalie and follow your usual pattern of drowning your sorrows in alcohol. In my opinion, that is when he plans to go after her."

"So then what do you suggest we do?" John asked, feeling slightly foolish at his impulsive instinct to pull away from Natalie in order to keep her safe. He had been becoming too predictable.

"This is a man who not only wants to cause problems, but also to watch his handiwork, so I guarantee he will definitely be waiting somewhere outside the station wanting to see your reaction. Call Natalie and get her to come over as soon as she can. This will excite him because he'll see this as a bonus, not only seeing your reaction but also hers. Then, come out together and act normal. Then once you are outside the station in plain sight, take the card out, tear it up and throw it in the trash can. Then walk off together, maybe even consider holding hands."

"Won't this piss him off?"

Dr. Ryan nodded. "If you want any chance of catching this guy before he goes after Natalie, you have to get him mad, because once he is he will start acting impulsively and it is likely he will screw up."

John's brow furrowed in concern as he thought back to pissing off Haver, and how that had resulted in Caitlyn's death. "Isn't there a risk that would put Natalie in danger?"

"You are dealing with someone completely different then the music box killer John. Haver was fixated on you – his endgame was making you suffer, which is why he went after Caitlyn, Your mother and Natalie. This guy is fixated on Natalie – and part of that obsession involves needing her alive. Making you suffer is just an added benefit."

John nodded and considered what the doctor was saying. Dr. Ryan was one of the most renowned criminal psychologists on the east coast, but he worried about the consequences if the doctor was wrong. Realizing that John was in deep though Dr. Ryan decided it was time to take his leave. Standing up he zipped up his long overcoat and wrapped a scarf tightly around him. "I need to get back to Philly, but call me if anything else turns up. I hope I was able to help."

John stood up from his desk and walked over to the door to let him out. "Yes, a great help. I appreciate you taking the time to meet with me."

Dr. Ryan offered John a small smile, "It was the least I could do for a former colleague. One more thing before I go. I know I said that whoever he is, he is not close to Natalie – but John, his fixation of her is unnatural."

"What does that mean?"

"I can't say for sure – but in my opinion I think he has known her in the past, maybe a past boyfriend or lover, but definitely someone that had some form of interaction with her and got quite possibly got spurned. This is a guy who insists on being control and if Natalie did manage to take that control away once then he's looking to take it back – and in my professional opinion that is what you need to worry about."

After Dr. Ryan had left his office, John sat down and contemplated what the doctor had said. In all the years he had worked at the FBI, Dr. Ryan's profiles had never been wrong – a record which forced John to seriously consider his suggestion of trying to piss the stalker off. On one hand he could understand the doctors point, it was obvious they were dealing with a cold and calculated man, one who carefully planed out every move before making it. So it made sense for them to use this rare opportunity to one up him. But at the same time, all he could think of was Caitlyn.

During the past year or so, John had found himself thinking of her less and less and she had finally become another memory. There were times he missed her, like when he would be up late at night flipping through channels and come across those old classic movies she loved, but since falling in love with Natalie, his grief over Caitlyn had been put to rest.

Natalie was now his life… and John was terrified of losing her.

When John had called that press conference about the White Rose Killer, his intentions had been the same – piss the guy off so he screws up, a plan which had backfired. But now here he was, 7 years later put into the same situation.

John debated over this dilemma for nearly an hour before he decided that he needed to talk it over with Natalie. Since getting back together they had both promised no more secrets between them, something that despite finding hard John was making an effort to do. Plus, John had learned from experience that by including Natalie in things like this she was less likely to go off and do something stupid. Knowing that Natalie would be in class for a few more hours, John left a message on her cell phone asking her to drop by the station before heading home.

Remembering the list of stuff he still needed to get for Valentines Day, John figured now would be the best time since Natalie would be gone for a few hours. But at the same time he had an ulterior motive. Since he already knew what Natalie's decision would be about angering the stalker, there was something else he had to do – something that would violate the whole idea of no secrets between them.

When Natalie finally got John's message she could tell from his tone that something was wrong. She immediately cancelled a meeting at the Love Center and went to meet him at the police station. When she walked into his office John was sitting at his desk with a thick folder spread open in front of him.

"Hey," she said softly as she closed the door behind her and crossed the room to give him a quick kiss. "I got your message. What's up?"

John closed the folder and smiled at her, happy to see her despite the circumstances.

John filled her in about the most recent note from the stalker and his meeting with Dr. Ryan. Once he was finished, he leaned back in his chair and gave her a few minutes to digest it all. She remained silent for a few minutes, just staring blankly at the card. When she finally looked up at him, her eyes were dark.

"I am going to kill this bastard."

"Natalie…"

"No, don't 'Natalie' me. This is just sick," she said angrily as she held up the card. "Sending me notes, spying on me, even stealing my rings I can handle, but this… this just crosses a line."

"I know. We'll get him Natalie, I promise." John reached across the desk and squeezed one of her hands. "Because of the misinformation about our break-up, Dr. Ryan seems to think he has to be getting his information from someone close to you – someone who got fed the story about me being unable to commit."

Natalie's forehead creased in confusion. "The only people who know the truth are Rex, Michael and my mom. But John, there is no way anyone close to me would be trying to put me in danger."

"Maybe they don't know they are – this guy could be acting like a friend to them and secretly pumping information from them, or he could be blackmailing them. Look how much damage Spencer almost got away with by blackmailing Paige and David? Todd was almost executed and your family came close to losing BE."

Natalie nodded, though she had been gone for most of it, Jessica and Vicki had filled her in whenever they had spoken on the phone. "I'll talk to my family – see if anyone knows anything."

"He also thinks this guy was spurned by you – someone you rejected, or someone you took an upper hand against. I know have asked you before, but I need you to think – is there anyone you can think of that matches this?"

"Typically I am the one getting my heart broken," she said dryly.

John winced, her remark a painful reminder of all the times he had screwed up with her. Pushing it aside he continued to push. "Maybe someone from high school, someone like Hayes who could still is holding a grudge?"

Natalie shook her head. "Noting jumps out at me. I don't keep in touch with a lot of people from high school, but my story might have gotten around A.C. I'll dig out a yearbook and go through it."

Knowing it was time to tell her about the plan suggested by the Doctor; John took a deep breath and began. As expected, Natalie was nodding her head by the time he was done. "John, we have no other options here, and I am getting sick of just sitting around waiting for him to make his next move."

"What if this puts you in danger Natalie?"

Natalie's expression softened, as she realized where John's concerns were stemming from. "You said it yourself; Dr. Ryan is one of the best criminal psychologists in the country... I think we can trust him on this one."

"I don't want to lose you," John said it so softly Natalie had to strain to hear him. Seeing the emotion on his face, Natalie went over to him, put her arms around his neck and sat on his lap. "That's not going to happen," she said as she brought her lips to his.

Across the street from the police station Mitch was sitting in his rented sedan holding a pair of binoculars. 'Things are going perfectly,' he thought to himself, an evil smiling playing on his lips. He knew by now that John must have gotten the card he sent and couldn't wait to see the reaction. Plus, much to the surprise and delight of Mitch, Natalie had just shown up and he couldn't have been happier. 'Two shows for the price of one,' he mused.

He imagined that John would come rushing out first, his face blank and his eyes dark – heading straight to the nearest liquor store. Then Natalie would rush out, her red hair flying wildly around her, tears steaming prettily from her eyes. She would try and catch up to him, maybe even try and stop him – but he would push her away. Maybe they would even get into a fight right outside the station so he could watch!

Once they parted Natalie would be left all alone and John out of the way. Then he could put his final plan into motion. Natalie had no classes tomorrow, so he had arranged for a dozen roses to be sent to her with a card from John, asking her to meet him at Crossroads. The abandoned bar not only had significance for John and Natalie, but was located on the outskirts of town – a place where no one could hear her scream. He couldn't wait to see the look on her face when he stepped out of the shadows.

Caught up in his fantasy, Mitch almost missed the doors to the police station opening. Picking up his binoculars, he pointed them in the direction and became excited when he saw the familiar form of John opening the doors. However his excitement soon turned to horror as he realized John's arm was around Natalie.

"This can't be right…." He muttered to himself, zooming in on their faces. Seeing the matching happy smiles, he tried to calm himself down. "He must not have opened the card yet." Just as the thought occurred to him, John and Natalie stopped in front of a trash can. Mitch watched as John reached into his pocket and pulled out a red card, tore it up and tossed it into the garbage can. It that wasn't bad enough, John then reached down and pulled Natalie in for a kiss. Seething, Mitch watched at the two of them walked toward John's car hand in hand.

It hadn't worked.

About to snap, Mitch furiously started the car and peeled out of the parking lot. 'I am going to kill that son of a bitch,' he muttered angrily as he sped toward his makeshift home.


	27. Chapter Twnety Six

**Chapter Twenty-Six **

On the morning of Valentines Day, Natalie awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs. Wiping the sleep from her eyes, she rolled over and looked at the clock.

10:45

Suddenly confused, Natalie climbed out of the large queen sized bed she shared with John, threw on her robe and made her way barefoot downstairs toward the kitchen.

"John?" Natalie questioned as she stopped in the doorway of their kitchen unable to believe her eyes. Not only was John at home when he should be at the station, but he was cooking. Not once in the entire time Natalie had known him had she seen or known he could cook.

"Morning," John said coming toward her and giving her a quick kiss on the lips. "Did you sleep well? You've been so busy with school and the shelter that I thought you could use the extra few hours."

Still in a state of bewilderment, Natalie continued to gape. "Yeah I slept fine," she said once she found her voice. "What is all this? Shouldn't you be at work?" Natalie finally asked as she made her way into the kitchen and grabbed a coffee mug from the shelf.

Taking the mug from her hands, John went over and poured her coffee, and added the cream she liked in it. Taking her hand, John guided her over to the table and handed Natalie her coffee once she was seated.

"I took the day off, thought we could spend it together."

Another expression of shock came over Natalie face. "You willingly took a day off? You never take time off."

John flashed her a quick smile before disappearing into the living room. Within a few seconds he was back and holding a crystal vase filled with a dozen red roses. "Happy Valentines Day," he said as he placed the roses in front of her and gave her a passionate kiss before going back to the stove.

Natalie continued to stare at John. Finally she spoke. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?"

John let out a small laugh as he began to plate the bacon and eggs. "I was going to serve you breakfast in bed, but since your up we may as well sit at the table." Balancing both plates, John crossed the room and sat one down in front of Natalie.

Rather then pick up her fork and begin to eat, Natalie just watched him unsure of where this was coming from. Overall, she and John were happy. They both continued to lead their own lives, never got too wrapped up in each other that they forgot everything else, and both enjoyed quiets nights in drinking a beer and watching a movie. Romance to them was a nice dinner at Rodi's or a game of pool… nothing ever like this.

"What's wrong?" John finally asked noticing that she hadn't even touched her food.

Natalie shook her head. "Nothing, I'm just curious where this is all coming from. You hate Valentines Day – ever since I have met you, you've gone on and on about it being an overly commercialized holiday made up my florists and gift shops."

John put his fork down and went quiet for a few seconds. Afraid that she had offended him, Natalie was just about to apologize when he began to speak. "There was a time long ago that I felt differently." John sighed and looked across at her. "Growing up I was always cynical, never really the flowers and romance type. If I had a girlfriend during Christmas or Valentines Day it was spent on a date at a bar. Never anything special. Then I met Caitlyn."

Natalie remained silent knowing this was one of the rare moments that John was actually opening up.

"Caitlyn lived for things like that; she loved all holidays and went out of her way to plan all these small romantic gestures, but she knew how I was and never pressured me to change. We had been together about a year when I was out and saw this small bear. For some reason I just decided to buy it for her, a spur of the moment thing. Well, when I brought it home for her she was overjoyed. You would think that I had just brought her a million dollars the way she went on about this cheap, bear." John smiled wistfully. "Seeing her happiness over something as small as that changed me a bit. I never became a flowers and romance type of guy, but a lot of that cynicism wore off as I realized how happy little things made her and started to do them for her. Flowers here, a cooked dinner there. It just meant something to her you know?"

Natalie nodded, remembering small things Cristian had done for her early in their relationship.

"After she died that new side of me died too. I went back to being a cynical, miserable jerk."

"I remember," Natalie said lightly reaching her hand across the table and placing it on top of his.

John smiled at her comment. "I don't know, ever since Caitlyn died I hated the idea of love and romance. Even when Evangeline was begging for some sort of romantic gesture like a stupid key, I couldn't give it to her. But with you, it's so different. You don't expect it or ask for it. You are perfectly happy with staying in ordering a pizza and having a few beers. After a fight, you don't expect flowers or a fancy dinner – you're just satisfied with an apology. But like Caitlyn, I see your face light up during a surprise night on the roof or the time I closed down Rodi's for us so we could dance. I started to see that side of me coming back." John shook his head. "You just being that way makes it easy for me to want to do those things again."

Smiling, Natalie wiped away a few of the tears that were pooling in the corners of her eyes. Any other guy would be making a mistake to bring up a previous girlfriend on Valentines Day, but how John had just opened up to her really meant something. Standing up, Natalie went over to him and wrapped her arms around him. "Happy Valentines Day," she whispered before bringing her lips down on his. The kiss was passionate but quick; lasting only seconds before she broke away and returned to her seat.

Noticing his lustful expression Natalie laughed as she lifted her fork. "You went to all this work to make me breakfast… do you really think I am going to make love to you before eating it?"

Groaning in frustration, John also lifted his fork and proceeded to eat.

This was going to be one long breakfast.


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven

**Chapter Twenty-Seven **

For John and Natalie most of that Valentines Day was spent lounging and making love in bed. It wasn't until around 5:00 that night, that they both decided to get showered and dressed and make their way outside the house to get something to eat.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather go some place nicer like The Palace?" John asked, as he and Natalie made their way down the driveway and towards his car.

Laughing Natalie got into her side and shook her head. "Rodi's sounds perfect, a burger… beer… maybe even a chance to kick your ass at pool again."

Shaking his head, John started up the car and began backing down the driveway but stopped when he noticed a long white box at then end of the driveway near the mailbox. He shot a confused look at Natalie. "Were you expecting a package today?"

"No," Natalie responded looking over his shoulder at the box. "It looks like a flower box," she commented as John unbuckled his seat belt and started to get out of the car. Following him, they approached the box carefully, the earlier ease of the day gone and replaced with a sense of alert.

Seeing that it was addressed to Natalie, John looked up at her. "Do you have a Kleenex in your purse?"

Nodding, Natalie dug through her black handbag and handed one to him. "Do you think it's from him?" She asked, crouching down beside him.

Rather then respond, John used the Kleenex to open up a corner of the box. Inside were a dozen red roses, almost identical to the ones John had given her this morning.

Shaking his head, John dug through the box and found the card. Still holding the tissue, John managed to get the envelope opened and pulled out the card.

_Natalie, _

_I am so sorry for my reaction yesterday… it was completely unwarranted. Please join me at Crossroads tonight at 8:00 for our own private Valentines Day celebration. _

_I Love You, _

_John _

Anger glinting dangerously in his eyes, John threw down the card knowing there were no prints or DNA to worry about. Standing up, John suddenly kicked the box causing roses to spill out all over the lawn. "I'm going to kill this sick bastard," He snapped, turning away from Natalie.

Standing up from her place on the grass, Natalie came and stood beside him and put an arm around him. "We'll get him John. Just the fact that he forgot to cancel these flowers shows the plan is working – he's starting to slip up."

Unable to help himself, John pulled away from her and began pacing the lawn. "You don't understand. Yesterday when I got that letter, my first instinct was to pull away from you – as usual I stupidly thought putting some distance between us would keep you safe. I am such a fucking idiot." John racked his fingers through his hair and looked down at the grass. "If I had done that that you would be…"

Natalie held up a hand to stop him. "But you didn't and I am here with you." Closing the distance between them, Natalie reached up and kissed him softly. "You can't beat yourself up over this John; if you do that he wins."

Sighing, John began to relax in her embrace. "I love you."

Natalie smiled but said nothing. They stayed like that for a few moments until John pulled back a bit. "Natalie, I know we had plans but I have to hit Crossroads in case he left something…"

Nodding, Natalie began walking up towards the house until John called her name. "With everything going on I'd prefer it someone came and stayed with you – your mom, Jess, Rex… I just don't want you alone," John said going into protective cop mode.

"John, you can't be serious, it's Valentines Day, and I can't ruin Jess's night with Nash or my parent's plans…"

"Natalie please?" John asked a slight hint of desperation in his voice.

Sighing, Natalie nodded. "I think Adrianna is away on a photo shoot, I'll call Rex over."

"I'll wait until he gets here," John said as he followed her back inside their home.

It was just after midnight when John managed to get back to the Cottage. He and a team had swarmed Crossroads and found the set up that had been awaiting Natalie – a table set for two, unlit candles and rose petals strewn around the table. Of course, the stalker hadn't been there – but that didn't stop John. He spent hours bagging everything and hauling it in, hoping to get a fingerprint, hair, fiber – anything. But, he was out of luck everything was clean.

He kept trying to tell himself what Natalie had said earlier – that this was a good sign because it showed he was slipping up. This guy was usually so organized, and one step ahead of them that his note not tearing them apart was obviously having an effect as he hadn't bothered to put the brakes on his plan. But, despite that reasoning, John still found himself angry – angry at this bastard, but also angry at himself.

He kept replaying his meeting with the profiler over in his mind, remembering how his first instinct had been to pull away from Natalie – so the entire time he was at Crossroads he couldn't help but imagine she had got caught up in his trap – and John couldn't help but realize how it would have been his own fault.

Letting himself into the Cottage, he managed to crack a small smile as he noticed both Natalie and Rex asleep on the couch. Natalie was leaning on to her brother, and he had his arm around her. Despite his frequent annoyance with Balsom, he was grateful Natalie had a brother like him, as John knew, no matter what, if Natalie needed him, Rex would be there in seconds.

Going over, John gently shook Natalie causing her to jolt awake, movements that in turn caused Rex to also sit up. "Hey," Natalie said softly, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

John said nothing, but leaned over and kissed her.

Yawning, Rex stood up and straightened up his clothes. "That's my cue to leave." Turning his attention to his sister, he fixed her with a pointed look. "Nat, you'll call me the second you know anything right?" During their evening together, Natalie had finally filled her brother in on the stalker and what was going on, as she had suddenly been overcome with the urge to confide in someone.

Natalie nodded, and also stood up. "I promise," she said, giving Rex a quick hug. "Thanks for coming over tonight."

As he was leaving, Rex looked over at John. "If something like this happens again, call me – I'll be here in minutes."

"I will," John replied as he walked the younger man to the door and waited for Rex to get into his car. After he had left, John walked back to the living room and sat down beside Natalie.

"I'm sorry about tonight."

Natalie shook her head. "Don't worry about it. Did you find anything?" she asked, her voice turning serious.

As much as John would have loved to lie and said the building was empty, he knew he couldn't, so he told her the truth. Once he was finished, his voice was blank and his face looked strained and tired. Seeing this, Natalie stood up and gently took his hand. Wordlessly, she pulled him from his seat on the couch and led him up the stairs toward their bedroom.

Once inside, she led him their bed and gently pushed him into a sitting potion on the edge of the bed. Still remaining silent, Natalie slowly unbuttoned her shirt, her eyes never leaving his. Once all the buttons were undone, she smiled softly and teasingly slid the shirt from her body. After allowing it to fall to the floor, Natalie did the same with her jeans – until she was standing in front of him in a lacy black bra and matching panties.

Noticing the slight bulge in his pants, Natalie leaned over John and begin to unbutton his shirt, and once it was off, pushed him backwards onto the bed so she could do the same for his pants and boxers. Now completely naked, and underneath her, Natalie slowly positioned her body on top of his and captured his mouth with hers. The kiss started off slow, but soon turned passionate, with John reaching around Natalie and unclasping her bra.

Once her breasts were freed from the material, John moved his hands in front of him and began massaging her breasts, and every so often tweaking her hardened nipples. Moaning in pleasure, Natalie loved her own hands downward and captured his rock hard penis in her hands and begin moving her fingers up and down the shaft, enjoyed the slight gasp John made whenever she moved his hands over the tip.

They remained like this for awhile, hands frantically roaming, lips and tongue kissing, licking, sucking, just both of them unable to get enough of each other. Finally, feeling how wet Natalie's had become, John slowly tugged the black lace off her and gently pushed her body down on to his.

The sex was fast, frantic and had them both reaching orgasms in minutes - but it was satisfying as both of them just needed this time to escape from everything that surrounded them. After it was over, and they lay totally exhausted on the bed, John reached over and brushed a few strands of hair from Natalie's eyes. "I love you."

Natalie smiled, and squeezed his hand in response. They remained like that for a few minutes until they had both caught their breaths, then John jumped up and crossed the room to his dresser drawer. Taking out a medium sized jewelry box, John made his way back over to the bed and handed it to her.

"I meant to give this to you at dinner – but with everything that happened…" he trailed off, as she began to unwrap the gift.

Natalie smiled. "John you did enough for me this morning." She said, as she tore off the remaining paper, and opened the box to revel a beautiful silver watch. "John it's beautiful." She exclaimed as she took it out of the box and examined it closely.

John shrugged, slightly embarrassed. "I know you're not really a fancy jewelry girl, but I saw this and thought of you. It's engraved…"

Unable to mask her surprise, Natalie turned the watch over and read the engraved script, "I love you."

"I figured since I hardly say it, I'd make sure you had something to remind you that I always feel it."

With his words, Natalie felt her heart melt, and she quickly threw her arms around John. "Its beautiful, thank you."

Smiling, John and Natalie both laid down to sleep tightly holding one another. "Happy Valentines Day." He whispered, once again brushing a strand of red hair from her face.

"Happy Valentines Day," Natalie mumbled back, before sleep overtook her.

Later that night, once he was sure Natalie was asleep; John quietly got out of bed and made his down to the living room. Going over to his jacket he pulled out a small Palm Pilot he had just bought the other day and sat down with it. Normally John was not the high tech type of guy, in fact he went out of his way to avoid complicated devices like it, but this was different.

Starting it up, he went into the file which had been labeled Natalie and opened it. Instantly a screen popped up of a map with a little red dot marked over their address.

The tracker was working.

As he shut down the device, John had a quick flash of quilt over putting a tracking device in her Valentines gift, but he quickly brushed it off. If he hadn't been sure about this before, tonight's contact by the stalker made him positive that this was the right thing to do. As soon as the stalker thing was over with, he'd remove it and she would never have to know.

He loved Natalie far too much to risk losing her again.


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight

**Chapter Twenty-Eight **

The next few weeks passed quickly for both John and Natalie and soon they were into the early days of March. John kept himself busy at the station going over the stalker case for what seemed like the millionth time, as Natalie struggled to write final papers and worked on the completion of the center. After much debate she had decided to go with the name "Angel Square Women and Children's Center" and had already lined up a bunch of doctors, social workers and volunteers to be on hand when it opened at the beginning of May.

Since the Valentines Day card designed to tear them apart there hadn't been any word from the stalker – something neither of them knew whether to take as a good sign or a bad one. They had been anticipating on making him furious enough to slip up, but it was beginning to look like their plan had backfired.

On the first Tuesday of the month, Natalie decided to take a day off and spend it with Rex. Since starting classes again and his dating Adrianna they hadn't had much time to spend together and Natalie was starting to miss her brother. They had started off meeting for lunch at Rodi's and were now pulling into a seedy looking warehouse on the outskirts of town.

In typical Rex fashion he had decided on the spur of the moment to open up a PI business. For weeks he had been lining up contacts, possible locations and was on his way to meet with someone about high tech spying equipment. At first Natalie had been hesitant about accompanying her brother to a place like this, but decided that she would rather be with him then have him go alone.

Just before they entered the small shop, Natalie grabbed Rex's arm and stopped him. "Are you sure this place is safe?" She asked, taking another look around the deserted, run down building.

Rex nodded. "It's cool." Walking ahead of his sister, Rex opened the door to the store and let Natalie enter first. As soon as she did a whole slew of machines went off and an angry looking man instantly appeared beside her.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He man asked as he took a hold of one of Natalie's arms and peered down at her, his eye narrowed.

"Whoa, Rick…calm down man, she's my sister." Rex said as made his way further into the store and came between Natalie and the man still holding her arm.

The man fixed his gaze upon Rex. "Well then Balsom maybe I should be asking you what the hell you think you're doing bringing a bugged women into my shop."

Confusion spread across both Rex and Natalie's faces. "Bugged? I'm not bugged." Natalie finally said.

Rick shook his head angrily. "I have this store wired with top of the line equipment. Those sirens go off if anyone sets foot in his door with any type of bug, camera or tracking device. What type of game are you two playing?"

Rex folded his arms across his chest and fixed the man with a typical Rex expression. "Listen man, I came here to pick up those devices we talked about. Do you really think I would wire my sister and bring her in here?"

Rick looked between the two of them for a few seconds and finally let go of Natalie's arm. "Follow me, I'll show you were the signal is coming from." He said gruffly, as he began making his way toward the back of the shop.

Natalie's first instinct was to grab Rex and bolt, but Rex stopped her. "What if you are wired?" he whispered. "With all that stalker stuff going on, what if he did put something on you?"

Natalie felt her blood run cold. Never in a million years had she considered that possibility. Wordlessly, she nodded and followed Rex and the man tot the back of the store. When they got to the back, the man was holding an odd shaped device in his hand. "You really didn't know that you're bugged?" He asked as approached her.

Natalie shook her head and stood still as he began to wave the device over her body like someone at Airport security would. When he got to her wrist the machine started beeping like crazy. Gently, Rick picked up her arm and unclasped her watch, the machine still continuing to beep. "It's the watch – it has some sort of tracking device in it."

"Didn't John give you that watch?" Rex asked, just as shocked as his sister.

Natalie looked up at the man in shock. "It can't be the watch. My boyfriend gave that to me for Valentines Day; it hasn't left my wrist since then…"

Rick laughed bitterly. "Lady, if that's the case then you have one possessive man." Suddenly he turned his attention to Rex, "You ready to get that business taken care of Balsom?"

Rex nodded, and after giving Natalie a reassuring pat on the back, followed the guy to another part of the store leaving Natalie alone to collect her thoughts.

After leaving the store, Natalie spent most of the ride back to Llanview in silence not knowing what to say. She was shocked, confused, humiliated and angry that once again John wasn't keeping her in the loop. The watch sat bunched up in her purse, and it was taking almost all her self control to not just hurl it out the window.

In fact, she was imagining a whole bunch of other places to throw it at when Rex finally broke her out of her thoughts.

"Natty, maybe this isn't such a bad thing…" he said hesitantly, keeping his eyes on the road ahead of them.

Natalie turned in her seat as much as the seatbelt allowed. "Isn't such a bad thing? John put a tracking device on me Rex – and if that wasn't bad enough, he put it in my Valentines Day present. How can that not be a bad thing?"

Deciding that it was best not to try and reason with her, Rex changed the subject. "So, did you want to swing by the Center and show me the progress you've made?"

Natalie turned back around and faced the road, anger glinting in her blue eyes. "No." she said so calmly that it scared him. "You're dropping me off at the police station."

The rest of the way home Rex had tried to talk her out of dropping in on John, but Natalie remained stubborn. The second Rex stopped the car, Natalie jumped out and stalked furiously through the building, refusing to acknowledge anyone. By the time she reached the main floor of the police department, she was about to lose it. Seeing John talking to one of the officers, she stalked toward them and grabbed his arm. "Can I talk to you?" she asked tersely, not even managing a smile at the other officers.

Worried by her expression, John nodded. "I'll brief you on that case later Roberts," he barely managed to say before Natalie began dragging him toward his office. Once they were inside, she slammed the door and flicked the lock before turning her attention toward him.

"How could you?"

John looked at her, confused by her sudden angry outburst. "Natalie, I don't know what you're talking about…." he began hesitantly.

Natalie laughed bitterly as she grabbed the watch from her purse and held it up. "I must make these things so easy for you… seeing the watch which you so smartly engraved, and being happy about it while you tracked my every movement."

Suddenly understanding her anger, John took a step toward her. "Natalie…"

"Don't you dare even Natalie me. You put a tracking device in my Valentines Day gift…. Do you have any idea how violated that makes me?"

"I was trying to keep you safe."

"You treated me like a common criminal." Natalie yelled, throwing the watch down angrily on his desk. "We had a deal John – no more secrets, no more lies, no more going behind each others backs! Do you remember that?"

Not understanding why she was making such a big deal out of this, John began to get angry. "You're over reacting Natalie… someone needs to keep an eye out for you."

Natalie shook her head in disgust. "Do you have any idea what its like? Being kidnapped? Held hostage? Almost raped? Because I do John. I have spent the last four years of my life being targeted by psychos. Mitch tries to cut out my heart… tries to make my mother choose which daughter she loves more, alienating me even further from my family. Then, my mother's alter tries to make me think I'm crazy, and makes it seem I pushed Ben out the window. And if this isn't enough for me to have to deal with, Flynn kidnaps me and kills my husband, or so I think." Natalie paused, turning away from him.

"Once I finally get over that loss, and begin to move on, Haver comes after me… strapping a bomb to my chest. After that comes Paul, who tries to rape me, and then my husband comes back from the dead only to be reveled as an imposter." By now, Natalie was pacing the room, all of her pent up anger coming to the surface.

"Again, if that wasn't enough, another serial killer targets me. Tries to fry me in a vat of oil, shoots an arrow at my head, kidnaps and dresses me in a cheerleader outfit then attempts to burn me at the stake and finally kidnaps me leaving me in an pit. Now this? God, I thought my childhood was bad enough, always living on the wrong side of town, having to deal with a drunken mother and her abusive boyfriends. Often going days without food and having to rely on cheap scams to make money… things were supposed to change once I found out who I was." She turned and faced him, her eyes flashing.

"But you know, I always managed to get through those situations and for most of them I had you to rely on. But I draw a line here John – I will not let you, or any person for that matter violate me in this way. You gave me a seemingly perfect gift, one that I took pride in, one that I showed off to my sister and mother as 'the sweet thing John did,' and you used it to take away any freedom I have." Taking a deep breath she wiped angrily at the few tears that had begun to fall.

"You know having the stalker watch me, go through my house, follow me – that I can deal with – but having you stoop to that level, well to me that's worse then anything that monster could dream up."

Feeling as if he had been slapped, John opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Bo entering the room, worry and fear evident on his face. "John, I need you in the conference room right away."

Seeing her uncle's expression Natalie was able to forget her anger as she faced him. "What is it Uncle Bo?" she asked going over to him.

Bo took a shaky breath and met his niece's eyes. "Matthew and Starr were kidnapped from the park this afternoon."

Letting out a gasp, Natalie brought her hand to her mouth. "Oh my god."

"Are you sure? I mean Starr is often reckless and flighty, are you sure she didn't convince Matthew to take off?" John asked as he went into cop mode and pushed away his fight with Natalie.

Bo shook his head grimly. "We have eye witness testimony. Two people in a van jumped out and grabbed them… it looks like it's a ransom. But, John I need you to head this up… I'm too close…" Bo choked out, trying hard to remain in control.

John nodded, but hung back hoping to have a minute in private with Natalie, but that hope was dashed as he watched Natalie follow her uncle out and overheard her say, "Dad's in London this week, I have to go stay with Mom…. Promise me the second you hear anything you will call?" After Bo nodded and moved toward his office, Natalie looked back at John, her eyes once again cold.

"I'll be spending the night at Llanfair."

Without even waiting for a response, Natalie turned on her heel and walked back toward the parking lot. John helplessly watched her go, unsure if he would be able to fix this.


	30. Chapter Twenty Nine

**Chapter Twenty-Nine **

The next twenty-four hours were complete hell for John. He had spent hours at the park trying to follow leads and find witnesses, but there was hardly anything to go on. Considering that it had happened in broad daylight, it was almost as if Matthew and Starr had vanished into thin air.

The one witness they did have was an older lady who had been walking her dog at the time. She reported seeing a dark van pull up to the children and two people in masks jump out and grab them. Almost all of the Buchanans, Lords and Mannings were at the station and most of them were frantic. Of course, as is the usual when these groups together, there were snide comments, lots of blaming and one or two fights that officers had to break up.

In a nutshell, it was chaos.

In addition to that, John couldn't keep his mind of Natalie. There was no denying it; once again he had screwed up. Remembering how angry and hurt she looked and how she claimed it "violated her," John continued to be filled with remorse. He had never expected that she would find out about the tracker. In the past twenty-four hours he hadn't seen or heard from her at all. He had ended up spending the night at the station, as the thought of going back to their empty house just filled him with even more regret.

He had no idea how to fix this.

It was nearing 5pm when John finally got back to the station after another day of canvassing and following the fee leads they had. As he was making his way back toward his office, he spotted her familiar red hair in the corner of his eye. Spinning around, John watched as Natalie and her mother entered the station and went over to where the rest of the family was sitting.

He stayed like that for a few minutes, just watching her unsure whether he should venture over there or not. But Vicki must have noticed his hesitation as she motioned to Natalie that he was standing there and Natalie's turned her head and met his eyes.

They made eye contact for a few seconds until Natalie turned away and began speaking to her mother again. His face falling, John slowly tore his eyes away and began to turn back into his office when he realized she was headed toward him. Wordlessly she made her way past him and into his office and then waited for him to shut the door.

"Has there been any news about Matthew and Starr?" Natalie asked, her voice slightly cold.

John shook his head. "Not yet, we're still looking."

There was an awkward silence between them for a few seconds until John spoke.

"Natalie I made a mistake putting that tracker in the watch. As much as you may hate me right now, I need you to know how sorry I am."

Sighing, Natalie took a seat on his couch. "I just can't believe you would do something like that. Why didn't you just suggest it to me? Gave me a chance to think about it?"

"Would you have even considered it?"

Natalie thought about that for a moment before honestly answering. "Probably not… but John, what possessed you to do something like that?"

Suddenly feeling angry, John turned toward her his eyes flashing. "You want to know what possessed me Natalie, fine I'll tell you. The thought of this guy grabbing you, the million scenarios that won't stop through my mind of the potential things he would do to you, the thought of finding your naked, mutilated body positioned for me like he did with Ginger…" John trailed off and finally met her eyes. "Knowing that if I wasn't smart enough or fast enough I could never see you again. The days I'd leave for work wondering if it would be the last time I ever saw you, thinking of having to re-live the pain of losing someone else I loved. That's what possessed me to do it Natalie."

Though still upset with him, Natalie stood up and went over to him. Wordlessly, she wrapped her arms and around him and hugged him tightly. "John I know you're scared, and I'm scared too, but we can't just stop living our lives because of this guy. We can't spend every waking minute together, or track the other persons ever move because that's not just going to keep us safe, it's going to end up tearing us apart."

Knowing she was right, John remained silent, just enjoying the feel of her in his arms. Finally, he whispered once more, "I'm sorry."

"I know you are, but I'm still angry you went behind my back like this..." Natalie said, but seeing the worry that crossed over John's face, she rushed on. "I'll get over it, I just need some time."

Although he hated to, John pulled away from her. "I understand. Listen I need to get back out there…"

Natalie nodded. "I know. My Dad gets back tonight so if you get a chance to go home, I'll see you there, okay?"

For the first time in twenty-four hour John smiled, realizing everything was going to be okay. "Okay. I love you Natalie."

Smiling Natalie suddenly learned up and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "I love you too."

Giving her one last look, John turned away and left the room. Natalie was just about to follow him when her cell phone rang. Looking at the caller ID and seeing it was unknown, Natalie answered it.

Hello?"

"If you ever want to see your cousins alive again you will do exactly as I say." The voice was computer generated.

"Who is this?" Natalie choked out, trying to remain calm.

"I will be the one with the questions. As I said, if you want to see them alive you are going to follow my orders."

When Natalie remained silent the voice continued. "Good, I see we understand each other. I want you to know that right now I am watching you. I see you in Lieutenants McBain's office, standing by his desk and trying to reach for that piece of paper and pen. Put it down Natalie or else I will start by slitting Matthews's throat."

Hearing the terrified scream of Starr, Natalie's hand froze and the paper fluttered to the desk. In that instant she knew… it was the stalker.

"Good girl. Now, you have 10 minutes to get to your car and start driving. Keep the phone on so I can hear what you are doing. Don't try to be a hero Natalie or else one of them will die."

Suddenly seeing the silver watch on the corner of John's desk, Natalie got an idea. "My watch is on his desk… I'm going to need to reach for it so I can keep track of time."

There was a slight pause on the other end, until finally the voice agreed. "If I see you reach for anything other then the watch they are dead."

Natalie obliged and with shaking hands, slid the watch onto her wrist. "You're wasting time, you better hurry," The voice demanded.

Nodding, Natalie took a deep breath and left John's office praying that she would run into someone. Her prayers were answered as one of the rookies Officer Davis, stopped her.

"Are you leaving Ms. Vega?" He asked having been told by the Lieutenant to keep her updated on the case.

"You better handle this carefully," The voice whispered.

"Sorry Mom, just a second." Natalie pulled the phone away from her ear and forced a smile at the officer. "I have to get back to Llanfair – My Mom is really upset about the whole kidnapping thing."

"Is there anything you want me to tell the Lieutenant when he gets back?"

Choosing her words carefully Natalie nodded. "Just explain to him where I had to go, and could you tell him I am sorry? I didn't mean to snap at him over the necklace he bought me – he was right, silver was the better choice, tell him not to take it back."

Though confused the officer nodded and promised to do so. As she began to leave the station she put the phone back to her ear. "Trying to right some wrongs are we? Very well done. You have five minutes left."

Picking up her pace, Natalie all but ran to her car praying that John would get and understand her cryptic message.

Her cousin's lives depended on it.


	31. Chapter Thirty

**Chapter Thirty **

After getting into her car the caller instructed Natalie to drive to the docks and get out of her car, but told her in no uncertain terms she had to keep their phone connection going or else the deal was off. Knowing that this was the only way to keep her cousins out of it Natalie did as she was told.

Once at the docks, Natalie got out of her car and looked around. Picking up the cell phone she put it back to her ear. "I'm here," she said, her voice shaking.

"Good. Now, throw your cell phone into the water. When the van pulls up in front of you, you are to get in."

"What about Matthew and Starr?" How will I know they're safe?"

"As you are getting into the van, they will be getting out. Do not speak to them, do not try and have any form on contact with them. Just get in the van. If you disobey me I guarantee one of them will be harmed. Now, without pressing end throw your phone into the water."

Natalie obeyed, and within seconds a dark van pulled up in front of her. Unable to see the drivers, Natalie pulled open the side door and breathed a sigh of relief as her cousins jumped out.

"Natalie!" Starr yelled grabbing on to her hand, but Natalie shook it off and stepped into the vehicle.

"Natalie don't!" Matthew cried as she pulled the door tightly shut and heard the locks click.

The van started up and seconds later they were moving. The van had no windows and like a truck, there was a wall separating the front seats from the back area she was in. Forcing herself to remain calm, Natalie looked around her, hoping to find something she could use to protect herself.

But the van was empty.

Drawing her knees up to her chest, Natalie sat against the wall and tried not to cry.

"Please let John find me." She prayed, as she looked down at the watch which was safely clasped around her wrist.

About an hour after he had left, John walked back into the police station completely frustrated. He had just finished following up on their final lead, a lead that had led nowhere.

As much as he hated the statistics, the more time that went by the worse their chances were at finding Matthew and Starr alive. John was just heading toward his office, when he heard loud shouting coming from the main area.

Both concerned and curious, he made his way toward the noise and stopped in shock when he saw the sight before him.

Matthew and Starr had just run into the room and were throwing themselves in the arms of their parents. All the Buchanans, Mannings and Lords crowded around each of them shouting out about a hundred questions at time.

"Quiet down, Quiet down," Bo yelled, with tears in his eyes as he tightly embraced his son. "Let's give them a chance to talk."

Once the room went quiet, Matthews's eyes widened and he pulled away from his dad. "Natalie!"

Most of the adults looked around in confusion, until Vicki stepped forward. "I'm sure she's around her somewhere Matthew, I'll go see if I can find her…"

But Starr also pushed away from her mother, eyes wide. "No, No. They have Natalie."

Heart pounding in his chest, John stepped forward. "Who has Natalie?" he all but yelled, his hands starting to shake. Also standing up, Bo looked down at the kids, "What are you talking about?"

Taking a deep breath, Matthew looked up at his father and John. "The people that took Starr and me called Natalie and told her that unless she did what they said they were going to kill us."

"Oh God," Vicki moaned, all but falling into the nearest seat, "Oh god."

Suddenly feeling like he may pass out, John forced himself to remain calm. "Where did they take you? What did they tell her to do?" He choked out.

This time Starr stepped forward. "They had kept Matthew and I in a type of truck all night, but we could hear them as they talked to her. They told her to get in her car and drive to the docks. Then we started moving. The next thing we knew Natalie was opening the van door and we got out but she got in."

Unable to believe his niece had risked her life for his daughter despite all the terrible things he had done, Todd stepped forward. "Did you get a good look at who took you? Do they seem familiar?"

Mathew shook his head. "They always wore masks. But I could tell one was a man, the other was a woman. When they first took us I heard them talking about how this was the way they could get Natalie."

His face now white, John turned to Bo. "It's the stalker Bo, it has to be. When his plan to abduct her on Valentines Day didn't go as planned, he threw this together. We have to find her and fast," John said feeling as if he was about to lose it.

"Wait a minute… someone has been stalking Natalie? How come no one knew about this?" Blair asked worriedly as she pulled her daughter close.

"Natalie didn't want to worry anyone," Vicki whispered softly, her voice sounding like it may break at any second.

Turning his attention to the surrounding officers, Bo spoke up. "Listen up everyone, I need to know if anyone saw Natalie leave the station."

Most of the officers shook their heads, but Officer Davis stepped forward. "I did Sir," he said, his voice slightly trembling. Clearing his throat his faced Bo. "I was coming toward the reception area when I saw her leaving. She was on her cell phone and said she had to get home to Llanfair because her mother was shook up over the kidnapping."

"I came to the station with Natalie, I've been here ever since."

"I wasn't aware of that fact Commissioner so I didn't question it."

"How was she acting? Did she say anything else?" John snapped at the officer.

Davis nodded. "She seemed a little bit shaky, but I assumed it was because of you're fight."

Suddenly confused since they had make up the last time he saw her, John continued to question him. "Fight? What fight?"

Embarrassed, the officer flushed. "I'm sorry sir, I just assumed there had been a fight when she told me to tell you she was sorry and not to take the necklace back."

"Necklace? What necklace?"

"The silver necklace you got her? I don't know, she just said to tell you she was sorry and that you were right, the silver was better and not to take it back."

Taking a few seconds to make sense of the message, it suddenly dawned on him and John rushed into his office. After throwing all the papers off and making sure he was right, he came rushing out his Palm Pilot in hand.

"Bo, it was a code. Natalie was trying to tell us she has the tracker."

"The tracker?" Vicki asked, her voice hopeful.

John nodded and he frantically punched in buttons on the palm pilot. "The watch I gave her for Valentines Day had a tracker in it. Natalie was telling us she was wearing the watch."

"Wait a minute, you put a tracker in her gift? And you say I am possessive?" Todd quipped as he looked over at Blair.

Ignoring him John finally got the file open. "I've got it. I know where she is."


	32. Chapter Thirty One

**Chapter Thirty-One **

Bo looked down at the address that was flashing on the PDA and nodded. "All right, I'll get the tactical team together and brief them." He turned to address all the other officers. "I need as many volunteers as possible on this. Anyone who is in meet us in the conference room in 10 minutes."

"Bo we have to get there now…"

Seeing the fear on John's face, Bo gently put his hand on the younger man's shoulder. "It could be more dangerous if we don't brief the team first. John we are going to get her back…"

Bo turned away and began shouting more orders as he walked toward his office. After taking one last look at Bo's retreating figure, John glanced over at Vicki. Seeing how broken and devastated she looked, and knowing that was how he was feeling on the inside, John made up his mind.

He was going in now, tactical team or not.

When the van stopped Natalie cowered back further into the van, afraid of what awaited her. She didn't have to wait long though, as one of the two figures opened up the door, jumped inside and approached her. Before Natalie even realized what was happening she was grabbed by her hair and whoever it was forcibly tied a blindfold around her eyes.

"What do you want with me?" Natalie managed to keep her voice steady, despite the feeling of terror that was overcoming her. But rather then get an answer, she was pulled roughly to her feet and half dragged from the van.

As she was moved, Natalie tried to stay alert and listen to her surroundings, but there wasn't much to be heard. From the echo her footsteps were making and the feel of wood beneath her Natalie guessed she was in some sort of warehouse, but she wasn't sure until she felt herself being pushed roughly into a chair and tied up.

"Make sure the knots are tight. I know from experience that she has an awful tendency to get out of these situations."

Just the sound of the familiar raspy voice had Natalie's mouth dropping open in shock and her body freezing with horror. It was the voice that to this day still haunted her nightmares and a voice that only death would make her forget.

"Mitch?" Natalie croaked out in disbelief, praying she was imagining things.

But as she was met with the sound of his evil laughter her worst fears were confirmed and Natalie felt the room begin to spin, "You're dead…"

"Darling, haven't you lived in Llanview long enough to realize that no one really dies?" Once again Mitch laughed, "Luckily for us my dear we have another chance at happiness, as my sweet daughter was far too innocent too shoot anywhere that really mattered."

"Obviously the biggest mistake that she'll ever make in her life…" Natalie muttered through a shaky breath.

"As witty and sarcastic as ever, but you know I have always admired that trait in you," Walking over toward her, Mitch ran a hand up Natalie's arm and smiled as she jerked away. "That feistiness will sure come in handy once we finally get that chance to consummate that marriage."

Natalie felt as if she was going to be sick, "You perverted bastard," she managed to snap.

"My darling, Natalie, you should really watch your mouth or else you may find yourself meeting the same fate as your sister, and I can assure you the plans I have for you are much more enjoyable."

"What the hell do you mean by that? What have you done to my sister?"

Once again Mitch just laughed, then walking over he tore the blindfold from Natalie's face, "See for yourself," he said as he pointed across the warehouse to a robotic looking Jessica. So overcome with concern for her sister, all thoughts of an escape and plans to remain clam flew from Natalie's mind as she looked desperately at her twin. "Jessica? Jess are you okay?'

But there was no response from her sister; instead Jessica just stared straight ahead blankly.

"What the hell did you do to her? I swear if you hurt her I am going to…"

"Going to what?" Mitch meanly grinned down at her, "Goring to kill me? Hurt me? Have me arrested? No, my dear, I don't think your going to be doing any of those. But you can rest assured I did not hurt your sister, well at least not physically. Actually Natalie, I am quite appalled that you think so low of me that you could imagine me harming my own daughter."

"Jess?" Natalie tried once more.

Turning away from her, Mitch faced Jessica. "Would you please tell our guest who you are?"

"Certainly Father," Jessica replied her voice monotone, "I am Michelle Laurence. Not Jessica Buchanan." Now smiling widely, Mitch walked over and patted her on the head. "Good girl." Quickly he turned back to Natalie, "So you see my dear, your sister is no where to be found. Once again it's just me and you."

By breaking almost every single traffic law on the books, John was able to make it to the industrial district in less than fifteen minutes. Putting on hand on his gun, he frantically looked down at his palm pilot.

The signal appeared to be coming from the warehouse in front of him, but the unit was massive. Knowing that he needed back-up and fast, John leaned into his car and radioed the station.

"Bo it's John, what's your ETA?" Bo however, ignored the question and started to yell.

"John, do not go into that warehouse until we get there. This is a direct order from your commanding officer. We are leaving the station right now and should be there in twenty minutes."

Glancing down at the tracker and then back at the building, John shook his head. "I'm sorry Bo but I can't do that. I'm going in." Ignoring Bo's protests that were coming over the radio, John shut the car door and ran toward the building.

He just hoped he wasn't too late.


	33. Chapter Thirty Two

**Chapter Thirty-Two **

"You won't get away with this!" Natalie cried out as she looked helplessly between Mitch and 'Michelle' who were huddled together in the corner talking in whispered tones.

Mitch just laughed and took a step toward her, "Oh no? And who's going to stop me? Lieutenant McBain?" When Natalie remained silent, Mitch took that as his cue to continue. "Trust me my dear; I have my own set of plans for the Lieutenant. You see, although I was never all that close to my dear brother Flynn, he was still my brother. I'm sure you remember what happened to him, in fact from what I understand you were there. Tell me, do you think my brother suffered much when Lieutenant McBain forced him off the road and into the water where he drowned? Oh, but wait, you wouldn't know because you were too busy worrying about your husband." Mitch sighed softly. "Natalie I will never understand how you can allow yourself to be touched by the man who helped murder your husband. Is your self-esteem really that low?"

"Your mind games aren't going to work on me anymore. Mitch. I'm stronger then I used to be."

Mitch nodded. "Yes, it certainly seems as if you are. But, that won't be a problem once we are done here."

Hoping that by now John had figured out she was wearing the watch, Natalie knew she had to waste time and keep him talking. "Why didn't you just come after me when you had the chance? Why drag it out with all the notes and photos?"

"Because it's the hunt which is the most fun. You see Natalie, I have been watching you for years just waiting for the perfect opportunity to step and in put my plan into motion. And when you lost the baby everything fell into place. You took off, and John was left alone. All of the pieces were finally in place for the game to begin. The Lieutenant is highly predictable, I knew by watching you and sending him the photos it would enrage him, make him need to protect you, whether you wanted it or not. I knew he would find you and bring you back to Llanview, and I knew that by continuing to torment the two of you, it would draw you back together."

"So, you decided to become matchmaker?" she said dryly partly annoyed at herself for being so predictable.

Ignoring her tone, Mitch continued. "In your life Natalie, I am the god. I decided what family you got put into and I was the one who arranged for you to find out the truth and head to Llanview. In order for me to destroy, I need to create. So, I created your relationship with John McBain. I pushed the two of you together so that when the time came the destruction would be phenomenal."

"But you failed, you never destroyed us."

A quick flash of anger came over Mitch's face, but within seconds was gone and replaced with his usual calm demeanor. "I did not fail, I underestimated. But without wasting time I set another plan into motion. And this one will be far better then anything I could have hoped for."

"You're nothing but a monster." Natalie snapped unable to control herself, but within seconds Michelle flew at her and slapped her fiercely across the face.

"Do not speak to my father that way," she demanded as she raised her arm ready to strike once more.

Mitch calmly went over and pulled Michelle away from Natalie. "Sweetheart you can not hurt my soon to be wife like that."

Horrified, Natalie's face went white and she began to shake. "I will never marry you," she screamed, "You will have to kill me first."

Mitch's eyes lit up in excitement as he went over and kneeled in front of Natalie. "Never say never my darling. By the time we are done here you will be ready to become my dutiful wife. We will be married, consummate our relationship and you will bear my children. Once we leave this warehouse, the three of us will be a family." Standing up, Mitch smirked down at her. "And the added bonus is that Lieutenant McBain will have to spend the rest of his life witnessing the entire thing and remain powerless to do anything about it."

Turning away from Natalie, Mitch faced Michelle, "You know what to do." Without another glance, he strode toward the door and left the two sisters alone.

Staring over at her sister, Natalie took a few deep breaths trying to clam herself. Remembering how Haver had been able to brainwash Jessica, and her recent battle with DID, Natalie wasn't sure what to expect and knew she needed to tread carefully.

"How long has been going on?" she began cautiously wanting to see what she was up against.

Rolling her eyes, Michelle walked over to the side of the room and grabbed a CD player. "Mitch is my father, I do anything he asks."

"Even kill for him?"

"If my father asks I will."

"So, Mitch was the one that killed Ginger?" Natalie asked, needing to know what Jessica had been forced to do.

"Yes. But enough talking, we need to get to work," Michelle said as she crouched down and pulled in the CD player. Remembering how Mitch tended to use music as a method of brainwashing, Natalie knew she needed to act fact before Mitch came back and began the procedure.

"Jessica, this isn't you. You are stronger than this, you need to fight it, come back to me. Mom, Dad, Nash, they are all waiting at home for you…"

Michelle shook her head. "You are wasting your breath."

"Jessica, don't do this," Natalie's voice started to waver as she pleaded with her sister.

"I AM NOT JESSICA," the other woman yelled as she stood up. "I am Michelle, not Jessica, not Tess, but Michelle and the sooner you start to realize this, the better off you'll be."

"You may not be my sister, but I know Jessica is in there somewhere and that she can

hear me…. I know who this whole split personality thing works."

Michelle just laughed evilly. "Jessica is gone Natalie, and no matter what you say she's never coming back."

Natalie knew she couldn't give up, she needed to at least try and reach her sister. "When I arrived in Llanview I wasn't just angry. I may have acted all tough, but inside I felt hurt and unloved. I never had what you had Jess… I never had the father who doted on me, or the mother who read me bedtime stories. Yeah, I had a brother who I loved, but unlike you he was taken from me. I was always alone and always had to fend for myself."

"You can save the sob story," Michelle replied coolly.

"No, I don't care what you say, I know that Jessica is in there somewhere and she needs to hear this. I hated you, it was stupid and childish and I am ashamed of it, but I did. I looked at you as the person who had taken it all from me, the reason I had such a terrible life. Then I found out you were my twin. God, I can not even begin to describe how I felt that day. I had spent my life feeling as if something were missing, feeling as if I as all alone but it turned out I wasn't, I had never been alone. I had always had you."

Michelle's hands started to waver, so Natalie pressed on.

"Don't you get it Jess? You have always been a part of me, we have a connection deeper then anything we have with Mom or Dad, stronger then anything you have with Nash or I have with John, something that's just between us. And I know you are in there somewhere, and I know you can hear me. Jessica, I need you. I really need you."

"Stop it. Stop it. She's not here, stop it." Michelle's voice was frantic and she began to clutch her head.

"I guess you know about the baby now, too. You don't know how much I wished I could go to you because I knew out of everyone you would understand. But, you had enough going on with being integrated so I just took off. I can't begin to tell you how many times I picked up the phone and started to call, just needing your reassurance that everything would be okay."

"Shut Up!"

But Natalie could see she was getting to her and pressed on. "I needed to hear that I would get through this, just like you got through losing Megan. Everyone says I am the strong twin, but that's not true. That miscarriage nearly destroyed me Jess, but you also lost a baby and you were able to move on. But even through I never did end up calling, I thought of how strong you were and knew I could get over this. Don't you see, I survived because of you."

Suddenly the icy demeanor on Jessica's face faded and was replaced with one of confusion. "Natalie? Oh God, Natalie? Where are we? What are we doing here?" Jessica clutched her head and cried out in pain. "What's happening to me? So many awful images."

"Jessica, you need to focus." Natalie began knowing she needed to remain calm for both their sakes. "Jessica," she said forcefully managing to get her twins attention, "You need to untie me before he gets back."

Crossing the room Jessica began to undo the knots but suddenly stopped when she heard a noise. "Is that what I think it is?" she said, panic evident in her voice.

Glancing over at the door, Natalie watched as the knob began to turn. "Someone's coming. Hurry Jessica." But fear had set in and Jessica just froze.

Knowing there was nothing else she could do, Natalie watched helplessly as the door was slowly pushed open.


	34. Chapter Thirty Three

**Chapter Thirty-Three **

Holding her breath, Natalie watched frozen in fear as the door swung open, but upon seeing the person who entered, she breathed in a sigh of relief. "John!"

"Natalie!" Letting the gun fall to his side, John began to rush toward her, but stopped suddenly when he noticed Jessica cowering behind her sister. "Jessica?" the confusion was evident in his voice as he stood staring between the two sisters.

"There's no time to explain, we have to get out of here before Mitch comes back." Natalie said as she started to frantically move her hands hoping the knots would come undone.

"Mitch?" Jessica's voice was panic stricken, "How can that be? I killed him, he's dead."

Seeing that her sister was on the verge of hysterics, Natalie turned away from John and faced her twin. "Jessica, we don't have time for this. You need to be strong."

"Can someone please explain what's going on? You don't mean Mitch Laurence do you?" John's mind was racing as he tried to make sense of it all.

Natalie looked back at John. "Yes. Mitch had been stalking us; he's also been using Jessica. He's managed to program her into creating another alter named Michelle, and he's been controlling her. John we don't have much time, we need to get out of here."

Nodding, Jessica finally snapped out of her terror and began to work on the knots that were binding Natalie. But just as they came undone, footsteps began echoing out in the hallway and the three of them looked over at the door in concern.

"He's carrying a gun John and he won't hesitate to shoot. Mitch isn't like Haver or Hayes, as sick as he is and as much as he wants to torment us, he won't risk himself." Natalie whispered worriedly as she went over and helped a slightly-shaking Jessica to her feet. "What are we going to do?"

Just as he opened his mouth to speak Jessica turned toward Natalie with a look of determination on her face. "You need to hit me."

"What?" Natalie glanced skeptically at Jessica. "Why would I hit you?"

"You need to make it look like you overpowered me. John give me your gun." John also turned and looked at her in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"You said it yourself Natalie, he's programmed me to do what he wants. If he comes in here and sees us together he'll know I broke out of his control and he'll try to draw me back in. I can't go back there. You need to give me the gun, and hit me so that when he gets in here he thinks you overpowered me and are escaping. But we need to hurry!"

Hearing the footsteps that were fast approaching, John stared down at Natalie. He didn't like this plan one bit, but knew it could be their only chance. "Natalie?" he said hesitantly, his eyes asking the unspoken question of, 'can we trust her?'

Glancing between her boyfriend and sister, Natalie finally nodded, "give her the gun." She watched as Jessica took John's gun and waited until it was safely placed in the pocket of her overcoat before drawing her arm back and striking Jessica across the face. "I trust Jessica with my life."

Jessica had just hit the floor when the door swung open and Mitch walked into the room.

Jumping out of his car, Bo ran over to the officer who had been first on the scene. "Anything?"

But the younger man shook his head. "Nothing, Commissioner. Since it's a Saturday most of the surrounding buildings are empty, but I did evacuate the few people that were in there."

"Have you seen anyone around the windows of the warehouse?"

"No."

Bo sighed and turned toward the warehouse. As they were unsure as to who or what they were up against, Bo knew his team had to be careful, but at same time a part of him wanted to rush in after his niece himself. Not only was Natalie like a daughter to him but she had selflessly exchanged herself in order to save his son, an act which Bo knew he could never repay. Taking a few deep breaths, he turned back to his team.

"O'Ryan, what have we learned about the warehouse?"

Stepping forward the officer laid the blue prints over the hood of his car. "It used to be the offices of a construction company so there are about 20 rooms inside. It had been vacant for the past two years, but was rented out four months ago under the name 'Lazarus'."

Bo's eye's widened in shock. "Michael Lazarus?"

O'Ryan nodded. "Yeah. The home address listed for him is bogus…" the officer trailed off when Bo held up his hand to stop him.

Pulling out his cell phone, Bo quickly dialed Llanfair and waiting anxiously for someone to answer. Finally, Nash picked up the phone, "Hello?"

"Nash it's Bo, listen is Jessica there?"

"No… I haven't seen her since yesterday; she said there was an emergency at the banner she needed to take care of. Why is everything okay?"

"I need to talk to Clint."

Within seconds his brothers voice came on the line, "Bo, what's going on? Have you found Natalie yet?"

Bo took another steadying breath and turned away from the team of officers that were now staring at him. "No, but Clint… it looks like Mitch Laurence is back and I think he might have Jessica too."


	35. Chapter Thirty Four

**Chapter Thirty-Four **

His gun drawn, Mitch looked angrily between John and Natalie but finally went over to stand beside John. "Where is your gun?" he demanded aiming the gun at Natalie's head.

Thankful that he had thought enough to grab his ankle holster, John put his leg out. "On the ankle."

Still aiming the gun, Mitch leaned over and grabbed the weapon from John's leg and pocketed it. "On the floor, both of you," he shouted.

Knowing they had no chance but to do so, they both John and Natalie lay down on the floor and watched as Mitch went over to Jessica. "Michelle?" his voice became soft, and he used one hand to brush the hair from her face. "Are you all right?"

Groaning in exaggerated pain, Jessica sat up and began rubbing the side of her face. "The bitch hit me."

Satisfied that all was well with his daughter, Mitch nodded and patted Jessica's shoulder. "Don't worry my child, she will be taught a lesson for her actions."

Standing up, he moved back over to John and Natalie and peered down at them. "Well, Lieutenant McBain your arrival is quite a surprise. I have to ask, how did you manage to find us?"

When John remained silent, Mitch moved closer and pointed the gun at Natalie's leg. "Answer the question or I will shoot her."

"I put a tracking device on her." John mumbled knowing he had no choice but to do as the other man asked.

Throwing his head back, Mitch erupted in peals of laughter. "Well, then, I have to admit I underestimated your capabilities. Never entertained the possibility that you would be that possessive, but then again I remember what trouble this one can be. Oh, but she's well worth it wouldn't you say?" he asked as he glanced appreciatively over Natalie's body. "We haven't been properly introduced; I am Mitch Laurence, Natalie's husband."

"From what I understand she annulled your sorry ass." John snapped hating the way Mitch's was looking at Natalie. It was taking all his self control not to jump up and try and take the guy himself.

Mitch sighed. "Yes, legally that married was dissolved but I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that Natalie Buchanan belongs to me."

"Like hell she does…"

Laughing, Mitch crouched down so he was in front of Natalie. "My dear, didn't you get a chance to fill the Lieutenant in on our plans of living happily ever after? Or did you think because your boyfriend arrived you were saved? Well, sorry to disappoint you both but the Lieutenant's arrival only makes my plan so much sweeter. Not only will he get to see the end results, but he can watch the entire process!"

"You have some sort of issue with me, Mitch? Then why not let Natalie go and we can deal with it?"

"You are quite right, John." Mitch all but spat out his name, "I do have a problem with you since you were responsible for the death of my brother, but I will deal with that all in good time. As for Natalie, well, she's not going anywhere."

"Flynn was just as pathetic as you are, I did a deed for humanity by getting rid of that loser."

Seeing that John was trying to bait Mitch into losing it, Natalie glanced over at Jessica. Noticing that her twin was just starting to rise to her feet and move into position, Natalie decided to jump as she wanted to make sure Jessica managed to get the perfect shot. "Why involve Jessica?"

"I don't want to hear that name ever again - Jessica has been destroyed." His voice was angry, but he appeared calmer then he was when John had been baiting him. "Jessica Buchanan is no more my daughter then you are. Vicki and Clint have had too much influence over her." Mitch let out a small chuckle. "And she even managed to inherit her mother's multiple personalities. No, Jessica is not at all my daughter, but Michelle? Michelle is everything she is not. Strong, respectful, doting, unfeeling. Her purpose has always been to serve me and that's how it will always be. Right Michelle?"

Forcing herself to hide her feelings of disgust, Jessica kept her voice steady. "Right father."

"As much as I would love for the three of us to continue our little chat, I believe it is time to go. As much as I may have underestimated the Lieutenant here, I highly doubt he was stupid enough not to call for back up. It's time for us to move. Both of you get up right now!"

Glancing over at Jessica, John gave a quick nod and the room erupted into chaos. As the gunshots rang out, John threw himself at Natalie and shielded her body with his own.

"Tactical are you guys in position inside the building?" Bo yelled out over the two way radio he was holding.

"Yes sir, we are…"

BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG."

Gripping the radio tightly in his hands, Bo began to shout into it, "Tactical team do you copy? Tactical team what is your status?"

Throwing down the radio he motioned to the other officers standing around. "All men inside that building now!"

As he took off after his men, Bo's mind was racing. He had been on the job long enough to know those were gunshots.

He just hoped he wasn't too late.


	36. Chapter Thirty Five

**Chapter Thirty-Five **

Seconds after the gunshots rang out, the door to the warehouse was busted down and the Llanview Police Department Tactical team stormed in. "Lieutenant McBain are you all right?" one of the officers yelled out.

"Yeah," John replied as he slowly began to rise to his feet. "Natalie, are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, but Jess? Is Jessica okay?" Natalie called out, but when she didn't hear a response from her sister she also began to stand up. "Jessica?"

"I killed him…" came her twin's soft reply. Now on her feet, Natalie limped over to Jessica and put her arm around her. "Davis can you bag this gun please?" John called out as he also made his way over to a shaking Jessica.

"I killed him Natalie," Jessica repeated her eyes focused on Mitch's unmoving body, "I actually killed him.."

Once Davis had safely taken the gun from Jessica's shaking hands, Natalie pulled her sister into a hug that blocked her view of Mitch. "It's okay Jess, it's over now."

"Natalie! Jess!" The relieved voice of Bo rang out as he rushed into the room. "Are you girls okay?"

"Yeah we're fine Uncle Bo." Seeing that Mitch's body had been covered by the officers on scene, Natalie let go of her sister and helped her walk towards their uncle. "We need to get Jessica to the hospital."

Bo's brow furrowed in concern as he looked over his niece. "Jess are you hurt?"

Still in a state of shock, Jessica stared straight ahead and remained silent. "Mitch has been using Jessica all these months. He managed to brainwash her into creating another alter named Michelle."

"How is this possible? I thought Jess had been integrated…"

Natalie shrugged. "I think he may have used some sort of music like Haver did, from what I understood he planed to do the same with me."

A dark glint came into Bo's face as he looked over at the now covered body. "Thank God that bastard is finally dead. Natalie are you sure you're okay?" When she nodded, Bo took a moment to study her face before wrapping a protective arm around Jessica. "I'll drive here there myself."

Once her uncle and sister had left the room Natalie took a few calming breaths, then walked over to where John was gathered with some of the other officers. She let him finish barking out orders then put a hard on his arm. "John, your arm is bleeding; you should really let the EMT's check you out…"

"The bullet just grazed me." Leading Natalie over to the side of the room, John pulled her into a tight hug. "Are you really okay?" he whispered softly into her ear.

But just the sound of his voice had her control start to fade. "I can't be here, John." Realizing that she was about to break down and didn't want to do so in front of all the other officers, John nodded. "Let's go,"

"But the scene… you need to be here," she weakly protested, but John ignored her.

"O'Ryan, you're in charge of processing the scene. Call Bo if you run into any problems." Oblivious to the startled looks of the officers around him, John wrapped an arm around Natalie and led her out of the warehouse and toward his car.

"I need to call mom and make sure Jessica is okay," Natalie said as she entered the cottage. Their drive back home had been spent in silence, as John knew she needed some time and didn't want to push her.

"I'm going to head upstairs and clean up my arm."

Offering him a weak smile, Natalie made her way over to the couch and lifted up the phone. The conversation was short, most of which Natalie spent reassuring her mother that she was fine and there was no need for her to come over. It wasn't until she promised that she would head over to Llanfair in the morning that Vicki relented and agreed to stay away.

The truth was that as much as Natalie loved her family, she just couldn't deal with them right now. Seeing Mitch again had brought out all of the dark thoughts and memories of her past that she had worked so hard to burry.

The tears were just starting to fall when John came back downstairs. Seeing that she was starting to break he went over and drew her into a tight embrace. "Shhhh, everything is okay, you're safe."

But to Natalie, everything wasn't fine. "How can you even look at me or touch me…" Natalie choked out as she tried to push away from him, "I was married to that monster. How could I have been so stupid?" she cried.

Only knowing what he had read in the official FBI folder before meeting her, John chose his words carefully, "You were young Natalie, and Mitch was very manipulative."

She let out a bitter laugh through her tears, "And that's an excuse? God, John, people get drunk and make fools of themselves when they're young or have a one night stand that they regret, they don't go around marrying homicidal maniacs."

"Everyone makes mistakes Natalie, no one is perfect. Look at me, I pretty much put a target on Caitlyn's back when I did that press conference about the White Rose killer. Yes, you married Mitch, but you didn't know what he was like. He used you, he played on your insecurities," John pulled her to him and stroked her hair. "You can't blame yourself for what he did."

"I wish I had killed him myself. This was the man that kidnapped me, and kept me away from my family for over twenty-two years." Natalie began to sob openly, "Oh God, John, the things… things he had planned for us….if… if… if you hadn't gotten there when you did… If you hadn't gotten the message about the tracker…. I.. I… don't know what would have happened."

"You did good leaving me that clue. Do you want to talk about what happened before I got there?" he gently asked as he brushed tears from her eyes.

Nodding, Natalie took a few deep breaths and once her sobs began to subside she began to tell him everything that had happened, from finding out Jessica was involved, to Mitch's plans to brainwash her and have John watch as they lived their life together. Once she was done, Natalie's face was blank and John's jaw was clenched tight with anger.

"I wish I could have had the chance to get my hands on that son of a bitch," he snapped now unable to control his anger.

"Weren't you the one that just told me it was all over?" Natalie replied dryly as she tried to force a weak smile.

Seeing how drained and exhausted she looked, John's felt his anger dull and he pulled her into his arms and held her for a second, thankful for both their safety. Finally he broke away and stood up. Taking her hand in his he gently pulled her to her feet and smiled down at her. "Let's just put this day behind us," he said softly as he began to lead her toward their bedroom.

And for the first time in forty-eight hours Natalie finally felt herself begin to relax as she knew that no matter what they would face whatever came their way together as they had tonight.


	37. Chapter Thirty Six

**Chapter Thirty-Six **

It was nearly a month after the whole Mitch fiasco and things in Llanview were finally starting to get back to normal. With the help of John, Natalie had managed to rebury all the painful memories and move on with her life. Natalie had even managed to finish all her classes and was looking forward to her graduation. The new woman's shelter/community center was almost completed and Natalie was keeping busy with all the last minute problems that kept popping up. It would only be a matter of weeks before they would be open for business and Natalie couldn't wait. Jessica's road to recovery, however, was a little bit harder as Mitch's brainwashing had really done a number on both her mental and emotional state. But after a two week stay at the hospital, and the combined support of her Doctors, family and Nash, Jessica was doing a lot better and also starting to move on.

John and Natalie's relationship was now stronger then ever as this time there were no secrets, lies or people coming between them and it finally seemed like everything was falling into place for them. Unfortunately, because of Natalie efforts to finish school and John having to work on the cases that had been on the back burner during the whole stalker mess, they hadn't had a lot of time for themselves. So, in order to rectify that they had both taken the night off and made plans to meet at Rodi's for dinner.

"Do you know I can't even remember the last time we played pool?" Natalie mused as she dipped one of her fries in the pile of mustard at was in the corner of her plate. John made a face as he watched her pop the fry into her mouth. "I'm up for a game now if it means getting away from that disgusting combination."

Rolling her eyes, Natalie dipped one more fry in the mustard and ate it before pushing herself away from the table and on to her feet. "You McBain brothers and your food hang ups," she muttered as they made their way to the pool table.

John just shook his head and began racking up the balls. Once they were all ready, he turned toward her and fixed her with a suggestive smile. "Let's make this game a bit interesting. Every time the other sinks a ball they get to ask the other person a question and that person has to answer no matter how embarrassing or personal."

With an eyebrow raised Natalie gestured around Rodi's. "We're in public John."

"Not everything has to be sexual," he said his voice low.

Just hearing him use that deep whisper caused desire to stir in Natalie, but she pushed it away. "All right, I'll break."

After taking her shot and sending balls flying everywhere, including one into a side pocket, Natalie grinned. "Okay, what's your one irrational fear?"

"I don't have one," John replied too quickly. But Natalie just laughed.

"Oh that response was too quick. Come on John, you wanted to play this."

Sighing, John walked over to her and whispered "Roller coasters" into her ear.

"Roller coasters? You deal with guns and criminals all day and you're scared of roller coasters?" she said unable to keep the shock and amusement out of her voice.

"Keep it down," John said looking and around only to find Michael and Marcie looking over at them with amused smiles on their faces. Great, now he had just given his brother something else to tease him with. "Yeah, they've always bothered me but we can drop this. Take your shot."

Biting back a few more comments and her laughter, Natalie took the shot and sunk another ball. "Hmmm, okay what's your biggest regret?"

John raised an eyebrow and gave her a serious look. "I'm sure you know the answer to that…"

Natalie shook her head. "Nope," but when John remained silent she relented. "The press conference that pissed off Haver?" she asked softly.

"At one time that was my biggest regret but recently it became all the things I put you though."

Natalie moved over toward him, and kissed him softly. "All that is behind up now," she said with a smile before going back over to the table. But suddenly interested in what John would come up with, Natalie hastily lined up her shot and purposely missed. She forced herself to look annoyed as John smiled and leaned into the pool table, a look of total concentration on his face. Sinking two balls, he stood up. "What's the one place you already dreamed of traveling too?"

Natalie glanced down sheepishly. "Disney World"

John couldn't help the complete look of shock that came over his face. "Disney world?" he repeated slowly.

"I know it's stupid," she sighed, "but when I was growing up Florida was _the_ place for vacation. Every September when school started the teacher would always ask, "What did you do on your summer vacation?" and every time at least five kids would get really excited and tell the whole class about seeing Mickey and Minnie mouse, and going on all the cool rides like Splash mountain." Natalie laughed warily, "Growing up it always seemed like Disney World was the one thing that separated me from the rest of them and I thought that if maybe I went there, I wouldn't be so different than them."

John nodded, knowing it was hard for Natalie to talk about her childhood. "I promise one day I will take you to Disney World, but I'm telling you now, your not going to get me on any roller coasters."

Natalie laughed, haven been broken out of the sad memories of her childhood. "What about the Tower of Terror? It's not a roller coaster, so do you think I can get you on that?"

"I'm not making any promises, he replied with a small smile as he took his next shot and once again sunk a ball. Unsure of what to ask as his next question, John stood up and looked over at Natalie who was staring at him expectantly.

"Well?"

Just seeing her standing there with a pool cue in hand and her head tilted to the side, John once again realized how lucky he was. They had been through a lot together, but yet here they were back at the pool table, happier then ever. His next question just came to him and before he even realized when he was doing, the words were out of his mouth. "Will you marry me?"

Natalie's pool cue went crashing to the ground as she stared at him with wide eyes, "What?"

Placing his cue on the table, John went over to her and took his hands in his. "I know that this isn't exactly the time or the place and I know it's not exactly the romantic type of proposal with flowers and candlelight. To be honest, this is as unexpected to me as it is to you, but I don't want to waste any more time being apart. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Going down on one knee, John looked up at her with a hopeful expression. "So, Natalie Buchanan, will you marry me?"

"Yes, Yes I'll marry you!" Natalie cried happily before throwing herself into his arms and kissing him passionately.

Having observed the entire exchange from their nearby table, Michael and Marcie stood up and began clapping. Soon the rest of the Rodi's patron's were on their feet clapping and whistling at the couple. But, both John and Natalie remained oblivious to their audience as they enjoyed their moment.


	38. Chapter Thity Seven

**Chapter Thirty-Seven **

Only a few weeks had passed since John and Natalie had gotten engaged, but it seemed like all anyone was talking about was plans for their wedding. John had gone to the local jewelry store and picked out a simple three stone engagement ring the day after proposing and presented it to Natalie the following morning over breakfast. And since then, all of Natalie's days off work had been spent being dragged into bridal shops, florists and bakeries by Vicki and Jessica and John noticed that each time he came home there were more and more flyers and samples taking up the living room. But, being a typical guy he just stayed out of it and continued to assure Natalie that whatever she chose would be fine with him. And he meant it too, as he wanted Natalie to have the wedding of her dreams.

The Community center/ Woman's shelter had successfully opened, and Natalie loved her new job. It was tough at times, and often emotional having to see so many battered women and children, but she took pleasure in knowing how much she was helping them. However, as much as she loved it, it was hard work.

That Friday was especially tough as they had five more women show up, one of which needed medical attention. Natalie's morning had been spent dealing with that, and it was nearly noon before she managed to get back to her desk. She was just starting to get organized and into some of the paper work when the phone on her desk rang.

"My I please speak to Natalie Buchanan?" An elegant voice politely asked once Natalie had picked up the phone.

"This Natalie, how may I help you?"

"Good Afternoon Ms. Buchanan, this is Cynthia Price, the wedding planner that has been hired to help with your wedding. I am so sorry you were unable to make the meeting yesterday."

"Oh, hi," Natalie replied still slightly distracted as she thumbed through the files that had amounted on her desk.

"I'm calling because I have looked into all the things your mother and sister suggested at lunch yesterday and wanted to make sure you wanted me to go ahead with them."

Natalie remembered Jessica mentioning something about meeting with the wedding planner, but things had become hectic at the center and she had unable to get away and told them to just go on without her. "Uh huh."

"Okay, well I spoke to your grandmother this morning about the Palace, and she said that they could easily accommodate the fifteen piece string orchestra as long as your guest list stays at 300 people, and doesn't go any higher then that. And while we are on the topic of the reception, the menu had been confirmed and includes the first course of oysters and caviar, the second course of the salad, and the main course of the filet mignon covered in a green peppercorn sauce."

'_Fifteen piece string Orchestra? 300 people? Caviar? Green sauce?'_ The wedding planner now had Natalie's full attention as she dropped the file and opened her mouth to speak, but the other woman rushed on.

"Now, your sister mentioned something about your fiancé being a little more down to earth, so if he's uncomfortable with the horse drawn carriage, it's not too late to look into something more conventional like a white convertible. And finally, the love doves. Would you like them released outside the church after the ceremony or from the terrace at the Palace during the reception?"

Suddenly feeling as is she was trapped in some sort of nightmare, Natalie couldn't take it anymore. "No, No, No!" she snapped unable to control her self.

"You no longer want the doves?" The other woman asked oblivious to Natalie's frustration.

Taking a few deep breaths, Natalie forced herself to remain calm. "Ms. Price, I know how much hard work you have gone too, but unfortunately I will no longer be needing your services. I can assure you that I will make sure you are sent a check to cover all your effort and I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you." Without allowing the other woman to get another word in, Natalie hung up the phone suddenly feeling a lot better then she had in weeks. Closing all her files and pushing them to the side of her desk, Natalie stood up and grabbed her purse.

In all her work at the center she had let things go too far and it was finally clear what she needed to do.

John glanced up from the file he was examining when Natalie burst through his door. Seeing the look of sheer determination on her face, John inwardly groaned knowing firsthand how dangerous that look could be.

"What's up?" The words were barely out of his mouth when Natalie burst out,

"I want to elope."

"What?"

"Let's just take off to Vegas," but as she remembered her last trip to Nevada Natalie paused for a second and then shook her head, "no not Vegas, but AC. Lets just drive down to AC and get married on the boardwalk."

"Natalie, we've already started to plan everything…"

"It doesn't matter because I just fired our wedding planner."

"We had a wedding planner?" John asked unable to keep the surprise out of his voice.

"Yeah, it was news to me too. But she's gone now so we are free to go and elope."

John would have burst out laughing at the absurdity of the conversation if Natalie hadn't looked so serious and determined. "Natalie's we can't do that. We have the Church and the Palace booked and the invitations have gone out…"

"So? Blair and Todd have called off weddings on the day of."

"Do we really want to be compared to them?" he asked dryly.

Suddenly Natalie plopped down on his couch looking defeated, "Why are we doing this John? Why are we planning this big wedding?"

A little bit concerned as to where this was going, John stood up and went over to sit beside her. "Because we want to get married…"

"But it's not us. Both of us only go to church for Christmas and other weddings. You hate wearing a tuxedo or a tie, and I hate getting all dolled up with updo's. We both hate champagne, we're both not huge fans of the Palace and neither of us eat caviar or those canapé things. And I hate orchestra music, and we don't know 300 people, and the idea of a horse drawn carriage is insane, and doves? Do we really want doves?" Natalie's voice was rising in panic. "So, why are we doing this?"

Though slightly confused what doves and horses had to do with it, John just smiled at her. She did have a point, as none of that stuff was them, but he knew eloping wasn't the solution. "It's our wedding Natalie, your parents, my mom, Mike, Jess; they all want to be there. We can't take that away from them."

Natalie went silent for a few seconds as she thought about what he was saying. Finally she nodded, "I know, but it is our wedding… the thing we have planned isn't us at all."

"Then we maybe we should start over and plan something that's a little more like us. You said you fired the wedding planner right? Well, that's a start." John said as he pulled her into a reassuring embrace. "It's all going to work out fine, Natalie, and before we know it we'll be married."

Natalie sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry, I've just been so stressed out about the shelter I let my mom and Jess get too involved but that's stopping. As of right now it's going to be what we want."

"Good…" John began but stopped when he noticed Natalie's face suddenly light up. "What?" he asked hesitantly, unsure of what it would be this time.

"Rodi's!" she happily exclaimed.

"Rodi's?" he repeated, a little unsure of what she meant.

"Let's get married at Rodi's."

John looked at her in disbelief. "You want to get married in a bar?"

"Why not? Rodi's is the one place in Llanview that's not only special _to_ us, but _is_ us. How many times have we eaten there? Played pool there? Fought there?" she said lightly. "Rodi's is where we became friends, it's where we had our first kiss, our first date, got engaged…"

"You know I am fine with anything, but are you sure about this Natalie? I mean most women have this whole dream wedding planned out from the time they are 13, and I wouldn't want to take that away from you."

Natalie laughed. "John, I was never the type of girl who planned out a wedding, I was more the one who said 'I am never getting married.' I had the big church wedding and it was nice but it wasn't me. Plus, it means we can push the wedding up too and get married at the end of the month rather then at the end of summer!"

More then a little relieved as this was more his style then the Palace, John smiled. "Rodi's sounds great."

Suddenly feeling as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, Natalie placed a quick kiss on his lips then jumped to her feet. "I'm going to go talk to Mac now and see what day he has open. Then I have to go and break the news to my mom and Jess that their wedding plans are going to be put on hold until Jessica decides to get married."

Enjoying her apparent excitement, John stood up and whispered "I can't wait to marry you," before drawing her in for a passionate kiss.


	39. Chapter Thirty Eight

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

'_It's finally happening,'_ Natalie whispered softly to herself as she stood in front of the full length mirror and put a hand on her stomach to calm her nerves. After two crazy weeks of planning and shopping, the day of the wedding had finally arrived. Her morning had been beyond hectic with hair and make-up appointments, getting dressed, and then the hundreds of photos that had been taken at Llanfair with her and her family, but now she was alone.

Mac had let her use his back office as a dressing area and Natalie found herself grateful for the lock on the door as she needed a few minutes to herself. She was very nervous, but not because of the wedding. In fact, for that Natalie was excited. This was what she and John had been working toward for years and, finally, despite everything they had made it. Taking a deep breath, she ran her hands along her sides, smoothing away the few creases that had appeared on her dress. Rather than go for something overly fancy, Natalie had opted for a simple but elegant looking A-line dress that was strapless and made out of silk with just a touch of embroidery and beads on the bodice. She had also decided against wearing a veil or having an updo and just left her red hair flowing straight around her shoulders as it normally did.

A quiet tapping on the door broke Natalie from her thoughts as she crossed the room. "Who is it?" she asked, wanting to make sure it wasn't John. Although she usually laughed at superstition, Natalie knew with all that they had been through a little extra caution couldn't hurt.

"It's Eve, Roxy and me," Vicki's voice rang out from the other side.

Unlocking the door, Natalie allowed them to enter before closing it behind them. She turned back toward them and saw as Eve gasped and raised a tissue to her eyes. "Oh Natalie, you look absolutely gorgeous."

Slightly blushing, Natalie managed a small smile. "Thanks, Eve, you look amazing too."

"I have something for you," Eve began as she opened up her purse and took out a rectangular shaped box.

"Eve, you didn't have to…"

Eve shushed her. "On the day of our wedding Thomas's mother came in and gave me this Celtic cross. She told me that it had been in the family for hundreds of years and is always passed down to the first daughter-in-law. It's yours now, Natalie." Eve opened the box to show the beautiful (gold or silver?) cross and carefully lifted it from its place. Going around, she put the cross around Natalie's neck and clasped it.

"Oh it's beautiful. Thank you Eve."

Eve smiled at her as tears began to form in the corners of her eyes. "I know how much Thomas would have loved you." She pulled Natalie into a tight embrace and whispered "Welcome to the family."

Natalie felt her own set of tears begin to form, but she quickly blinked them away as Roxy stepped forward. "I know I was never the best Momma to you Natty, but you managed to become a beautiful, kind, loving woman and you even forgave me for all the stupid mistakes I made. I may not be you biologyical mother but I am proud to have ya for a daughter and I love you." Roxy said in all seriousness as she hugged her daughter.

"I love you too Roxy." Natalie choked out, finding herself unable to stop the tears. But upon seeing them, Roxy shook her head. "You don't want Johnny hot stuff seeing you all blotchy and drippy, so stop crying!" As she began to laugh Roxy handed her a small box. "Since Eve handled the whole 'old' part of the tradition thing, I took care of the blue and the new."

Natalie carefully the box and smiled when it reveled a sexy blue garter. "Now you make sure Johnny-Mac uses his mouth to take that off."

"Roxy!" Natalie's eyes widened in shock as she looked over at Eve, a blush beginning to form on her cheeks. But Eve just laughed as Natalie gave Roxy a quick hug, and then turned to face her mother.

"You look absolutely stunning darling."

Embarrassed by all the praise, Natalie averted her eyes. "Thanks," she mumbled softly. "I decided to go with the borrowed," Vicki began as she reached into her purse.

"You guys didn't have to do this…" Natalie started to protest, but Vicki cut her off. "Nonsense dear. As you know, this bracelet was given to me by Ben just before he died. I want you to wear today." Vicki said she took off the diamond bracelet that never left her wrist.

"Oh mom, I can't…."

Vicki just smiled and fastened the bracelet around her daughter's wrist. "Of course you can. Natalie, I am so proud of you. Despite all the things you went through this year, you managed to remain strong, and in control. You are an inspiration to this whole family." More tears began to well up in Natalie's eyes as Vicki hugged her tightly. "I love you so much darling."

Natalie couldn't help but remember all the problems she and her mother had had when she first arrived in town and again had the urge to apologize. But as if sensing her daughter's thoughts, Vicki shook her head. "The past is the past. This is a day for you to look toward your future."

Steeping away from her mother, Natalie looked at the three women in front of her and smiled. "You guys are the best mothers a girl could ask for."

Before there could be any more tears, Jessica and Rex cautiously entered the room. "John and Michael just got here – Joey says the ceremony can begin at any time…" Jessica interrupted softly as she smoothed down her maid of honor's dress. It was very similar to Natalie's as it was an A-line and strapless, but hers was made of a mint green silky material that matched the tie Michael was going to be wearing.

Nodding, Natalie looked herself over once more in the mirror then turned back toward the group. "I'm ready."

As a group they went out the back exit and walked around toward the front doors where Clint and Bo were waiting for them. Both men gave Natalie a quick hug and also repeated how beautiful she looked.

Rather then have her father walk her down the aisle, Natalie had asked Rex to do the honor as her brother had always been, and always would be a very large part of her life. Clint had understood, especially when Natalie had asked that he escort Vicki down the aisle and stand to the side so they could both 'give her away.' Wanting to keep things small, both John and Natalie had opted against having a large bridal party and decided to just have Michael and Jessica respectively as the Best Man and Maid of Honor. Bo was going to take part in the ceremony by walking Eve down the aisle, and Joey had flown in from London to marry them.

Natalie stood outside with Rex as Eve and Bo, Vicki and Clint and finally Jessica made their way through the doors to Rodi's. Once it was just her and Rex alone outside, he turned and fixed her with a serious look. "So you sure about this Natty? I made sure to park out front just in case you want to bolt."

Natalie laughed and hugged her brother. Rex unsure of what to make of her reaction just continued. "I mean it Nat, you and me can head on down to Mexico and open a bar..."

"Yes, I am sure." Natalie said with a smile, "but I do appreciate the offer."

"All right then, are you ready?" he asked as he extended his arm. Taking one more deep breath, Natalie linked her arm through his and nodded. "I'm ready."

Natalie gasped in shock the second her and Rex walked through the doors. As a consolation to Jessica and Vicki she had told them they could be in charge of decorating Rodi's and they had done an amazing job. The whole bar was basked in soft lighting, most of which came from the hundreds of candles that were on all the tables, the bar area, and the shelves which normally held the alcohol and other western memorabilia. The guests were all sitting at the tables which had been covered in green table cloths and held small floral centerpieces which the candles surrounded.

It was absolutely beautiful.

Finally taking her eyes off the décor, Natalie looked up and met John's eyes. Now smiling widely, she continued her walk down the make shift aisle ready to become Natalie McBain.


	40. Chapter Thirty Nine

**Chapter Thirty-Nine **

The second Natalie walked through the doors John felt his breath catch in his throat. She was breathtaking, and looked absolutely gorgeous in the simple silk wedding gown. As she made her way toward him, John was filled with a sense of awe, that despite everything – all the pain he had caused her and the troubles they had endured that here they were about to be married. Just knowing that had John grinning like an idiot, but he didn't care.

Once they were standing in front of him, Rex leaned over and kissed Natalie's cheek, then gave her hand to John. But before he turned to take his seat with Roxy he muttered, "You hurt her and you're a dead man McBain," just softly enough for John and Natalie to hear.

Biting back her laugher, Natalie smiled at her brother then gave John her full attention. "Hi" she mouthed still smiling widely.

"Hey" he mouthed back.

Standing up, Joey went to stand in front of them and smiled at them before beginning.

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join John McBain and Natalie Buchanan in matrimony, which is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

Joey waited for a few seconds but then smiled. "The bride's mother would like to read a passage from the bible." Vicki slowly stood up and walked to the front of the bar.

"This from Corinthians 13:1-13." Vicki began as she pulled out a faded piece of paper. "_Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love_."

Re-folding the paper, Vicki wiped a few of the teas that had formed in her eye and sat back down as Joey once again moved forward. The rest of the ceremony went by quickly and soon came the vows.

"With this ring I, John, take you Natalie to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part." John repeated as he slipped the gold wedding band onto her finger.

Unable to stop the few tears from falling, Natalie began to do the same. "With this ring, I, Natalie, take you John to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

"By the power vested in me by the State of Pennsylvania, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride!" The words were barely out of Joey's mouth as John pulled Natalie into a passionate kiss. Not caring about the clapping or the whistles around them they continued to kiss until Joey finally announced "I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. McBain!"

It had been a few hours since the ceremony and the wedding was in full swing. Having the reception at Rodi's had worked out better then Natalie could have ever imagined as everyone was enjoying themselves listening to a mix of oldies and country and dining on simple "pub" food. Even Asa was having a good time, and this was a drastic difference from some of his weddings.

"You look beautiful, Mrs. McBain." John leaned over and whispered into Natalie's ear as she nibbled on a fry.

Natalie laughed as she moved closer to him. "That's about the hundredth time you've told me that."

"That's because it's true."

"Are you having fun?" she asked him as Jessica walked by and handed them both glassed of champagne for the upcoming speeches.

John nodded with a smile. "I love it. I didn't want to say anything, but the idea of a big thing at the Palace and having to wear a tux all night, was not appealing. But this, this is perfect."

"Very us," she added as she admired the way John looked in his trademark black suit.

"Very us." he repeated before leaning in to kiss her. The kiss started off sweet but became more passionate. Finally when they broke apart, John looked at her with lust evident in his eyes. "I think we've been here long enough, time to start the honeymoon."

"We can't leave yet, we haven't even danced or cut the cake." She laughed noticing the frustration. "Speaking of the honeymoon, don't you think it's time to tell me where we're going?"

His mind temporarily off his growing desire John shook his head. "You'll find out when we get there."

"More like when we get to the airport!" Natalie quipped, but John just laughed. "Oh didn't I tell you? We are going to be taking the Buchanan plane and the pilot is under strict orders not to reveal the location."

Natalie's eyes widened in shock. "You did not go to my grandfather on this…"

"He came to me," John admitted with a grimace remembering how Asa had showed up at the station one afternoon ready for the "If you hurt my granddaughter" talk. "He pretty much forced me into taking it."

Natalie was about to continue complaining about not knowing when Jessica and Michael started to call for everyone's attention for the speeches.

After the speeches came the dancing and then the cake cutting. By the time that was over, a few of the quests were starting to head out and Natalie spied the empty pool table. Suddenly feeling like a game, she decided to go find John and stood up from the table and picked up her untouched champagne glass figuring she would give it back to Jess, knowing how her sister couldn't get enough of the stuff. Still holding the glass of champagne Natalie walked over to where John was standing with Michael, Marcie and Eve. But just as she opened her mouth to ask if they were enjoying themselves, Michael grabbed the champagne flute from her and swallowed the bubbly liquid in one gulp.

"Michael!" Eve exclaimed in shock. "Where are your manners?"

Michael shrugged as set the glass down on a nearby table. "I didn't get any." Natalie just shook her head, slightly amused at her now brother-in-law's actions.

"I apologize for my brother; apparently he missed the kindergarten class that dealt with politeness." John said dryly as he wrapped his arm around his new bride and also shot Michael and annoyed look. "Do you want me to get you another glass?" Marcie suggested trying to be helpful.

Natalie smiled gratefully. "No thanks Marcie, I don't really like the stuff anyways."

"I'll go get you a beer." John began as he started to head toward the bar but was stopped by Michael's quick, "No!" Again the group turned to stare at Michael in confusion. Aware that all the attention was on him, he smiled. "I just saw you take those two aspirins Natalie. As I doctor I can't let you drink alcohol."

John turned toward her with look of concern, "Are you okay Natalie?"

After shooting Michael a look of annoyance and anger, Natalie smiled at John. "I'm fine, I just had a bit of a headache earlier, but it's gone now. Anyways, I wanted to know if you were up for a game of pool."

"Now?" John asked in shock.

Natalie laughed. "Why not? I know you're not much of a dancing person and pool is our thing…"

Pulling her close, John leaned over and whispered gently in her ear, "How about if we make it a little more interesting and if I win we head over to the honeymoon suite and get started on the wedding night?"

Feeling herself get excited, Natalie nodded. "You're on." She replied as she led him over to the pool table.

It was the first, and probably last, time that Natalie actually let John win.


	41. Chapter Forty

Well everyone, this is it. Tears in the Rain is officially complete and I have to say I find myself sort of sad… I first off have to thank **Athena** for her hard work and help in editing forty of these chapters. Without her, I can't imagine how this story would have read. LOL… I also have to thank **Shama** for all her help with the last few chapters – especially those action ones! And Thanks go **to Manda, Missy**, and **Tina** for the countless hours on Yahoo listening to my ideas (and frustration) with this. Thanks you guys!

**But, the biggest thanks of all go to the readers!** Especially all of you guys who stuck with this fic and read all 40 chapters! LOL…. Your feedback had been so inspiring and you really can not even begin to imagine how much it means to me. This was my first fic ever, and I started it right around the time I got rejected from a creative writing program, so naturally my confidence was down. But, all of you helped bring it back up and have been so amazing. Thank you so much!

Enjoy!

**Chapter Forty**

"Eeeeee! This is so exciting!" Natalie exclaimed happily as she and John stood at the ticket line for Disney World. John just pulled her closer and smiled at her enjoying her enthusiasm.

The surprise honeymoon that John had planned was a three night stay in Orlando so Natalie's dream of seeing Disney World could be fulfilled and then with his mothers help, he had found them a small beach house in the Florida Keys on the ocean that he had rented for the following week. His surprise had gone over very well with Natalie, who became ecstatic once she realized where he had taken her. In fact, she had spent _many, many _hours showing him just how happy she was!

Luckily for them the line moved quickly and soon they were walking thorough the park with their hands clasped tightly together. John had insisted that she have the "real" Disney experience so he bought her some Mickey Mouse ears and himself a disposable camera and took pictures of his wife with all the major Disney characters.

It wasn't until after a quick lunch of french fries and ice cream that they started to make their way toward the rides. Despite hating it, John dragged her on the "It's a small world" ride telling her it was just something everyone needed to experience. He was, however, very relieved when the ride ended and Natalie declared it was the most annoying thing she'd ever seen. They had just finished going through a Haunted House when Natalie stopped in front the Big Thunder Roller Coaster.

Looking up at what seemed to be a massive roller coaster, John quickly began shaking his head. "Oh No, there is no way you are getting me on that thing."

Laughing at his unmasked fear, Natalie pulled him close to her. "You are too cute John McBain."

John feigned being insulted, "Cute? I am not cute." Now smiling, John rested his head on her shoulder. "I mean it, I am not getting on that death trap no matter how much you beg and plead."

"You do realize that as we speak there is a group of seven year olds standing in line for it?"

"They lack of mental capacity to realize how crazy they are being."

Chucking, Natalie pulled out of the embrace and took his hand. "Well then today's you lucky day," she said as she gently tugged on his arm and began walking.

"You're not even going to try to get me on it? You know, 'cure' me of this fear?" John asked in confusion.

Natalie shook her head. "No point."

"Why's that?"

Biting back the smile that was forming, Natalie forced herself to remain nonchalant. "Because I can't go on any Roller Coasters anyway."

Now he was really confused. "Why not?"

She shrugged. "It's not recommended. Didn't you see the signs that were posted?"

Stopping, John turned away from her and looked at the signs that were posted in front of the entrance to the ride. "You don't have high blood pressure or neck problems…" But John suddenly trailed off as he slowly turned back around to face her. But noticing the wide smile on her face, John's eye's quickly lit up.

"So, what do you think, Mickey Mouse or Minnie Mouse stuff for the nursery?"

Finally understanding what she was telling him, John pulled her toward him and spun her around. Laughing, Natalie waited until she was back on her feet to speak. "John, if roller coasters aren't good for the baby then maybe we should avoid the whole spinning thing for the next 6 months."

"When did you find out? Why didn't you tell me?" John asked with a wide grin.

"I wanted it to be a surprise. I actually only found out a few days before the wedding. I suspected that I might be so I had Michael run a blood test just to be sure."

"That's why he was acting so weird at the reception!" John said remembering his brother's odd behavior with taking the champagne from Natalie. "We're going to have a baby!"

Her smile faded for a second and Natalie looked up at him with a serious look. "Is that okay with you? I mean we just got married and…" but John silenced her with a gentle kiss.

"Are you kidding me? You just proved that Disney really is the happiest place on earth!" John said playfully still holding her.

Laughing, Natalie kissed him. "I love you, John McBain."

"I love you too, Natalie McBain." Reaching down, John put a hand on Natalie's stomach and smiled. "I love you too, Baby McBain."

John took Natalie's hand in his and with matching grins of joy they continued walking, excited as to what their future would bring.

The End


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